Tuesday, August 12, 2014

It Ain't All That Funny..

I've been avoiding the news and social media altogether, because I don't want to hear about how sad people are right now. I don't want to hear other people's opinions or interpretations of Depression, Anxiety or the mental well-being of an obviously brilliant man. Unless you walk the dark and lonely halls of this disease you cannot possibly begin to understand or fathom what kind of pain and torture everyday life can be like. The helplessness of your thoughts, the stabbing pains in your heart, the haunting voices from deep within that have been taken over by demons- possessing your very soul. Continuously telling you that life is just too much to bare. Too much to possibly live through another waking moment. Making the idea of "forever sleep" seem so peaceful, freeing and inviting. Trust me. You have no idea how we live with it. How on earth could you, unless you do...

A brilliant mind is always tortured. No one ever knows what madness lies beneath our eyelids. That is the craziest thing of it all.

Sometimes, I'm afraid.  Afraid that someday, the same will happen to me. That the voices of my addictions, illness and demons will drown out any Godly voice of reason within my own heart and mind; and win the battle over my existence.  Because truly, anyone who suffers from mental illness can tell you that the question "to be or not to be" is asked of oneself a little more often than we are comfortable with.  And those who claim that they've never contemplated it at least once is nothing but a filthy liar.

Ive always loved you Mr. Robin Williams. Hopefully now there is some sort of peacefulness within the darkness where once only fear and pain existed. There surely will be a lot of laughter in Heaven from now on. R.I.P.

In the words of Hamlet:  

To be, or not to be--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia! -- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered...


  1. As an avid reader and loyal follower to your page, I am so sorry to hear that you too suffer from Depression and Anxiety. On top of the fact that you battle an eating disorder it must be so hard to bare. I just wanted to reach out and tell you that you are such a brave young woman to put it all out there like that. These kinds of things need to be said and voiced aloud more often, so that society can hear them and make things better in our world. So please, NEVER feel embarrassed or intimidated to say them. No matter what you may think, you are a strong person. An incredible person. You not only bare "the slings and arrows of your outrageous fortune" you share them and that is no easy feat. I applaud you, sweet Writer. Keep writing always. No matter what you may think, WE - your public are always reading, listening and looking forward to it. You're having quite a life right now but someday soon your ashes will be made into beauty. So, please promise to stick around to see it all blossom.
    FYI.. since the terrible circumstances of the late, great Robin Williams, there have been more calls to the suicide and depression distress line than ever before. That means a lot, right? You blogs can also have the same affect. So share them-always!

    Much appreciation

  2. Gia, one of your BEST blog pieces yet! You are truly a gem of a woman. Thank you for bringing awareness to a very painful subject in your life. Attention MUST be paid to this cause before we lose more brilliant minds to it. It's always the most creative of people who suffer from this disease isn't that ironic? Sending you positive blessings. Keep writing and Keep fighting because we need writers and people like you in this world.

    IF I MAY:

    Distress Centre: 416-408-HELP (4357) offers access to emotional support from the safety and security of the closest telephone. Callers can express their thoughts and feelings in confidence. Callers’ issues can include problems related to domestic violence, social isolation, suicide, addictions, mental and physical health concerns. The Distress Centre offers emotional support, crisis intervention, suicide prevention and linkage to emergency help when necessary

    Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 is a free, anonymous and confidential phone and
    on-line professional counseling service for youth. Big or small concerns. 24/7. 365 days a year.

    Mental Health Helpline, 1-866-531-2600
    Drug and Alcohol Helpline, 1-800-565-8603
    Ontario Problem Gambling Helpline, 1-888-230-3505

  3. I've never seen anyone write like you before. So much zest.; so much passion; so much realism. Your posts are always extrordinary to read Gia. I know how difficult a subject like this can be, especially when it rings so close to home. Like many others before me have said: You, my dear are never alone. I think that's pretty important to understand when you suffer from this kinda thing. I truly hope that you have an incredible support system because you deserve a great one. Do the people in your life know just how amazing you are? How incredible and talented you are? Well, if they ever need reminding - or if you do - you can always come here - to where your heart really is and find out from all of us - your fans!

    We love you Gia! Keep the faith!

    Cassandra Lewis
    Loyal and Devouted Fan :)

  4. Still cannot believe that Robin Williams is gone. He was one of my favourites in the entire world. It sucks that he felt he had no other alternative or hope than to commit suicide. How hard of a decision must that have been. WOW.. painful stuff!
    Gia, I hope that you and everyone else who suffers from this thing keep strong and always remember no to follow the dark voices that tell you that your life isn't beautiful and meaningful, because it absolutely is. You'd be missed so please never give in.


  5. We need much more awareness toward Mental Health / Ilness than what's out there people. Those who suffer do so in silence (clearly) because others around them and society doesn't understand.

    Mike Randell