Saturday, January 4, 2020
REAL TALK 2020
As 2019 ended, I laid to rest giving others the permission and the right to tell me what to do or to validate their poor opinions of whom I should be.
For 45 years, I feel as though I have allowed my family, friends, partners, colleagues, bosses and even strangers, dictate how I have felt about myself. Words, emotions, and feelings that manifested into something worse inside my own head, inside my heart. It gave birth to a lot of self-doubt, unworthiness, self-hate, depression, and feelings of being unloveable. The voices and noise in your own head can be maddening but, the noise put there by others - catastrophic!
Now, don't get it twisted. I and I alone am responsible for what I let into my head and heart. I own that shit. The choices I have made, the voices I have listened to - all my own fault. I wasn't strong enough to drown out the bullshit of others, nor was I brave enough to allow myself the chance or courage to kill the demons in my own mind. I was afraid. I have always been afraid.
But, as sure as I am sitting here, writing this, pouring my heart out - ITS OVER! This insanity stops right here, right now!
No one has the right to make anyone else feel unbalanced or unworthy in life or of who they are within it. No one has the right to make someone feel less than or that who they are isn't good enough. That their dreams aren't valid, making you feel as though you always fall short of their respect or expectations.
I vow that 2020 will be different. A new mantra starts now. I begin a new hustle, a higher vibration, a new love for and with myself.
So, if you don't hear or see me much in 2020, it means that I chose ME over YOU - finally. It means that MY VOICE is the only one that matters, not yours. It means that I have chosen to be around those who fill me with positivity over negativity. My belief in my self, out-weighing your constant disbelief in who I am or can become.
And to some of you, others that I, unfortunately, cannot drown out of my life, because they are blood well, you will only get the cordial me - which will be nowhere near the core or heart of me.
I appreciate you and unconditionally love you (of course), but FUCK YOU TOO!