Saturday, December 3, 2011

First Dates - To Do or...NOT To Do...That is the question!

In honor of a brand new radio show beginning in Toronto tonight called:  "What The Women Want" I felt it fitting to dedicate this blog to it.  The topic of the evening:  "First Dates"

We've all been there.  The infamous "first date".  For some of us "lucky folk" more than once.  It's an exciting time but it can also be quite nerve wracking as well. 

Personally, I think that men and women place way too much pressure on themselves, trying to make sure that it goes off without a hitch.  It's natural to be nervous before your first date with a new belle/beau.  After all, the reason there is going to be one is because you really like this person, so you want to make a good impression.  Unfortunately, some of us become so stressed out that we loose ourselves in the entire ordeal and forget what it should be about - being yourself and having fun!

Sometimes, I think that we`ve got it all wrong.  I've always thought that "first date concepts" should come AFTER you've known someone a bit.  Your first outing with someone should be spontaneous and fun.  So why not try this instead: 

If you're out somewhere with friends and you've spent the last half hour talking to someone that's caught your eye, leave and go have breakfast somewhere.  Or if you've been making small talk with someone as your searching for your next favourite book or food item on a shelf, go grab a Latte and get to know one another, right then and there.  I mean you know that there is some kind of attraction or connection between one another, so why waste time exchanging numbers that you will probably loose or change your mind about by the time you get home.  Just do it now.  Have that time to connect. 

Once you've done that and gotten to know one another a little, THEN you can plan for your first "official outing" together.  This way, the pressure is completely off because you've already spent time together.  So you know what you like to talk about.  You already know what you both like to do for fun.  Where you both like to go and spend time.  There will be no need to put on a front because you will already be more than comfortable to just be "yourself"

Which ever way you choose to do it, here are some "Gia Tips" on first dates:

For The Guys:
  • Before meeting a lady for your date, stop off and pick up a small token or gesture for her.  Trust me, it's a very nice touch and she will think it's incredibly sweet.  I know, it may sound corny and a bit old-fashioned, but put in that tiny effort to show women that chivalry is NOT dead! 
Now fellas, don't get the wrong idea here.  I'm not telling you to go out and buy her a 100 ml bottle of Channel No. 5, by any means.  Simply something small, relevant perhaps to something you talked about.  I remember once telling two different men (during a conversation we had, while getting to know more about one another) that I loved scented candles and flowers. When I had my "official date" with them, they remembered my "likes" and one showed up with a candle for me.  On another occasion, the other came with one simple daisy.  See, sometimes, it just goes to show you that you don`t need to come with a dozen roses.  Sometimes, one is all you need!  I thought both gestures were incredibly sweet and more importantly, I was utterly impressed that they actually listened to what had said.

  • Dress the part for your outing. 
Guys, this means being mindful of the setting of your date.  If you're going out somewhere classy, dress for it.  There is a time and place for ripped/worn jeans and a twelve o'clock shadow, and it's not to a gala party.

  • Don't let your head turn into a "bauble head doll"
Listen guys, if you're with us, then be WITH US.  It's not only bad manners to turn and really gawk at other women when you're on a date, it's rude and hurtful as hell.  Yes, we are all human beings and there is plenty of eye-candy around town, but hey, don't do it when she's around.  It's not classy.

  • Avoid talking about yourself
It's great to be yourself on any date, but don't forget to give the other party a chance to speak.  Keep the conversation light and comfortable.

  • Make another date
If by the time you reach the end of your date, you find that you've really had a good time with this person and the vibe feels good-make another date.  Why wait! 

  • No "tongue hockey" necessary
A simple hug (and or) kiss goodnight (on the cheek) is more than enough for a first date.  You will have plenty of time for a more passionate send off in dates to come.  Besides, this is always the second most awkward time of the date, next to the first sighting, so leave it to when you're comfortable.

For The Gals:

  • Don`t be late
There is nothing more nerve wracking than someone having to wait for you or feeling that you are being rushed to get yourself ready.  Give yourself ample time to prepare.  Besides, it`s about damn time we crush that age old cliche that men have about us needing 5-hours to get ready. 

