|Ahhh...The way we were....|
Isn't it funny how life is?
When we have something it's simply not good enough. We are consumed with changing it somehow. Making it better or at least different. Then, as time passes and we think/look back at those things, we often wish we still had them-exactly as they were.
I was driving home from my parent's place the other day and noticed the home on the corner. What made me stop was the fact that they had three cars, all lined up in a row on the driveway. Each car inches away from one another. I smiled at that, not because it was odd, but because it reminded me of how my family once was. Suddenly, the tears began to fill my eyes and I started to think back to how things once were.
There was a time when my brothers and I all lived at home. We all had vehicles and my Dad would constantly try to find ways to fit all of them onto our driveway in such a manner where none of us would be "terribly inconvenienced". The truth is we were all inconvenienced-my poor Dad most of all.
I would remember how we would all bicker and get angry with each other about who would have to park where and how it always ended up being the same person having to move their car; each time someone else had to get out. God what I would give to have those moments back. I wish so much that I could go back to a time when my brothers and I still lived together with my parents. If anyone would have told me then that in 10 years I'd be making that comment, I would have said they were crazy. "It was the best of times...it was the worst of times" Most of all, it was the greatest time of my life!!!
It's really funny how it all works out. When we're young we wish to be older, and when we're older we wish with all our might to be young again. It's an endless cycle. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, truly. Sure it has it's ups and downs but I love it. I am truly blessed with all that I have. The difference now is that "the adult Gia" both knows and appreciates that. Where the "younger Gia" didn't have a clue what appreciation really was.
I would give anything to have those times back. I would definitely have done a lot different. Not because I regret my life and how it's all worked out. Yet, I would have just paid more attention to things that mattered and less about things that really didn't. Just another thing I am learning in the new chapter of my life.
I believe that I am slowly (but finally) coming "into myself". It took me 37 years, but I now know what's truly important to me, and what is not. I really am starting to appreciate everything in my life, and understand that all things are blessings (even things we believe for the moment are bad).
I read somewhere once that "People teach what they themselves need to learn" and I believe that with all my heart-now more than ever. I've been telling my friends/family for years to be grateful and mindful of all you have. Yet, I never took the time to do that in my own life, until now.
As I journey through the beginning stages of my "new life" I realize that it's time to expect and respect more of myself; in every way. However, within that realization comes many paradoxes that I am trying to flow through:
I find that I want to change myself, but yet I want to accept all that I am. I want to take myself more seriously-and yet less seriously. More and more I am consumed with trying to understand the reason as to why God put me on this earth. What is my gift, my reason for being alive. Yet, more often than not, I find that I want to explore "just wandering around playing" more in this life. I want to forget myself more, so that I can think about myself more. I don't have all the answers yet, and maybe never will.
Whatever path I am destined for, what I do know for sure is where I came from. That, my dear friends means the world to me. I will always miss those special times I had with my family growing up but it's nice to know that I had "special times" at all. Sadly, there are some people out there who will never know what that can mean. I am glad that I have come to a place where I can appreciate all that I have had (and continue to have) in my life.
To my dearest family, who was once made up of just a "party of five" I want you all to know how much I love and cherish our time here together. Without you I would never exist. With you I will always fly. To my family now made up of those five, four more and about a hundred others: I thank you for always loving me for just "being me"
To my brothers: I just wanted you to know how much I loved sharing all those moments with you. It was tough sharing things and space with you then, but now...now I would give the world to have a minute of that time back. Yes, even those times when we too had to park side by side in the driveway to "make it work" Thank you for always protecting my heart with your lives..always!
To my Mom & Dad: There is no greater man or woman on this earth. I am so blessed to have you. Thank you for always ( and continuously) turning your worlds upside down, so that mine would always flow right side up.
I love you more than my silly words could ever express...