Saturday, May 28, 2011

Destiny's Child

You are what your deep, driving desire is.

As your desire is, so is your will.

As your will is, so is your deed.

As your deed is, so is your destiny

I am one of those people who have always believed that things happen for a reason.  A list of events, strung along in a particular sequence to illustrate points to us within our everyday life.  Not just random events, as I believe things like this are anything but random, but intricately placed moments that after a while you cannot but notice.  Have any of you ever experienced this before?

If your answer to this question is yes, then you certainly share some company in my belief.  The belief that things which occur to us are destined.  More often than not, I am challenged whenever I make this statement.  There are many who believe that things happen because they happen, but I would beg to differ.  My entire life has been filled with episodes/instances of coincidence.  Things occurring which aren't so easily explained.  Whenever I am in a place in my life where I feel lost or need guidance, this seems to be when they happen most.

I found a book in my study on Monday and for the life of me couldn't figure out how/why it was there.  It was odd because I can account for each and every book that is in my personal library.  Books have always been an important love of my life and I have carefully built that library with only books that have truly meant something to me-or had an incredible love for.  This book however, was oddly placed in the middle of them all, sticking out like a sore thumb.  It caught my eye instantly so I went to push it back into it's corner, when I was immediately thrown.  It was an electric blue paperback entitled: Life Lessons.  Based on my amazement of its discovery, it was safe to say that I had never purchased this book - and had no idea what it was doing on my shelf.  I picked it up and looked at the title:  Life Lessons.  Both the title and author were unfamiliar, so I opened it up and began to flip through it. 

The book was quite simple in illustration and listed one rule per page.  Each page listed it's own rule and a quotation the author found suitable for it.  I immediately found it bizarre because in my mind it instantly brought me back to a place in my life 3 years ago, when I first decided to write a book.  Bizarre because the book that I held in my hands was exactly the kind of book I wished to write.  The entire finding was rather odd and it sent shivers down my spine. 

Three years ago, my nephew was born.  The first time I looked at him I thought:  "All I ever want to do is protect you from all that I've seen and lived through, within this world".  I instantly wanted to protect/shelter him from all the bad stuff.  I knew then that this was not possible and it made me feel an element of fear I have never know before.  So I thought, if I can't protect him from it, the least I could do was guide him.  The best way I knew how to do that was to write to him.  Give him some basic rules of thumb to live by.  He would make his on choices indeed, but at the very least he would know the outcomes if certain actions were taken.  It's something all of us have said time and time again about our own lives:  "If I could only go back and do my life over, knowing what I know now"  Well, the book I wanted to write for him would be something like that.  A "Life Lesson" book, filled with meaningful words that he could take and carry with him in his life.  The same book that was staring at me now, in my study.  For one reason or another, I didn't do it.

For those of you who know me and for the rest of you who follow this blog, you all know how much I have been struggling with my writing over the past several years.  I have wanted to write a book for so long, but never quite figured out how to go about it.  I have had many different ideas along the way, great ones, but they never manifested into anything.  Many of you also know that I've been struggling with "my calling" in this life and if writing truly is it.  At the beginning of the month I had that crazy experience in my car, that I told you all about and now this.  Was this book another sign? 

Then on Wednesday, another incredible event took place. 

I had another "hard life day" and I came home to an empty silent house.  Most days that truly disturbs me, but today I welcomed the quiet calmness of it all.  I sat ever so still for about an hour.  Thinking about my life and what my next moves were going to be, to shape my existence.  I decided in that moment to turn on the television, and there she was.  Oprah Winfrey.  That day marked her final day on air, doing the Oprah Winfrey show.  I watched the entire show in "awe" and before I knew it I was in tears.

For an hour this woman stood on her stage and spoke to millions of how thankful and blessed she was for every moment this show was on air.  She shared words of love, calling and God that we should all adhere to within our lives.  It was as if she was speaking to me directly.  It was my very own personal "pep talk" from God (once again) but this time, through Oprah Winfrey.  There were too many things she spoke of that were very close to home for me:

"But I'm truly amazed that I, who started out in rural Mississippi in 1954, when the vision for a black girl was limited to being either a maid or a teacher in a segregated school, could end up here. It is no coincidence that a lonely little girl [and here Oprah tears up] who felt not a lot of love, even though my parents and grandparents did the best they could -- it is no coincidence that I grew up to feel genuine kindness, affection, validation and trust from millions of you all over the world. From you whose names I will never know, I learned what love is. You and this show have been the great love of my life."

The things she said that really hit home for me were:

"Everybody has a calling, and your real job is to find it"

"Nobody but you is responsible for your life.  You are responsible for your life"

"You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself and you are responsible for the energy that you bring to others"

" Live from the heart of yourself.  Your life is speaking to you.  What is it saying?"

"There's a difference between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of being happy. Your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough."

Call me crazy but, are these not all signs?  More importantly, are these not all signs/ a list of events, strung along in a particular sequence to illustrate points to me ( in particular at this stage in my life) to go after my dream?   I dunno.. some things are just undeniable!

Well, thanks for listening. As much as I've enjoyed sharing this time with all of you, my nephew is waiting for the book his Aunt promised to write for him.  I'm sad I put it off for so long, but the good thing about it all is:  Now I have a niece to share in all of this too.  :)

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