GETTING OVER THE EX - A DATING 101 EXCLUSIVE

As if dating and finding someone to love isn’t hard enough, you finally found them and they leave you.

I came across a quote somewhere once that read:  “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful”.  

So why do we even bother falling in love in the first place when ultimately all we will end up doing (eventually) is mending a broken heart?  Well, as terrible and heart-wrenching as getting over someone can be, we know that living without love is just NOT an option.  We ALL deserve someone incredible to love and spend our lives with.  So, in order for that to happen we’re going to have to get over the fact that in trying to find “the one” it will mean going through some heartache.

For all of you out there going through a break-up, my heart goes out to you.  It’s not an easy thing to go through or get over, so don’t try to rush through it.  It’s not a race.  Don’t dwell on the fact that your BBF, Katie got over her break up in a month, or that your buddy, Bill made Stacey a distant memory in a week-flat.  We are all different.  We all love differently so therefore, we all get over things in different ways.

No matter how you do it, it's always nice to have some advice before going through the trenches.  So, we've designed some tips which are sure to help.  They are all based on a random survey that LIFE AFX conducted with some of the dating singles and married couples in our beautiful city, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. 

HERE ARE 5 TIPS FOR GETTING OVER YOUR EX:

#1 -   TREAT ALL BREAK-UPS LIKE A DEATH

The important thing to remember is that you must “FEEL” every stage of the break-up in order to truly get over it.  So, if you’re feeling really sad one minute and pissed off the next, it’s perfectly natural.  Mending a broken heart is a process and one that takes time.  Just as long as you keep in mind that dead people don't come back to walk among the living.  It's called a BREAK UP because it's BROKEN.  Don't be a gluten for punishment and keep going back to the same toy that can NEVER be mended.  MOVE ON!!!

#2-  REMEMBER ONE THING:  THEY WEREN’T “ALL THAT”

Your Ex was never perfect so, stop acting like they were God’s gift to the earth.  Often, when a break-up happens, we lose sight of all their faults and put them on a pedestal.  Three words here folks:  TAKE THEM DOWN.  She’s just another girl and he’s just a guy.  That’s it!

# 3-  KEEP YOUR DISTANCE AND FORGET THEY EXISTED

It’s normal to feel a sense of loneliness when someone you love leaves you.  So you may be tempted to call them, do a drive by at their home/workplace, keep showing up at their favorite hang-out spots or ask their friends about them.  STOP!  This is only going to cause you MORE pain in the end.  When it’s over, it’s over!  You have to believe that and move on.  Yes, you may think silly things like:  “Maybe we’ll get back together”  “Maybe all they need is some space and time apart to realize that they truly love me” “Maybe we can still be friends”  This may all be very well and good but for now, it’s war and you need to stay alive.  Should destiny see another ending to your love story than so be it.  Let her do the leg work.  YOU.. ARE...OUT!

#4- STOP FEELING INSECURE

Look, it’s not easy to hear negative things.  Especially, when it’s coming from the party who just tore your heart out and stomped on it.  But, don’t give into the hype!  Don’t start believing that you are all they said you were or that you will never find someone new to love.  It’s not true.  You simply were not a good fit but, someday you will find someone that is.  For now, keep busy, positive and surround yourself with people that love you.  The best way to stop these feelings:  Get out there and "just do you" all over town.  No need to stay home, sulk and feel sorry for yourself.  It will only make you feel worse. 

#5 CLOSURE

We all look for this when a relationship ends.  It’s important to know two things here:  #1- There are many different types of closure.  #2 -  You may not always get it.  Sometimes we think that closure must come from the other party but in all honesty, you can also give it to yourself.  Closure can mean refusing to take their calls, to stop hanging out in places you are sure to run into them, throwing away reminders of your time together or simply refusing to waste another minute/tear on them.  However you plan on getting it, just do it and move on.  

Hope this little "cheat sheet" helps you all when going through a break-up.  And, for those of you who find yourselves happily OUT of the dating pool, I have only one thing to say to you:  YOU LUCKY SHIT!! (LOL)