Monday, October 29, 2012
I hope that you can all forgive me for not writing as of late.
To be honest, I feel as though I’ve forgotten how most days. Then, other days, it just feels like I’m losing my will to write altogether. Normally, in times of “life’s trials and deliberations” people find writing therapeutic and healing – especially Artists. I mean, we make our living off of “the bad days” sort of speak. Many of us go on to write incredible stories and songs, that make us famous, during really troublesome moments in our lives. We use these moments in time to fuel us. But, not always. Sometimes, we lose ourselves in such a way that even words can’t resurrect us.
I haven’t been sleeping properly as of late. That too, is ruining my creativity. I’ve been having nightmares again. I don’t really know when they started but they’re always the same. In every dream I am battling the devil himself for my life and the right to live. In the past, whenever I’ve had these dreams, I felt scared. Now, the fear is fuelled by anger. I have some fight in me (which I must admit does make me smile a little). It makes me feel good to know that I’m willing to fight for my life, rather than giving up my soul, like I used to do. However, I’m finding it hard to transfer that aggression into my conscious reality. In slumber I’m a Princess Warrior but the moment I awake, I feel like things are too hard to fight off.
As hard as things are in this moment, the responsibility that I feel I have to all of you (my readers, my fans) ironically keeps me somewhat positive.
There are good days and there are definitely bad days and I am trying my best to fight, but even warriors forget their purpose sometimes.
I realize that my ramblings and random thoughts are difficult to follow; without revealing the true source of my anguish but I am not ready to unveil it all just yet. All will become clear, someday.
Friday, October 12, 2012
There are always two paths a heart can take. Each one seasoned with its own challenges. Yet, when our discussion has been made to follow one route, we always seem to find mistakes in the journey we choose. Often, we say that we should have gone the "other" way instead. However, we fail to see that no matter what road we follow we will always find fault in it - if we allow it to find us. No matter what the adventure ahead may bring, you can rest assured that our hearts are always ready to embark upon it.
I finally understand the reason behind why my heart and mind are always at odds with one another. My heart has always been (and will always remain) childlike, whereas my mind must take on a "parental role". Yet, it has always been obvious that my life has been governed by my heart-ranking majority seats within the house. I've often referred to this syndrome as: "The Curse of the Artist"
Being a former singer/musician and now a writer, my path has always been one of a dreamer. Yet lately, I find that my mind has begun to convince my heart to oversea the "day to day" operations, while still promising to promote "dreamer-like qualities". So far, all is well in Denmark!
Over the past few months I've realized that the magical thing about life is that it always plays out, whether we are ready for it or not. It's made up of great moments (both good and bad) and I am learning to be happy to have the opportunity to travel along each path. I now am beginning to understand that chaos can grow in magnitude if we allow it the energy of our thoughts (both positively and negatively). But, that love too, can grow in the same manner. Life is not everlasting, but our memories and experiences can transcend through time. We can savor them by being open to life as it unfolds.
I've been trying to find new "motto's" for life everyday. In doing so, it forces me to trick my old "behavioral patterns" to shift from a negative realm into a positive state.
Today's motto - Remembering to do whatever makes ME happy, as often as possible. To maintain a healthy lifestyle because happiness means nothing when you cannot enjoy it with 100% vitality. To be kind to others even when it's hardest to do so and to be a bit of a better human being, everyday.