On this day, 27 years ago, I lost the woman who gave "life" to the girl you all know as "GIA". My second Mom: My Grandmother - Ernestina. However sad and in pain I am whenever this day comes around each year, I also know that I've been divinely favoured in this life. Not only did I have a Mom who gave birth to me and whom is still in my life, every moment of every day, but I had my Grandmother... who would stand for nothing less than making sure that everyone around me knew how full of gifts, talents and greatness I was - every day that she was alive.
I felt utterly invincible. Like I could do or be anything, no matter what the odds. She enriched my life in every way. She made me learn languages and religions because she said they were the root of loving others. She encouraged me to sing to her (and anyone that crossed our path) because she thought I had the voice of a Goddess. She tricked me into finding out that I had a passion for song-writing / words when I was only 8. Why? Because I told her that I was bored of singing all the songs she taught me and the ones on the radio. Her reply: "Oh, you are, are you? Well then, write me a song of your own. Then, when you're done, you can sing it because it's new." She was a smart cookie, that Grandmother of mine. But, after trying it, I loved it and she knew that I would. How she was able to know what I would come to love was always a mystery to me - but she did.
Toward the end of her life she always quoted things to me that I should carry with me in my life. Things I should never let go of. Things that some days I'm ashamed to say that I have. It's not always easy to believe in yourself. Especially, when the person who always had is gone. But I know she's still with me and will always be. She brings me faith, strength and love from the afterlife. My friends tell me repeatedly that they admire my determination and passion for things - It comes from her love. It comes from her life, touching mine.
I still sing for her some nights by candlelight and I always will. I still write because she made me love it so much. I still have faith in God, religion and in myself. Why? Because she did and she didn't just believe in anything.
I leave this post with something that she said all the time:
"You will not always be able to see me but trust and know that I will NEVER leave you. You were truly one of my special and most proudest joys and loving you was a gift that I will thank God for eternally. No matter what follow and remember what I've taught you about your talents. Make them your dreams. Its hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but its harder to give up when you know its everything you want. Finally, remember that there are 3 things you cannot recover in life: The WORD after it’s said, the MOMENT after it’s missed and the TIME after it’s gone. Be Careful!”
R.I.P. Nonna Ernestina .... You are always on my mind; and forever in my heart! I long for the day to see you again. I just hope I'm still the same girl you were so proud of once, because I try so hard to be... (tears)
