Wednesday, April 14, 2010


What is it about dating that makes every one of us crazy? I mean think about it for one moment. One minute you are in control of your life and everything around it, than suddenly some higher power throws someone in your midst and BOOM! Your entire world is upside down. I have often wondered why that is, the fact that teeny tiny words like LOVE, MAN and WOMAN can alter your perception of right and wrong completely. So what is it? What makes us change or adapt new persona's because we suddenly fall for “Mr. & Ms. Right Now”?

You hear it all over. Your friends talking about the men and women they date. How they are all alike and the same; regardless of dimension or substance. How the women who came across so exquisitely one minute became such clingy, possessive stalkers the next. Or about the men who were romantic gentlemen truly into your ideals, became such heartless rouges merely after one more notch on their bedposts. Are we all mere suckers for the common fairy tale? Are we all blinded by the perfect love we create in our minds and read about in books that we cannot see the individual for who they truly are? The circumstance or situation for what it really is? Perhaps it’s time we all wake up from our dreams, at least long enough to keep the nightmares in perspective.

I used to be one of those individuals on the sidelines, a “dating spectator” if you will, for a long time. Watching my friends begin and end so many relationships I truly felt as though I was going through them myself. I never understood the silly stupid things they did because of someone they were with or interested in. Things like jealousy and analytical behavior overtaking their very souls. They stressed and worried about things for days. Going over even the smallest of details regarding things said in a conversation that may not have gone their way. It literally made them crazy. Being a die hard romantic I always believed that when the perfect love came along there would never be any need for all this negative energy. That the real feeling would only radiate positive strength in the two individuals cosmically connected. I'm not a jealous person by character and will not conform to another person because I fell for someone. That was my case and I was sticking to it! Uncanny how things can change.

After some extensive research and observation of men and women in their “dating cycles” I realized that although we claim to be very open, upfront and brutally honest about what we are looking for in the opposite sex we couldn't be more evasive. The more we would like to believe that we are being “crystal clear” with our words, we could not be more misleading.

When we enter the world of love and dating all is fair within it. At least that is what we have always been told. Anyone is fair game and their love, free for the taking. Now poetically that statement is bold and romantic, but in the real world, do we take it too far?

Like many things in life, dating too can be a political arena. You have candidates promising you one thing but delivering another. Allowing you to believe that they are addressing your wants, desires and needs in a clear and concise fashion, yet only sticking around until their own agendas have been fulfilled. Making you believe that you have a voice and that voice speaks volumes in the name of truth and sincerity, only for it to be blocked out eventually by their own. Although could it be possible that we as individuals put too many expectations on the other person; as much as we do with politicians? In a word… YES! I believe we do indeed. I think as people we put such incredibly high expectations on those who come into our lives. We expect them to be our world, our everything and when the slightest thing goes wrong or needs are not being met we crumble and blame them for allowing our worlds to fall. Somewhere along the way, in our search of the perfect man and woman to make us whole, we forget a very important element. That is, that we are simplistic perfection. We are already whole all on our own and once we truly understand that then and only then can we stop the “dating insanity”

We must always remember that we crave Utopia by political association. We have been conditioned as a society to believe that our politicians are “Gods” That with their powers they can bring forth a world in the exact fashion that we dream of in slumber, so naturally we would believe that love and dating work the same way. The individual we deem lucky enough to spend time with should never let us down, never make a mistake and never misuse their “powers” that they so diligently hold over us because we fell for them. But with all of that we forget a very important fact. The fact that they are human as we are and it is in our natures to gear off path every now and again. That perhaps it is because of our own expectations that these relationships fail. We cannot use this as the equation for everything but I am quite positive that most of us can relate self destruction as the leading cause of why “some” relationships go sour.

A wise person once said, “If you have no expectations you can truly have no disappointments” Some say it is the root of all heartache. In the dating world that one phrase speaks volumes.

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