Saturday, February 19, 2011

Emotional Cleanse

This new beginning has been quite the emotional roller-coaster ride thus far.  After some reflection, I realize now that in order to have a "re-birth" you must shed the old skin.  That's been the tough part.  I've been digging so much into my closets to get all the demons out that I'd forgotten just how much I've stored there.  All these years, who would have guessed that I was an "emotional hoarder"

It's really hard to take a look at your life and see all the things you've been holding onto.  We all do it.  Some of us keep tangible possessions with us, while others keep people in their lives that most likely have no business being there.  Me, I hold onto emotions.  My mind is like a vault that way.  I remember every damn painful thing that's ever be said or has happened to me in my life.  Again, I'm sure most people do to a degree but I allow it to have too much control over who I am.  So needless to say this part of the journey has been very difficult for me. 

After spending a few late hours one night this week talking to one of my oldest and dearest friends, I realized that in order for my life to truly change I would have to alter my universe.  In order for me to move on to the next chapter I would have to really make peace with"volume one of  Gia's life"  It's the only way I will be able to give myself the chance/opportunity to be happy.  What I've been doing in the past is just simply shutting the door, trying to forget and it's not healthy.  How can you live in a place where you crave peace, love and happiness, when you keep hearing the knocking and cries of old ghosts?  You can't.  With that said, I have decided that this is the place where my first chapter begins.  Where I MUST begin.  Making peace with the past, forgiving others for all they have done/said that have kept my heart and vision of my life prisoner. Yet, as the days pass, I realize that I really have one person in particular to forgive most of all. Me!

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