Intimate & Interactive With The Writer

Since I began this blog page, many of you have continuously written me to give you more of an insight into who the "woman behind the writing" is.  I thought I was doing so with my words, but it seems that you all want a little more.  So, I've decided to dedicate a few blog entries to doing just that. This will be my first.  Others will follow periodically throughout my time here with you; but with no real agenda.  So I suppose you will just have to "tune in" every now and again and look for them.

Back to Basics:

I am currently 36 years old, of  southern Italian decent, but born and raised in Toronto, Canada.
I am the eldest of three, but for many reasons most think I am the youngest.  I used to find it a bit insulting growing up but looking back I realized that there were many great reasons why others associated me as such.  Reasons to which am very proud of today.

The Essence:

I'm a pretty simple/down to earth kinda gal with very complex ideas. I am an incredible romantic and always treat those around me with the utmost respect, love and kindness. I'm someone who is just good to people-even those who seldom deserve it.  Those who truly know me best would say that I "wear my heart on my sleeve" way too much within this life. That people use my kindness and trust for their own agendas. I choose not to fixate myself on all that negativity. As a very wise young man once said: "People are people, we live for our own. Live by what you believe, not by what you've been told"  All I have ever worried about is simply "doin' me" that's it. What others choose to do is simply that- their choice. After all, there is never harm done when you're sending "good energy" out into the universe. 

Background:

As far back as I can remember I have always loved learning things.  It didn't really matter what it was, I just wanted to know as much about "everything" as I possibly could. Which I suppose is why I loved school so much.  I was completely fascinated with all the different things I could shove into my brain, on any given day.  Yet, school taught me so much more than that.  It wasn't solely about learning a curriculum but about learning what your place was to be in this world. Not a place others believed should be yours, but a place YOU BELIEVED could be.  I have always been a strong believer in education.  It's a vital component in life.

Most of my life I believed that my truest love was music.  Something about it made me come alive in ways I never would have imagined possible.  I owe this love to my Grandmother, Ernestina.  Growing up she always encouraged me to learn music.  Til this day, one of my most treasured memories was our home always filled with music.  She always asked me to sing, so I sang every song I ever heard for her.  I remember saying to her one day, " I don't know any more songs to sing" and she replied, "Well, you know how to write don't you?  So write some songs of your own and sing those to me".  She must have read my mind because the next thing she said went something like: " Don't you look at me like I'm crazy, go do it.  It'll be fun"  Alas, if she could only see me now.  I miss her so much!

Growing up I was lead vocalist in a couple of different bands in Toronto.  The first experience mainly explored performing covers from various popular artists.  It was a lot of fun, but it lacked the creativity I craved.  The second band I joined was filled with individuals who wanted to make their own music and very much needed a lead who believed the same.  Although, music is one of my greatest loves, I found my truest one in the midst of it. Writing. I had gone back to my roots again.  I realized at an early stage in my life that writing gave me a greater high than even music could. So I stepped out of the lime light and dabbled in lyrical/music writing.

It wasn't until my final year of high school that I really began short story/article writing.  I had a wonderful English teacher who pushed me to explore this area further.  He was the very first person to tell me that my writing reminded him of "Shakespeare" and that I owed it to myself and the world to share it.  Again, like that moment so long ago with my Grandmother, I thought "the man is crazy" and I told him so on many different occasions.  I didn't know much about Shakespeare in those days, but he fixed all of that.  Til this day, I can recite one of the most famous Shakespearean soliloquies ( To Be Or Not To Be) by heart - all thanks to him.  He told me once that "true beauty can only be captured with words".  A picture or a scene can catch it, but only words can capture it's essence.  How incredibly true that is.

More on Gia to come in the future...

Dream, Dream, Dream ...

"I'm too busy chasing stars, to care how silly you think my dreams are"..Gia

At what time did people stopping believing in dreams?  I mean, do people actually go around their daily lives without a purpose?  Without a dream?  The sheer thought of it makes me utterly sad.

I was in line with a friend tonight, at the voting poll no less, when someone behind me actually felt the need to blurt out their opinion on our conversation.

 I haven't seen this particular friend in sometime, so we were trying to catch one another up on our lives before it was our turn to vote.  So I told him about the book I had finally begun to write and how wonderful it was that there were a couple of publishing houses that were interested in my work.  He relayed in return how great he thought it was that I was finally going after my dream and how important it was to never let go of what I believed in-no matter what the odds. I fully agreed and communicated that I was definitely a "dreamer girl" at heart and had no intention of letting my feet touch the ground for the moment.  This was my time, my one chance to go for it, and that was exactly what I was planning on doing.

