Sunday, November 20, 2011
Throughout the ages many people have written about love. If you're an artist such as myself even more so. You live it, breath it and dream it all the time-which makes for great songwriting and poetry.
For me, it's truly the one thing that I believe I will never understand in this life. Perhaps because we all have our own ideas of what it is and should be like. Expectations of how it will be in our lives. So, I suppose there lies the first mistake. Expectations lead to possible failures, which then bring life to disappointments. Yet, if we do not have expectations there are no limits (i think) to which you allow yourself to be hurt. So either way, you're utterly screwed.
I am certainly one of those people who have a "love expectation". Dare I say that it's a pure and utter addiction for me. The high I get from it can surpass the level of any possible drug available. I know what it should feel like, look like and be like. More importantly, I know exactly how the other person and I should react /connect with one another. Yet, I sit with more "broken heart badges" on my sleeve than any real "love accomplishments". Then comes the other side to being addicted to love: Falling out of it. When you're in it, the highs are really high. However, when you come off of it, the lows are bad.
So why on earth am I "falling in love" or just generally falling for all the wrong kind of guys?
I swear to God if there is loser within a 100 mile radius, I will find him!!!!
Those who know me know the war I have going on with love. It's insane. My friends call it: "The Nightingale Syndrome" Find a man with a sob story or down on his luck and I will rescue him. It's as if I look for the broken ones-or dare I say, they look for me. Apparently, I nurture people quite well, so they become drawn to it. Yes, I do have a very loving/giving nature to me, but when was that considered a bad thing? Was I the only one that didn't get the memo???? So it's become painfully clear that this "wearing your heart on your sleeve" thing is definitely a magnet and invitation for all the deadbeats of the land to come and cling to. I dunno, I will never understand how people can use others like that. Take all they can and just leave you there -dry and empty. You give, they take and you never get in return. Oh, no..wait! You do. You do get things in return. If you're really lucky, you get to receive gifts like: low self-esteem/worth. Hallow pains deep within your chest, where you heart once was. Feelings of doubt and incredible stupidity about the person you are or have become, simply because you allowed someone to make you feel that way. Are we to blame? I think so, or at least to an extent. However, I'd like to think that the other party can play a magnificent role in your "self-destructiveness" also. Yes, there is being naive or being just plain dumb for missing the signs that arise in "wrongful love sagas" but some people...well they are just really great pretenders and you won't even see them coming.
Let's take my ex-guy for a moment, shall we? Came into my life a little over 4 years ago. Took my heart, used my money when times got rough and the recession took his job. Brought him to live with me when things really got bad and he couldn't afford his own place to live anymore. Took all the love, support and generosity that was bestowed upon him by my family, all my friends and of course, myself and devoured it every chance he got. He allowed us to all think/believe that he was this "stand up guy" who was a very kind, modest, humble and loving individual. Banked on the fact that we had connections within society and helped him find not one but two really great career opportunities (that would never have been made possible without us) He even helped himself to my car during the last 6 months of our relationship because his was demolished in a car crash. Now, I know what you're thinking. This is a very selfish list. Here I am going on about the things he took from me and leaving no mention of the things he gave me. Absolutely right! So allow me to tell you what he gave.
He gave me the gift of knowing first hand what it felt like to live with someone who led two completely different lives: Relationship Guy and Cheater Guy. See I was very lucky. Some girls only get one guy when involved in a relationship but I had two. Two for the price of one. That's a bargain anywhere!! Relationship guy wanted to get married and have children someday (although he was continuously struggling with that opinion), while Cheater guy used online chats, web cams, emails, personal ads, lies (and Lord only knows what else) to get his fill of everything he really wanted. All the while, I was at work trying to make a buck so that I could support us during this difficult time. The whole time actually believing that he was at home, spending his days looking for work. After months of continual debt and denial we broke up on the grounds of many things. Mainly because he couldn't bare to tell me the truth about all his secrets and I couldn't tell him the truth about knowing them all-without any need for his confessions. Till this day, I find it fascinating that he honestly thought I was THAT stupid and didn't know all that he did behind my back/when I was away. Hmm.. Little did I know that there was still more to come.