  • Make a decision
If your guy decided that he wanted to have your input on where to go on your date, when he asks you, don`t say:  ``I dunno, whatever you want to do is fine with me`` Take the opportunity to show him that you are more than capable of making a spontaneous decision.  So make it!  Suggest something fun OR something you know that he will love to do. This will set a mood for the rest of the date and it will leave him knowing that you actually paid attention to his `likes``also. 

  • Order thoughtfully
Ladies, do not go out to dinner with a man and feel the need to order the most expensive bottle of wine or food item available on the menu.  It may send a negative message to your date, not to mention a pre-conceived notion about your character.  So there is no need to order the `Lobster bisque`` or the `$260 dollar bottle of Belvedere. The $170 bottle of Rosé Moet will do just fine lol.  (just kidding, but you get my point) 
  • Chivalry works both ways
When the bill comes, at least make an attempt to reach for your purse.  Ladies, we all know that it`s more than likely you will NOT have to spring for the tab, but at least show him that you are ready and willing to offer.  It illustrates respect, character and most importantly, that you didn`t just come out for a free meal. But rather because you wanted to spend some time getting to know him.

  • Leave the past behind
Ladies, there is nothing that will kill a mood more than bringing past drama or baggage with you on your date.  So make peace with your past prior to venturing out to new horizons.  Your date doesn`t need to hear about your detailed and sorted past.  Instead, concentrate on what`s ahead rather than continuing to live in your previous relationship and bringing him along for the trip.

  • Don`t Make Him Sweat The Goodbye
When your date is over and you`ve had a nice time with him, let him know.  He`ll appreciate knowing that his efforts have gone noticed and it will make the awkwardness of planning a possible second date vanish.  Take the initiative and tell him that you`ll call him to plan something else soon, and move in for a hug.  Hey, we`re nearing 2012, isn`t it time we make the first move

Regardless of the negative reputation that dating gets on occasion, it`s a fun, exciting and happy moment in your life.  Make the most of it.  If you`re lucky you may create a memory that you can share with your kids someday.  Or, at the very least moments you can laugh about with your friends later on in life.  Either way, you`ve put yourself out there.  If it works out, fantastic.  If it doesn`t, oh well. At least you tired.  Most importantly, never lose sight of the fact that it should be fun and easy.  After all, if it`s neither of these things...why do it


  1. Ok these tips are all great for a good turn out. What do you suggest if you are finding a lack of interest or things you don't like in the other person? How do you end it politely? I've had friends offer a "Rescue" phone call. It's probably better than rejection, but I don't like to be mean or fake.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. I think the "bail-out call" (as I like to call it) has now been established for some time and can easily be detected. Trust me we all know that your "perfectly timed call" is fake and can very easily turn disastrous. Which then leaves a sour taste in everyone's mouth and you quickly pegged as "the mean/fake person"

      With that said how about this approach: Try to concentrate on just "being in the moment" and having a good time with who you're with. They may not be your "ideal person" for long-term dating, but it's a coffee/dinner at best, so just try to enjoy it. Be a gentleman/lady and politely finish the date.

      During your time with this person DO NOT establish any sentiments of a possible second date or "we should do this" scenario; so not to encourage them to think that you're interested in seeing them again.

      While conversing with them and learning about each other, let them know as you go along that their views, lifestyle, and opinions are quite different than your own. Again, be kind about it as diplomacy and respect are key. If done correctly, this will give the individual direct signals that "wow, we are really different" You may even be pleasantly surprised, when they tell you that "you aren't for them". Trust me, I've seen it happen.

      When the date is over (do allow a reasonable amount of time to spend on the date itself-depending on what you're doing)thank them for spending time with you/coming out to meet you. If all else has failed and their interest to continue seeing you is evident then politely let them know that although you had a nice time you are not compatible with one another. DO NOT allow the other to believe that "all went well here and that there's a love connection" when there isn't. And for the love of God, do not lead them on to believe that you will be calling them if you don't plan to. There is nothing more cruel or fake than that!

      Hope this helps!

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