Then, all of the sudden out of the clear blue, I hear a voice over my shoulder.  A deep, raspy sarcastic voice letting me know what he thought about "me and my dreams".  "Dreams are silly things adults tell little children to keep them in check" is what this man decided to blurt out from behind me.  My friend and I looked at one another and then immediately turned to look at the shell of the individual currently on a soap box.
The man again opened his mouth to speak:  "It's true", he said.  " and you don't look like a little girl to me, so stop dreaming and get it through your head.  Dreams are for stupid lazy people, who think they can try to get out of working the asses off -for the rest of their damn lives"  I'm not certain, but that may have in fact been the exact time that I wanted to just slap him.  Twice!  Once for being rude, and secondly for being such a pompass ass. 

Yet, it wasn't long at all that my frustration of this man's ignorance turned into pity for him instead.  I began to think about how incredibly horrible this man's entire existence must have been to believe such garbage.  This man's dreams were clearly broken at a very young age.  That must be the answer, because I wasn't ready to accept the fact that this man standing before me was just that mean.  All I could do was stare at him in utter amazement.  I had a million things I wanted to say, but when I opened my mouth nothing came out.  Finally, my friend looked at him and said:  "Well I guess we're just a couple of stupid kids, then aren't we?" The man just shook his head and mumbled something underneath his breath. 

I cannot believe that there are people out there that allow "life" to take away their dreams; or their ability to hold on to any.  Of course life rears it's ugly head every now and again, but why do we allow life events to shadow who were are and what we believe in.  Who are we if we do not stand for something?  If we do not believe in something?  If we do not dream of change?  I for one will never allow "life" to diminish who I am or what dreams I wish to fulfill.  I cannot change the events that will happen to me within this life. I have no control over this aspect of things.  However, what I do have control over are my emotions.  I and I alone, have the power to decide what these events will mean to me.  That being said, I will never allow anything or anyone own the definition of who I am or how big I wish to dream. 

Now thinking back on it, several hours later, I truly feel sorry for the man in my line up tonight.  It is unfathomable to me that someone/something along the way destroyed that mans hopes and dreams.  That at some point he was told to "grow up and stop dreaming".  I think it's truly important to remain a child somewhere within your heart at any age.  It's that very innocence that dreams are made of.  The very thing that makes them come alive.  I am so sorry that this was stolen from him and tonight I pray that somehow he regains that spirit-and dares to dream once more.

"No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams" .... Jesse Jackson

Past Lives

Have you ever thought about past lives before?  Have you ever thought that you may in fact have any yourself? 

Personally, I have always believed in this kind of thing.  However, being of "Catholic decent" I am not suppose to.  My religion apparently forbids it.  Which is probably why I don't believe myself to be a "full blown Catholic follower".  I believe in God, in angels,saints, heaven and of course hell.  Yet, I don't necessarily believe in the conditions that this religion puts on it's followers.  I have always been the kind of girl that marches to the beat of her own drum anyway, so for those that know me this statement shouldn't be a surprise. 

I have struggled with religion my entire life, and at times even tried to walk away from it entirely-but never did.  Something always held onto me, while I was slipping deeper and deeper into the bottomless abyss we call hell.  In my darkest moments I always had strength.  Some how, some way.  I never truly understood it, but perhaps it wasn't meant to be.  That's what blind faith is suppose to mean anyway, isn't it?  Just believing in something without proof that it actually exists.  So I made peace with God a long time ago and he knows where I stand and loves me nevertheless for it.  So I don't feel I need a priest or pope to tell me what kind of "follower of God" I need to be.  I know he exists, I know he is good and I know that he will always carry me when I can no longer walk.  Beyond all of that, I believe in God enough to fear him and that my dear friends is power.

So I do believe that I have walked this earth before.  Specifically in what I like to call:  "Old England Days"
I am not certain why exactly, but I have always felt a tie to this life.  I think that generally when people have a certain love, passion or pull to something in particular (for no apparent reason) it must mean something.  Now I don't mean a talent per say, but rather a familiarity to something or someone.  If you do you should explore it further.

 

Throughout my life there have been many "deja-vu moments" if you will or coincidences, that I could not explain.  The smell of something, the feel of a particular fabric and old pictures seen in history books.  They have always given me chills.  Subconsciously I know why, but it frightens me to admit it aloud. 

