I've been avoiding the news and social media altogether, because I don't want to hear about how sad people are right now. I don't want to hear other people's opinions or interpretations of Depression, Anxiety or the mental well-being of an obviously brilliant man. Unless you walk the dark and lonely halls of this disease you cannot possibly begin to understand or fathom what kind of pain and torture everyday life can be like. The helplessness of your thoughts, the stabbing pains in your heart, the haunting voices from deep within that have been taken over by demons- possessing your very soul. Continuously telling you that life is just too much to bare. Too much to possibly live through another waking moment. Making the idea of "forever sleep" seem so peaceful, freeing and inviting. Trust me. You have no idea how we live with it. How on earth could you, unless you do...
A brilliant mind is always tortured. No one ever knows what madness lies beneath our eyelids. That is the craziest thing of it all.
Sometimes, I'm afraid. Afraid that someday, the same will happen to me. That the voices of my addictions, illness and demons will drown out any Godly voice of reason within my own heart and mind; and win the battle over my existence. Because truly, anyone who suffers from mental illness can tell you that the question "to be or not to be" is asked of oneself a little more often than we are comfortable with. And those who claim that they've never contemplated it at least once is nothing but a filthy liar.
Ive always loved you Mr. Robin Williams. Hopefully now there is some sort of peacefulness within the darkness where once only fear and pain existed. There surely will be a lot of laughter in Heaven from now on. R.I.P.
In the words of Hamlet: