It never ceases to amaze me just how deeply I fall in "Awe" and in "Love" with my Mother each and every day. It's magical really. She is the deepest part of all that I am. Her essence creates me...moulds me into greatness, every day of my life.
Funny.. when I look back at my "younger years" I often laugh at my behaviour toward her. Continuously the devilish little girl, always getting into mischief and trying so hard to be rebellious. I fought with all my might to get away from the ideals she taught, because I was so afraid of loosing myself in her. Scared that I wouldn't find my own way in this world if I was following hers. Nowadays, I pray that I can become a fraction of the woman she is. Ironic how life plays out.
We are so much alike and I didn't even realize it. Our voices, our kindness, our love for everything/everyone around us. The softness and care that we take in all that we do. It's remarkable. Remarkable because for the longest time I didn't believe that I was anything like her. Yet, more and more each day, others around me say just how much alike we really are - and I take so much pride in that.
You once heard my heartbeat within you and because of that, I now forever hear yours within me.
I sometimes joke with you about how demure, lady like and humble you are - but the truth is those are qualities I adore most about you. I may be fiery and vocal but the heart of me is soft and shy, just like you.
I would never change a single thing about you, because all of it makes up the extraordinary woman and mother that you have always been to me. Even in times when I didn't care to see it or deserve who you were.
You always shake your head at me when I tell you that I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I have always lived by my terms and in my own way and I am so grateful and blessed that I had a Mother who had the courage and the strength to let me become my own woman -even when it frightened you to let me live. Always know that I hear all you say and cherish your words.
You've always been protective of me in such a strong way, and I guess for a long time I took that negatively. As you not trusting my judgements - like I wasn't capable of making my own way in this world all by myself. Now I know different. Now I think differently. A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the entire world. It knows no law nor pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. You have always loved me that way.
I'm sorry for all the tears you watched me cry. All the sarcasm and "Miss now at all" remarks. For all the different pitches and tones in my voice that ever made you feel small, silly or insignificant. For all the explanations you felt were necessary to make in my defense or honor. All the wars that you had to fight on my behalf. I know a mother's love is unconditional, but you didn't deserve all the wars you had to battle for me. And yet, you never once complained or made excuses for who I was. You worried in silence but to the rest of the world you always had this "Yes, that's my daughter" attitude and proud of the fact that in all aspects of my life, I CHOSE to be a Sheppard than a sheep.
You've always called me a dreamer girl and that is why God takes me on the "scenic route" of life. For only a dreamer could ever truly appreciate all the beauty and splendor of this world. That sometimes, although the road less travelled by is rarely taken and most painful it's truly the ONLY road anyone should take. My roads have made you worrisome at times, even tearful, but always know that I'm OK and have your love to guide me through.
I have always believed with all my heart and soul that we choose who are parents will be from Heaven, before we get here. I still do. I know at times I should feel sad/remorseful that other little girls didn't have the opportunity to have you as a Mother, but I don't because I wanted you all for myself and would do it all again if I had the chance.
Daddy may be the keeper of my heart but only you, dear Mother, will ever be the essence of my soul.
I love you beyond all reason and measure
Forever mine...Forever blessed...
Happy Mother's Day!