The weirdest thing I can recall ever happening in my life is, always answering to a particular name that I don't have any recollection of.  There have been instances where I have been out and turned around answering: "Yes?" to someone obviously calling someone else.  The familiarity of the name is outstanding.  I could never explain it, yet whenever this happens I fully react as if it were truly me.  So can that be explained in any other way other than perhaps having been a person with this name-in the past?

Another crazy thing I can recall is when I visited England 8 years ago.  I did all of the things most tourists do.  I went to the castles, saw the palace and rode the tube.  One day, we visited an old church and then made our way to another down a particular road.  I had complete deja-vu of this road.  However, I pictured it differently.  Older, with wagon tracks all along the roadside.  Not a paved road, but a dirt road with old Willow trees marking the pathway.  It scared me for a moment, but I knew I had seen this before.  The rest of the day brought more and more feelings of familiarity.  I had lived there before, but in a time long long ago.

Even my writing has been described as unique.  There have been countless individuals who have always said that my words take on a certain flow-almost a "Shakespearean like" form.  I have never been taught how to write professionally.  I posses no journalism degree nor have I ever consulted with writing coaches.  Yet, I write this way.  For no apparent reason, except that I love to express myself this manner.  I have never believed that writing could be taught.  You either feel it or you don't.  However, it's merely my opinion-which doesn't really count for much.

These are things no one could possibly explain, or have any right trying to persuade you not to believe.  I firmly believe that.  I feel within my heart that I have lived before.  Possibly 3 times (including this one) to be exact.  Perhaps it is silly to believe in such things, but I believe it has shaped me into who I am, what I love and all the things I believe today.  I believe it is why I have the passion for words, music and people as I do.  Somewhere, sometime ago I loved and believed in these things before.  So strongly that I have carried them with me in each life.  Making them the truest essence of the woman I am. 

It may be ridiculous but it's my belief all the same -and no one will ever take it from me.

My Road Taken

I wanted to say thank you to all of you who write to me each day. Your words of encouragement and compliments upon my writing are well received and I am truly humbled by this entire experience. I am so grateful to have this kind of podium.  Reaching/touching others with my words is the most important thing I have to do in this life.  I realize that now.  For at the end of this life, people will always forget what you've done for them.  They will always forget what you've given them- but they will always remember how you made them feel.

I do apologize to you all for not keeping up with my writing posts as of late. My life has taken quite a spin in the past several weeks and I have not given my writing, or this page, the attention it truly deserves.


It is funny how crazy life can be sometimes.  One minute you are stumbling along, trying to make something of yourself and then BOOM!  Everything falls into place.  Then somewhere along the way, you loose it all again and have to start anew. 

I've realized that life is truly all about new beginnings and ends.  Every moment has it's own purpose under heaven and there really is a time and place for everything.  What goes up certainly must come down again, but what we fail to see is that it will find its way back up once more.  However, the sheer beauty of this process, that I have come to enjoy, is the journey along the way.  Yes, I've had my high moments within this life, but I have also had very low dark ones as well.  Yet, my favourite moments by far are now the "in-between" stages of the highs and lows.  A wise man once told me that in life you have mountains and low roads but nothing, nothing is more beautiful than the valleys.  I cannot tell you how true this is.

For the first time in my life I believe that I am all over the map in my journey.  I've never really experienced this kind of thing before.  One day I'm in the mountains, enjoying all the ripe fruit of my labour, and then in a day or two I'm back down to the low roads.  Then with a mere exhale, I find myself in another valley, walking along and taking time to smell the roses.  It's a little unsettling but I'm enjoying the ride and trying to learn as much as I can from the experience.

As of late, I have been embarking on many different travels:  I've just recently began writing a book.  Something I truly hope all of you will enjoy someday.  I've also begun a new adventure in my present work place-which also stems from writing. I have been journeying through the road to health and physical wellness, which proves to be one of the most challenging trips I have ever taken.  As well as, figuring out my personal life and where it's leading me.  Although, there are many different dynamics happening all at once, I am truly enjoying every minute of it.  Yes, there are days that I feel incredibly overwhelmed and wish to just move to the other side of the world and calm my mind, but then there are moments where I catch myself smiling at the marvel of it all. 