It's been about 10 months now since our break up and the lies continue. Only this time, I am lucky enough not to be the recipient of them. Now he has deemed a couple of other women as "his loves". The funny part...they each think that they are "the only one". It's quite commical. He tells them both a similar tale, that he has been single for the past 4 years because his divorce was quite traumatic and he has had very little time to give of himself in a new relationship-until now. That he has spent the last 4 horrible years of his life alone, trying to find someone who will be there for him, nurture him and love him, so that he won't be all alone in this world any longer. "Huh" Imagine that! Not only did he take with all his might for the past 4 years, he has the audacity to deny me and all the others who helped him stand. Like I said, I truly know how to pick them, folks! The real class acts of society. If anyone should be erasing the past 4 years it should be me. Yet, apparently he feels like he was the one short changed! Incredible!
So why is it that we allow ourselves to become these pathetic creatures, after love has gone terribly wrong? I mean we are all intelligent people right? We, ourselves know more than anyone else, exactly what's best for us. We know when things are just not right-especially when it comes to love. I know I should, because I have the expectations of how I want to feel and be treated by another that I am in love with. So why? Why do I let it happen, again and again? We do any of us? How is it that intelligent people become utterly stupid when in love? It's beyond me.
To think..I actually mourned this loss for almost an entire year, blaming myself for most of it. Glad that's over! Now, I'm feeling great and well I must pay tribute where it's due. It's all because of him, my ex-guy. I never realized just how incredible and extraordinary I actually was until he left my life. I may not have found "the right" love, but I know a little more about myself because I loved him. I now love myself more because he didn't love me enough. And someday..someday, I'll get it right. For now, it's my time to make Gia spectacular.
* To my ex-guy, these songs are for you*
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
|Thank-you Heavy D, for all that you have brought to this crazy world. I got Nuttin' but love for ya! R.I. P.|
"Be inspired". "All glory comes from daring to begin". " I love my life, only because I always have". "Never stop believing. Magic is just a science we don't understand. Every original idea was considered insanity at first".
What do all these quotes have in common you ask? Simple. They were the last few comments uttered by the late, great, Heavy D.
He was a man of many talents. A master of all trades within the music industry. He was a rapper, a singer/songwriter, actor and producer - who was on the verge of a major come back to the world he loved so much. However, God had another plan, and called him home on: Tuesday, November 8, 2011.
At the age of 44, Heavy D had a number of accomplishments under his belt. But the most important one of all was his daughter, Xea. Even up to his last breath he expressed his undying love for her and his entire family and always spoke about the importance of family, love and how important it was to keep positive when going after your dream.
In the 1990's, Heavy D was the very first rapper to become the head of a major music label: President of Uptown Records. Shortly thereafter, he hired on an intern by the name of: Sean "Diddy" Combs, or as we know him, "Puff Daddy" / "P Diddy". Heavy D, was also known for developing the career of one Ms. Mary J. Blige. This major stepping stone would later result in a position of, senior vice president of none other than: "Universal Music". His areas of expertise were: Reggae, R&B and of course, Hip Hop.
Some of his finest moments would include: singing the theme song to the hit shows: "In Living Color" and "Mad TV", back in the 90's. He also did collaborations with B.B. King, as well as, appearing in the video, "One More Chance" by the late, Notorious B.I.G. Yet, the one most memorable success that Heavy D always looked back on with utter pride, was the fact that he was the first rapper to have the opportunity to work with the late, Michael Jackson. He performed the rap for a single called "Jam" on Michael's album. He was truly proud of that moment, as were his fans. So much so that one of them tweeted Heavy D on November 2, 2011 and praised him on the accomplishment.
Heavy D, born Dwight Arrington Myers, was a true family man. He was respected for never compromising his values and artistry. Yesterday (November 14, 2011), during his family's very first statement release since his death, they attested to the world, what an incredible soul this man truly was.
"Heavy D was a devoted dad with a "heart of gold" who dispensed bear hugs as easily as infectious rhymes. He had great love for his family and friends. He was a kind and giving spirit who extended and shared himself with everyone who crossed his path. He never compromised his values and artistry, and encouraged his peers to do the same. Hev was the one who made us laugh, cry, sing, dance and turn a frown upside down. As a family, we are devastated by Hev's passing, but through our faith in God and support from family, friends and fans – we are comforted, blessed and will remain strong.”
