Sunday, October 24, 2010

Past Lives

Have you ever thought about past lives before?  Have you ever thought that you may in fact have any yourself? 

Personally, I have always believed in this kind of thing.  However, being of "Catholic decent" I am not suppose to.  My religion apparently forbids it.  Which is probably why I don't believe myself to be a "full blown Catholic follower".  I believe in God, in angels,saints, heaven and of course hell.  Yet, I don't necessarily believe in the conditions that this religion puts on it's followers.  I have always been the kind of girl that marches to the beat of her own drum anyway, so for those that know me this statement shouldn't be a surprise. 

I have struggled with religion my entire life, and at times even tried to walk away from it entirely-but never did.  Something always held onto me, while I was slipping deeper and deeper into the bottomless abyss we call hell.  In my darkest moments I always had strength.  Some how, some way.  I never truly understood it, but perhaps it wasn't meant to be.  That's what blind faith is suppose to mean anyway, isn't it?  Just believing in something without proof that it actually exists.  So I made peace with God a long time ago and he knows where I stand and loves me nevertheless for it.  So I don't feel I need a priest or pope to tell me what kind of "follower of God" I need to be.  I know he exists, I know he is good and I know that he will always carry me when I can no longer walk.  Beyond all of that, I believe in God enough to fear him and that my dear friends is power.

So I do believe that I have walked this earth before.  Specifically in what I like to call:  "Old England Days"
I am not certain why exactly, but I have always felt a tie to this life.  I think that generally when people have a certain love, passion or pull to something in particular (for no apparent reason) it must mean something.  Now I don't mean a talent per say, but rather a familiarity to something or someone.  If you do you should explore it further.

Throughout my life there have been many "deja-vu moments" if you will or coincidences, that I could not explain.  The smell of something, the feel of a particular fabric and old pictures seen in history books.  They have always given me chills.  Subconsciously I know why, but it frightens me to admit it aloud. 

The weirdest thing I can recall ever happening in my life is, always answering to a particular name that I don't have any recollection of.  There have been instances where I have been out and turned around answering: "Yes?" to someone obviously calling someone else.  The familiarity of the name is outstanding.  I could never explain it, yet whenever this happens I fully react as if it were truly me.  So can that be explained in any other way other than perhaps having been a person with this name-in the past?

Another crazy thing I can recall is when I visited England 8 years ago.  I did all of the things most tourists do.  I went to the castles, saw the palace and rode the tube.  One day, we visited an old church and then made our way to another down a particular road.  I had complete deja-vu of this road.  However, I pictured it differently.  Older, with wagon tracks all along the roadside.  Not a paved road, but a dirt road with old Willow trees marking the pathway.  It scared me for a moment, but I knew I had seen this before.  The rest of the day brought more and more feelings of familiarity.  I had lived there before, but in a time long long ago.

Even my writing has been described as unique.  There have been countless individuals who have always said that my words take on a certain flow-almost a "Shakespearean like" form.  I have never been taught how to write professionally.  I posses no journalism degree nor have I ever consulted with writing coaches.  Yet, I write this way.  For no apparent reason, except that I love to express myself this manner.  I have never believed that writing could be taught.  You either feel it or you don't.  However, it's merely my opinion-which doesn't really count for much.

These are things no one could possibly explain, or have any right trying to persuade you not to believe.  I firmly believe that.  I feel within my heart that I have lived before.  Possibly 3 times (including this one) to be exact.  Perhaps it is silly to believe in such things, but I believe it has shaped me into who I am, what I love and all the things I believe today.  I believe it is why I have the passion for words, music and people as I do.  Somewhere, sometime ago I loved and believed in these things before.  So strongly that I have carried them with me in each life.  Making them the truest essence of the woman I am. 

It may be ridiculous but it's my belief all the same -and no one will ever take it from me.

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