Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Butterfly Effect

Have you ever really stopped to think why things happen? I mean we have all heard the cliché catch phrases like: “Things always happen for a reason” or “It was meant to be” This I know and have heard a million times before, but have you ever really stopped and taken a particular situation and tried to connect the dots? I realize that I may be speaking in riddles this morning and my apologies for that, but I’ve truly been thinking about this process a lot lately.

I woke up this morning fairly early and decided to mediate. I normally meditate in the evening hours now, because I find that it really helps with the level of stress I endure during my day. It’s a great release, and any one of you who have ever tried to meditate I’m sure will agree with me. Nevertheless, today I felt I really needed to try it in the AM. There have been some varying degrees of “uncomfortable ness” that I have been experiencing lately, and I’m trying to place it all into some kind of perspective.

I began thinking about why some things can cause you to feel a great deal of happiness and other things manifest themselves into great degrees of melancholy. I have learned that all situations are given the feelings or emotions that we allow them to have, both consciously and unconsciously. Yet, I am in constant inner turmoil as to why certain things in my life have to take place. Yes, of course there is a great deal of lessons to be learned from such events but why do we allow some things to shake our very existence; while other events barely affect us at all?

Lately, I’ve been trying to figure out how I got to this place? Not that this place is bad per say, but why am I here? I keep thinking over and over in my mind why it is that I can give so much love, focus and energy to other people’s lives and not my own. Of course I do try and live my life in a manner that is “best for me” but I don’t give it as much emphasis or perhaps the “intense passion” that I will allow myself to feel for others (and their lives). It is as if somewhere along the way I adopted someone’s awful notion of myself. That I am simply not worth that same degree of passion. It’s funny because a long time ago, when others tried to tell me that I couldn’t have something it made me fight that much harder. It made me crazy. I have never been one to tell someone that their dreams or life simply aren’t possible, so I would damn well never accept that talk about me and my life. Yet, somehow, I lost that entire zest along the way. Now it’s as if the bad stuff rotten people have said to me over the years is a lot easier to believe. I wish I knew why or how I have allowed that to happen to me.

The main thing is that I am still here, with plenty of life to live (God willing) which means no one should count this girl out. Not yet, and quite possibly not ever!

Things do truly happen for a reason. I truly believe that there are purposes for absolutely everything under heaven.

Today, I learned something new. I found a new perspective of how I should be looking at my life. That is simply that I exist, no matter what. Perhaps not the way I want to exist at the moment, but nevertheless here. Which means that with each new morning that I am granted breath I can change and manifest this existence into something spectacular? Perhaps, like a caterpillar I too must now spin a cocoon and embrace all the things that have and are happening within my life. So that I can someday be released from that web and fly away a beautiful butterfly with a new chance at life.

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