Dearest D: Sadly the world has lost another remarkable and inventive soul. I believe I speak for all your fans when I say that you shall be deeply missed. Your love and energy, both for your life and love for music is in-measurable. We feel such a loss with your passing that can barely be described. I know the world, as well as your fans would have loved a "come-back". Sadly, now it can never be. Nevertheless, we will forever dance and smile to the beats and mixes that you did leave us with for all time. You will never be forgotten.
Today, you find your place in heaven, along side some of the greats: Michael Jackson, Notorious B.I.G., Tupac, Big Pun, Jam Master Jay and so many others. Like all these artists, I wish your destiny's could have been altered, so to have you among us for longer. I would have truly loved to see what else you all would of had in store for us. Needless to say, I am quite sure it would have been utterly spectacular.
" Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." ( Psalm 23:4)
"Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners" (1 Cor. 15:33).
R.I.P. dear friend. 4-ever loved, 4-ever missed, 4-ever shall you live through your music and within the hearts of all those who knew/loved you. PEACE!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
|Mad Love to you Olivia. I'm forever in your corner!!!|
Somewhere within my journeys
I have heard others say
That time heals everything
And that love can take madness away.
They say it’s because there are reasons
A purpose under Heaven for all things.
But there are days when time simply cannot heal
All the pain that this world can bring.
Like anything else within this life,
There will always be things that are terribly unfair.
But in those times you must always know,
That you are loved and that we care.
Never allow the evil of ill times,
To break your spirit of all it can be
For it is during these moments that you should believe
That only faith will set you free.
There will be times when you may feel like giving up
And that all the hope you once had has gone,
But in those times, always know that we are here
To help you carry on.
So during those days when you are broken
And you feel that your heart cannot take the pain,
We lend you our shoulders and carry you through.
Until you are strong enough to walk on your own, again.
No matter how it may seem,
Always know that we are with you each step of the way
So never be afraid, always be strong
Because we pray for Olivia’s recovery and all of you each day.
* Especially written and dedicated to: Gloria, Sam, Gabrielle and Olivia Santarelli *
Olivia, you are always in my prayers, Sweetheart. You will make it through this. Keep strong, baby girl!!! Below is a special "Puppy Poem" just for you. I love you!!!
A Puppy Poem
I love it when it’s time to sleep.
Cuz Olivia’s bed is so soft and deep.
I always sleep right beside her, in the centre groove.
So that she keeps me safe and can hardly move.
Because of how I sleep across her,
I trap her legs, so she’s snuggled in tight.
And this is how we fall asleep together each and every night.
No one can disturbs us or dares intrude
Until it’s morning time when Olivia and I are hungry
And we want some food.
Usually I am the one who is hungry first,
So I will sneak up to Olivia slowly and I begin.
I bark softly and then I start to lick her,
First her arm, then her chin.
She wakes up slowly, rubbing her eyes
Laughing and giggling, she looks at me and cries
I know you’re awake you silly thing,
Give me 5 more minutes
And then our day can begin.
But the morning sun is here and I’m awake,
It’s time to play, I cannot sleep anymore.
Olivia please wake up for goodness sake!
So I continue on and she finally gives in,
She says I’m cute and that is why I get my way.
So I help her get dressed so we can play.
Thank you Lord, for giving me,
This human little girl, named Olivia that I can see.
The one who hugs and holds me tight,
And allows me to share her bed with me at night.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
|Getting "Intimate & Interactive" with Gia & LIFE AFX|
I realize that I’m a little late putting out the latest version of “Intimate and Interactive with the Writer” for all of you and I do apologize for the delay. I wanted you all to know that I have both received and read all of your emails regarding this piece and I will try my best to fit as many questions in this session as possible. If you don’t see your question here, please know that it will be kept and added to next month’s piece. I did my best to mix it up and add in both some fun and serious questions to reply to, so I really do hope you enjoy this. For those of you who missed Parts 1-4, please type in ``Intimate and Interactive`` into the search engine (on the top left hand corner of the site) and click search.
