Wednesday, May 22, 2013
I cannot remember the last time that I did anything for you whole-heartedly.
I’ve done nothing but mistreat you and abuse you in every way, for decades. I’m not only sorry but truly and utterly ashamed of how I’ve treated you all this time. I’ve disrespected you in every way and allowed others to do the same. I’ve ridiculed and blamed you for not allowing me to reach my goal, potential or status. As if it was your fault that I did not fuel you properly, so that you could perform at your best. All I’ve done is neglect you in every way. Feeding you the wrong foods, keeping you inactive and not loving you.
In return, you have done nothing but allowed me the chance to move and carry on every day. No matter how sick you’ve been or how tired I’ve made you. You have not failed me. You allow my heart to beat each day and give me room to breathe. Anyone/Anything else would have abandoned me a long time ago but you, you stay. You believe in me when I don’t. You care for me when my spirit cannot. Somehow you know that my will is strong and that someday…someday I will raise you up. Somehow you know that together we can do anything.
I’m deeply sorry that it’s taken me so long to come around and feel the damage that I’ve been single-handedly manifesting upon you all these years. I’m disgusted at my behaviour and ask, no beg you, for your forgiveness.
I want to thank you for being so kind, so loving and so very patient with me. For taking it slow and allowing me to understand and truly hear what it is you really need from me. For understanding that this journey of ours is my most difficult one. Thank you most for always reaching out to me, whenever I fall off the wagon and succumb to my old ways. Your love and support is always unconditional and I know it doesn’t have to be so. I have seen many bodies give up on others and am beyond grateful that you see something in me, in us, to carry on and stay right by my side – every step of the way. Lord knows I don’t deserve you, but I’m glad he believes I’m worth it.
I don’t have all the answers. I am not always strong. There will be days when the addict in me will surface and reign true, allowing my spirit to fall. These are what I call “the empty days”, when I feel helpless, worthless and cannot find meaning in anything. But, it’s during those days that I will need you to love me most. It is then that I will need you to work with my mind and spirit to help me back up, so that I can deliver myself from all the unnecessary evils. I’m not saying that I will never fail you again because I will. I’m human after all and must allow for such things. If I don’t, I will only cause myself more destruction and disillusion, and I think I’ve done enough of that already. All I beg of you is patience. That you continue to work with me and keep strong.
I promise that better days are ahead and someday, I will make you shine again. This, I vow.
To all women everywhere:
It’s time that we stop abusing our bodies and self-worth before it’s too late. We need to put an end to the “society talk” and status quos and truly see what we are really doing to our bodies because of it.
I had to learn the hard way and today, I live and fight with 2 eating disorders. It’s been the hardest struggle of my life to date. One that I pray to overcome. I wasn’t strong enough to understand that nothing/no one could ever love my body better than I could. That society should never dictate what anyone’s worth is. But, I didn’t and because of it, I live with the consequences of my decisions every day.
Today, I thankfully have an incredible team of people behind me and I am on the road to recovery. *** To my medical team of professionals, my Therapists, Group clinic team, my family and friends: Thank-you so much for working so hard every day to show me the way. I would not be alive today if it wasn't for all your "tough love", strength and support. I love you all. ****
It has taken me a year to come to terms with all the emotions and fear that this illness has brought. Afraid of admitting all that I am going through for fear that no one would understand. Afraid of being ridiculed and judged. But it’s time. I’m realizing that by hiding I’m missing out on helping others going through the same thing.
If you or anyone you know/love is suffering from an eating disorder or eating addiction, there is help out there. All you have to do is ask. Don’t be afraid or pretend it’s not happening, like I did. Don’t wait until it’s too late to love yourself. Trust me, there is no greater glory than “self-love” and no greater fulfillment than being healthy…. at any weight!
I invite you all to join me in the pledge to our bodies below:
Much love & respect: Gia
Today I pledge to love my body.
I pledge to refrain from saying derogatory things about my weight, shape, or appearance. If I talk about my body, it will be to tell the world how absolutely fabulous it is.
I pledge to hold others accountable to respecting my body in all its shapely glory. I will not allow others to create the definitions of what is right for my body. I will make those decisions and stand firm by them.
I pledge to honour the signals that my body sends me. I will sleep when I’m tired, eat when I’m hungry, and drink when I’m thirsty. I will play when my body needs movement and slow down when it needs rest. I will listen closely.
I pledge to treat my body well, just for being amazing. I will do things that give my body pleasure in all forms, as long as those things don’t hurt me.
I pledge to stand up for the right of all bodies to be treated with respect. I will defend others whom I hear bullied and will take action when society tries to tell us what the “right” body is.
I pledge to move my body in ways that give me joy and energy. I will bend and twist and stretch and jump, but I will not devote hours of my life to activity that brings my body pain, tension, or stress.
I pledge to be honest with myself about my body and it’s needs and desires. I will not hide behind lies that I am not good enough, tall enough, attractive enough, thin enough, or just enough.
I pledge to teach others to love their bodies as well, by modeling a positive attitude toward my body and showing others that acceptance is possible. I will inspire in others what I wished someone inspired in me.
~ Author of the Pledge is Unknown ~