Friday, February 3, 2012
Heart WIDE OPEN
Something really crazy happened a few days ago. I had a "love at first sight" moment. It was very odd and strange for me, because I'm not one of those people who have those kinds of episodes/experiences. I believe it's possible-whole heatedly however, at my age I've given up on that idea. The entire analogy of looking at someone for the first time and feeling love is not only crazy, but a tad insane. I mean how can anyone possibly "love" anyone they don't even know? Yet, I suppose one would have to experience it to understand. Well, now that I have I can honestly say that I get it.
I think calling it "love at first sight" is not what I would describe it as being, but rather " butterflies at first sight" Now, I've had butterflies before but not quite like this. It was this intense and overwhelming feeling that immediately washed over me as I watched this man casually enter my area of vision. I was instantly hooked, drawn, captured...whatever you wanna call it. All i know is that in that moment, my entire life just "stopped" and I had entered a different realm of state. Every internal bell and whistle went off, shouting "OMGoosh..there he is. He's the guy" Crazy right? And yet, it was entirely happening.
Realizing immediately that I had somehow stumbled upon something wonderful, I knew that contact had to be made. Then, tragedy struck: Engaged! Just like that, my heart sank into the lowest part of me. I didn't get it. He was perfect (for me). The most incredible "baby brown eyes" that I had ever seen. You know the ones I'm talking about. Eyes that you could get lost in. Beautiful long wavy dark locks. The most incredible smile I've seen in a long time. It was one where it was adorable and sinful all in the same breath. Tall, rugged and handsome. Arms that you just needed to be held by; knowing that their embrace could cure the darkest of my days. A musician and song-writer, gifted by the heavens to make you melt with his talents. A guitarist and singer. A simple man who somehow knows the importance of remaining a child somewhere in his heart-forever. Funny, easy-going and warm.
To the average reader this may all sound swell but to those who know me, truly KNOW ME, will understand and instantly feel my pain. This guy couldn't have been more perfect for me if I had created him myself. But alas...taken, soon to be wed to the love of HIS life.
I found my mind posing a certain question to my heart: In any given lifetime, are we only allotted a certain number of times to fall in love? Sometimes, I think that I've "used up" all of my chances at finding a great love. I've been blessed to have loved and been loved a number of times in my life. Yet, as grateful as I am for having those incredible experiences, I wonder if that was it. Have I used up all my "Love Cards"? Perhaps my time is done and the time for great loves has passed me by. I mean, what other reason could there possibly be? Why else would this spectacle of a man be "dangled" in front of me, only to be snatched away by "very bad timing" It's just not fair.
Maybe true love is a decision. You know, a decision to take a chance with somebody. To give to somebody. Without worrying whether they’ll give anything back. Or if they’re gonna hurt you, or if they really are the one. Maybe love isn’t something that happens to you. Maybe it’s something you have to choose.
It was nice though. Feeling alive like that. Definitely glad I found him..even just for a moment.