LOVE & WORTH BY NUMBERS

I was on my way one night, grabbing an herbal tea from the local java hut near my place, when I overheard two teenage girls having a conversation in front of me. I didn’t pay much mind to them (as I was busy fooling around with my iPhone) until I heard this:

“I always make myself throw up after I eat nowadays cuz I don’t wanna get fat. Tony will dump me if I gain any weight”.

I swallowed hard but remained quiet. I looked up at her and I could swear I was starring right back at myself. That could have very well been me Twenty some odd years ago. Boy how things have NOT changed.

As women, we constantly and continuously judge our worth by what men (or people in general) see. At that age, we look at the men in our lives and think how perfect they are and how lucky we are to have them, rather than telling ourselves just how damn lucky they are to have US too!!! In all this time we haven’t really evolved from that point of perception and it scares me.

More than ever before, we've become a world that basis love or the self-worth of individuals by numbers.  An IQ score, a credit rating, a balance amount in your bank accounts, the K we make in year and the killer of them all - the numbers on a scale.  We are all what I like to call "Loved By Numbers" and I for one and sick of it.  How dare we continue to allow life to dictate who can be loved?  How can we continue to all life to portary who will be loved based on what they look like? When put like that it sounds kind of sickening, doesn't it?  Yet we ALL allow it to happen.  We are ALL guilty of it in some form or fashion. 

Love and worth by numbers.  It is the root of all addictions, suicides, bullying, anxiety and depression.  It all scares me.

It scares me because I have a one-year old niece, Emily (whom I love and adore more than life itself) and I would NEVER want her to feel (even for one second) how I, this girl or the millions of others have. It would kill me. I honestly believe that if I EVER heard one individual (a family member/friend or stranger) make a derogatory comment to her about her weight/appearance (or otherwise) in my presence; they would see a side of me that seldom people do-I assure you! That kind of thing will NEVER be tolerated by me.

There was a time not too long ago when I didn’t think I was worth much as a Lady or as a human being.  I was a very confident and happy child who turned into a rebellious, angry teenager who couldn’t see just how incredible, wonderful or amazing she was and would never have believed it even if you told her. Sad is really the word for what it was. Instead of keeping negative comments away from me, I took what others said as “my known worth of myself and what I had to offer”.  What most individuals don’t understand is that words run deep.  Deeper than blood at times and hit harder than any punch ever could.  It took years of being a grown up to get that confidence and self-worth back. There are still days that I get caught up in challenging situations and forget. The scary part of it all (when that happens) is that in the blink of an eye I can bring all that negativity back to my once again.  Words are powerful.  You can forgive them but once they are spoken, hurtful words will NEVER and can NEVER be forgotten-especially to a child/young adult.

I see so many "ME's" out there in so many young women and I just want to cry out to them "It's going to get better. You'll truly be ok someday. That what doesn’t kill you will certainly make you stronger". Then I thought, how many more there could be roaming around feeling the same way. So I decided to post a reminder for myself and all women, here today:

WE should never play by anyone's rules, because we make our own. Create your futures, don't just succumb to what others believe we should be. YOU ARE AMAZING AS YOU ARE! Stronger than you know. More beautiful than you think. Worthier than you believe. More loved than you can ever imagine. Passionate about making a difference. Fiery when protecting those you love. Learning. Growing. Not alone. Warm. Giving. Generous. Quirky. Sexy. Funny. Smart. Flawed. Whole. Scared. Brave and so much more. So, Be Strong. Be Confident. Most importantly always BE YOU!!!”

 "To all young women out there today who struggle with just trying to be enough so that you will be loved by a man:  Always know that the love and respect that you have for yourself will always be LOUDER than anything.  Always, ALWAYS trust in that"