Dare I say it?  For the first time in my life I am actually proud of myself.  Proud of all that I have gone through and survived, only to get to this stage and frame of mind.  I am truly blessed and grateful for all that has happened in my life up to this point.  All the good, all the bad and yes, all the in-between.  My Mom will always say to me (with such as sad look upon her face) that she is so sorry that my life has been so hard.  That no matter what road I take it always seems to be a long one; full of trials.  I will admit that I too, have often wondered why it seems to take me forever to get to the other side of the rainbow. Yet, I'm learning that more often than not, the road not taken is the greatest road of all. I choose to believe that someone/something divinely infinite wants me to be truly enriched with all the beauty of this world. For you see, one cannot truly know happiness until they've experienced great sadness.  You will never know great pleasures until you've known incredible pain.  I've tried to explain it to her many times, as I hate to see her heart ache for me.  I truly hope that someday she will know that I am truly OK with the paths my destiny feels that I must journey through.  I will always go though things, I will always be sad and happy -sometimes all in the same day.  Nevertheless, I will always be thankful, humble and grateful to God for the opportunities I have each day to walk this earth.

If any of you learn a single thing from my life and the words I choose to express it with, be it this:  No matter how many mountains you climb, or how many low roads you must travel - always remember to live in every moment that you're alive.  That is my personal quote to all of you!

Fear

It fascinates me how much I love all those around me. 
Each individual uniquely different from the next person in my life.
Every one of them intricately playing a part in creating the person I am.
Every little part of who they are come together to make me whole.
They teach me how to love, how to experience joy, how to be happy and to always have courage for a tomorrow.

It frightens me at times, how much I love them.  For I don't always wish to feel so much for any of them.
Not because I don't want to, but because I loose a part of myself when they are not around.
How would I ever be able to be myself without them, is something I wonder every day.

The greatest fear of all is that in the end I will be alone. That they will take their leave from me, never to return.  Inevitably this will come to pass-naturally.  For nothing of this earth is to remain forever. 
Yet I do whatever I must to keep this from happening.

They possess an energy that I need in my daily life.  Without them I would surely die.
I love who I am because of them.  They make my reflection meaningful and give my life true purpose.
How would I ever know how to life without their daily presence in my life-I will never know.
I suppose that is something I never wish to know.

This, is the only selfish part of me. 

 

Forever Young

As my 37th birthday approaches I cannot help but wonder how quickly the years pass.  Now, don't misunderstand this to mean that I am yet another one of those individuals afraid to grow older and trying desperately to hold onto being young by any means possible, because that's simply untrue.  I actually look forward to every single birthday and year that passes.  To me, age is truly nothing but a number and try not to give into the "scare" of it all.  After all, new years bring new adventures, new journeys and new dreams.  If not, what it can do is bring you one step closer to ones already in play.  It can also give you a swift kick in the behind to realize those things you've put off doing as well.

That being said, I still do feel a bit off about things in a general sense.  What I mean is that although I am in my mid Thirties, I could swear that I am still this 17 year old girl mentally.  I have always been a "young girl at heart" and I am very proud to say that I have never lost my youthful sense of life.  I still listen to my music as loudly now as I did then.  I cannot wait to talk to my girlfriends about their love lives more now than ever before.  I am always looking for the next exciting adventure awaiting me and still giggle uncontrollably like a school girl whenever a cute guy smiles at me. At times I feel more youthful now than ever before.

I truly believe that youthfulness (as everything else) is a "state of mind"  at best.  Something many of us clearly forget.  So why is that exactly?  At what point do any of us look around at our lives and feel old?  More importantly, why do we loose that sense of "youthful freedom" when we become a certain age?  Of course with age comes responsibility and financial obligations (two things that may have never been a real concern when we were 17), but when did it become ok to allow our spirits to die? 

As human beings we are all threatened by numbers.  Our age, the amount of money we make, the number of possessions we own, how much we weigh, the number of grey hairs or wrinkles that we have and most importantly:  How many failures we have counted in discouragement.  We are imprisoned by them time and time again.  Numbers create importance in our minds and burden our hearts when all we should really care about is how we feel inside. 

I for one refuse to allow my years to pass in fear or sadness of what a number may represent.  They do not threaten me.  Instead I am truly thankful for every day and year that I spend on this earth and look forward to new journeys.  I will never let a number define who I am, or allow it to represent who I should be or how I should act.  We should  never forget to be and feel young everyday.  In the end it is that kind of mentality that will truly ever keep you feeling alive. 

In the words of  an infamous band:  Words that I will always salute and live by:


"Freedom has a scent like the top of a newborn baby's head
The songs are in your eyes
Everyone can see them when you smile
Always look in the mirror and see yourself from the start
And never forget to always remain a child, somewhere inside your heart"

U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb