Sunday, February 13, 2011
Been Round & Round
I wanted to thank you all for all your kindness and support over the last two months.
While dealing with a lot of emotional baggage in my life, I decided to stop writing for a while. I do realize that this was a mistake and therefore should have used this forum as a blank canvas for all my feelings.
Yet, even a Writer can go numb and blank from words. I needed to clear my mind of all the junk and come back focused.
I cannot say that I am completely free of all that haunts me just yet, but I have been round and round in my mind trying to digest all that is happening in my world. I can now see clearly. I know for most people a new year began on January 1st, but for me it begins on February 13th instead. I begin the new year with a new purpose, more dreams and an incredible determination to make them all happen. Sadly, I have had to make some hard decisions over the past several months to get myself to this point but I made it.
I buried some old ghosts, which were taking up residence in all my closets. Each time I opened a door, there they were. Just starring at me. Pointing and laughing. I had to end relationships and a love that I thought would warm me forever. It's truly been a painful process but I had to release myself in tears so my eyes would clear and I could finally see once again.
In doing all of this I do realize that I abandoned all of you. For this I am sorry. I haven't mastered how to keep my heart/soul open when I hurt. Enough so to allow the feelings to flow through words. However, I am learning to let it in. I am humbly thankful for my small public and utterly touched that you are all still here waiting for me. I am undeserving of such loyalty and feel so blessed.
So once again, I am looking at a blank page in the story of my life and a new chapter is just waiting to be written. I do not know what it will entail. I feel both afraid and excited as to what it may hold, but am willing to make the journey to find love, peace and happiness once again.
This is my adventure, my life. It may not always play out as I wish, but content to know that I am responsible for steering it in a positive direction. In the end ( just like Frankie Sanatra used to say...) I will know that "I did it MY WAY"