So, without further adieu, I give you “Intimate & Interactive with the Writer – Part 5”
WHAT WAS THE VERY FIRST BOOK THAT YOU EVER READ? Well, it was a book called: “Sheila the Great” by: Judy Blume. I truly loved it and read it several times. It was about a girl who was faced with a lot of changes in life but learned to overcome her difficulties and adapt to a new lifestyle. If you have a young daughter, I really do suggest you have them read it. It taught me a lot at a very young age.
IF YOU HAD TO LEAVE THIS EARTH TOMORROW, WHAT WOULD YOUR LAST STATEMENT BE? Never allow anyone to ever own the definition of who you are. Who you become within this life is ONLY up to you. We all have choices to make, they may not be easy, but if you live life “your way” –with respect, honesty and integrity (both for yourself and others) you can never go wrong. Allow people their right to live in judgement but always know that in the end it`s only what you believe of yourself that matters. Always `do you` and the rest will work itself out. Finally, never forget to dream, every day of your life.
HOW IS THE BOOK COMING ALONG? It`s coming along nicely. I am having a lot of wonderful moments, re-visiting different chapters in my life while I write, so it`s been a deeply `spiritual `journey for me. There is a great deal of psychology, research and logistics that goes into writing a book. So, needless to say I am learning a lot, along the way. As I mentioned in my last Intimate and Interactive piece, the book is called: The Beautiful Truth and I hope to have something put together in a year’s time.
WHAT`S PLAYING IN YOUR CAR RIGHT NOW? Evanescence. I`m a really big fan of this band and it`s lead vocalist: Amy Lee. She is a very talented songwriter. Their latest ``self-titled album`` is in stores now.
IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW, WHERE WOULD YOU BE: That`s easy. Almafi Coast, in Southern Italy. To me, it truly looks like the most beautiful place on earth!
NAME FIVE OF YOUR MOST FAVOURITE SONGS OUT THERE TODAY: 1) Danza Kuduro – Don Omar Featuring Lucenzo. 2) We Found Love – Rhianna. 3) Got To Love Ya – Sean Paul. 4) Marvin`s Room-Drake. 5) 5 O`Clock – T-Pain featuring Wiz Khalifa, Lily Allen.
We Found Love
Got To Love Ya
WHICH FEMALE INFLUENCES WOULD YOU LIKE TO WORK WITH, INVOLVING YOUR BUSINESS? Madonna , Victoria Beckham, Jennifer Lopez and Oprah. All of these women not only possess a great ``business sense`` but they are also extremely passionate, strong and vibrant human beings. They`ve all done it ``their way`` ...period! Very admirable traits to have in a business partner!!
ARE THERE ANY NEW THINGS WE CAN LOOK FORWARD TO FROM LIFE AFX IN THE COMING MONTHS? Well I am working hard on my new websites as we speak. I will be working with a very creative web-designer in the coming months to create a new and dynamic look for LIFE AFX. One I`m sure you will all enjoy. I`m hoping to have it up and running by February 2012. As well, there will also be a `coming attraction` to LIFE AFX in the new year. One I am positive all of you will be excited about. I`m really looking forward to working with this individual and I`m sure it will be a great success, not to mention a wonderful addition to our current vibe. I truly cannot wait to tell you all about it.
I will also be adding another page to the site entitled: "Dating in the City" This page will be dedicated to the crazy life of dating in today's world. So please do look for that in the next few weeks. As well, I've added a page called: "Citylicious Events" This was added to LIFE AFX during the month of October and it has been a big hit with all of you. Here you will be able to find out what's happening in the city each weekend. So before you make plans and head out, visit my page for updates and listings of the most popular attractions that Toronto has to offer.
Well, I suppose that I shall leave off here for now. Please be sure to join me for another session of: Intimate and Interactive with the Writer, next month.
Thanks to all of you, my fans, who love and support my writing. I truly would not be embarking upon this journey if it wasn't for all of you. I am always humbled by your comments and letters toward my page. I look forward to reading all of them and responding back to you. Always know that the ONLY reason I write is for you. If I can touch you in any way with the words that I write, then my purpose in this life is complete.