I hope that you can all forgive me for not writing as of late.
To be honest, I feel as though I’ve forgotten how most days. Then, other days, it just feels like I’m losing my will to write altogether. Normally, in times of “life’s trials and deliberations” people find writing therapeutic and healing – especially Artists. I mean, we make our living off of “the bad days” sort of speak. Many of us go on to write incredible stories and songs, that make us famous, during really troublesome moments in our lives. We use these moments in time to fuel us. But, not always. Sometimes, we lose ourselves in such a way that even words can’t resurrect us.
I haven’t been sleeping properly as of late. That too, is ruining my creativity. I’ve been having nightmares again. I don’t really know when they started but they’re always the same. In every dream I am battling the devil himself for my life and the right to live. In the past, whenever I’ve had these dreams, I felt scared. Now, the fear is fuelled by anger. I have some fight in me (which I must admit does make me smile a little). It makes me feel good to know that I’m willing to fight for my life, rather than giving up my soul, like I used to do. However, I’m finding it hard to transfer that aggression into my conscious reality. In slumber I’m a Princess Warrior but the moment I awake, I feel like things are too hard to fight off.
As hard as things are in this moment, the responsibility that I feel I have to all of you (my readers, my fans) ironically keeps me somewhat positive.
There are good days and there are definitely bad days and I am trying my best to fight, but even warriors forget their purpose sometimes.
I realize that my ramblings and random thoughts are difficult to follow; without revealing the true source of my anguish but I am not ready to unveil it all just yet. All will become clear, someday.
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