VISION 2020

I am absolutely convinced that 2020 is going to be the year of transition, transformation, and awakening for many of us.  However, a lot of it is going to take some real talk and realizations.

Change is never easy, no matter what it is.  But, wouldn't you rather be Happy & Healthy than staying in a situation or environment, relationship or a job that does the opposite

Familiar, Fear, Safety and Comfortable:  All words that will get you killed in this lifetime - starting from your brain, then your heart and eventually your body.

Nothing worth having comes easy.  New horizons are definitely scary as shit but the alternative, in my opinion, is much worse.  Living a controlled, mundane life, immersed in a daily 9-5, where the work culture is toxic, negative and feeds on keeping good people with real potential down, should never interest you - No matter how big the paycheque is.

Its time to change your psychology.  Its time to really discover your dreams and not be afraid to go after them.  If you don't have a dream or know your purpose, then spend some time thinking about what honestly and truly makes you smile.  You may be surprised at the list you can form.  

Get real quiet with yourself and think, really think about what kind of legacy you want to leave behind, what kind of role model you want to be for your kids.  What will make you nod to yourself in satisfaction on your death bed - knowing you left nothing behind that you regret and no dreams un-explored.
  
Its time to get serious about what truly ignites you!

LIVING ON BORROWED TIME

Strange how life works.  

When you're young, all you feel is invincible.  Time is limitless.  So, it doesn't matter what you get to (or don't), how many times you screw up, if you show up or break your word because there is always time to change things, make things right or take a different path.   

Then, you get older and everything changes.  Time becomes the one thing you obsess over because you can't get enough of it.  The day you are finally hit with the realization that time is limited and that you may not get to do everything you want (or need to ) before the last curtain call - becomes one of the worst days of your entire existence. 

You want to make the most of the time you have, however long or short it may be.  Regardless of the length of time in front of you, the last thing you ever want is to be laying on your death bed, full of regrets.   Yet ironically, it is only when near death (or faced with it) that we truly see the real picture and just how precious time actually is.  

As I sat in the back of a small viewing chapel this past weekend, saying goodbye to a dear friend who died on New Year's Eve, I was suddenly struck with this sense of urgency to accomplish my goals.  I thought about all the things I want to do, see.  How much I want to fall in love again.  See different parts of the earth and make a real contribution in this world - through a legacy that I can leave behind when I'm gone.  My heart began to race as I watched him, laid to rest.  All the things he wouldn't get to do and if I am being honest, all the things he should have done too.  

As I watched friends, family, and acquaintances line up in a single-file line, waiting their turn to pay their last respects, it made me think about what kind of legacy I will leave behind.  What message about the person I was, do I want to leave people with.  It became more evident to me, sitting there, what I have always believed to be true:  I don't ever wish to be the richest person in the cemetery.  I wish to be the poorest one.  When I stand before God, I wish to be all used up of all the gifts he gave me.  I want to have shared all of myself with the world.  What I want is to be the person who touched everyone.  The person who changed everyone's life for the better - because I lived.   I want there to be a line around the block, of people waiting to see me off.  To speak well of the person I was, sharing fond memories of all we did together.  

I don't have much time here.  Maybe that's true, maybe it's not - who knows.  Regardless of which one it is, I need to stop obsessing over it and put things into some real perspective - fast! The important thing is that I woke up in that little chapel.  Funny...  My friend had to die so that I could be sent the message to start living.  

My eternal love and respect, forever Franco.  Although you are gone, you live on, in and around the hearts of all those who adored you.  And from the looks of what I witnessed - they were many.

REAL TALK 2020

As 2019 ended, I laid to rest giving others the permission and the right to tell me what to do or to validate their poor opinions of whom I should be.  

For 45 years, I feel as though I have allowed my family, friends, partners, colleagues, bosses and even strangers, dictate how I have felt about myself.  Words, emotions, and feelings that manifested into something worse inside my own head, inside my heart.  It gave birth to a lot of self-doubt, unworthiness, self-hate, depression, and feelings of being unloveable.   The voices and noise in your own head can be maddening but, the noise put there by others - catastrophic!

Now, don't get it twisted.  I and I alone am responsible for what I let into my head and heart.  I own that shit.  The choices I have made, the voices I have listened to - all my own fault.  I wasn't strong enough to drown out the bullshit of others, nor was I brave enough to allow myself the chance or courage to kill the demons in my own mind.  I was afraid.  I have always been afraid.  

But, as sure as I am sitting here, writing this, pouring my heart out - ITS OVER!  This insanity stops right here, right now!

No one has the right to make anyone else feel unbalanced or unworthy in life or of who they are within it.  No one has the right to make someone feel less than or that who they are isn't good enough.  That their dreams aren't valid, making you feel as though you always fall short of their respect or expectations.  

I vow that 2020 will be different.  A new mantra starts now.  I begin a new hustle, a higher vibration, a new love for and with myself.

So, if you don't hear or see me much in 2020, it means that I chose ME over YOU - finally.  It means that MY VOICE is the only one that matters, not yours.  It means that I have chosen to be around those who fill me with positivity over negativity.  My belief in my self, out-weighing your constant disbelief in who I am or can become.  

And to some of you, others that I, unfortunately, cannot drown out of my life, because they are blood well, you will only get the cordial me - which will be nowhere near the core or heart of me.   
I appreciate you and unconditionally love you (of course), but FUCK YOU TOO!

The Prologue to 46

Tomorrow, December 15th, I turn 46 years old.  

Usually, a very scary thought.  Yet today, I feel oddly at peace with both myself and my place in the world.  For the very first time in a very long time, I feel as though I have a purpose, direction.  

I spent the entire day meditating.  Yes, that's right, you heard me correctly - meditating the ENTIRE day!

The things I concentrated on were quite simple:

• Giving thanks to God for all my blessings, new found strength and belief in myself
• Channeling all I've accomplished in 2019 and taking time to live right here, in this moment and appreciate it all
• Visualizing where I'm headed in 2020 and what I have to do to get there
• What more I can do to give back to my community and within society in general
• All the lives I want to impact, simply by working my talents and God-given gifts in the coming year
• Asking for the courage and strength to do all I can to improve my entire temple (body, mind, and soul)
• Making a mental list of all those who doubt me, ridicule me and mock my belief that I can be anything significant in this life and channel it into a positive rage that I can call upon to keep myself motivated, focused and driven on my goals.  Knowing that one day, God will give them front row seats to the show
• How truly humbled and grateful I am to have influencers such as Gary Vee, Tony Robbins, and Tom Bilyeu in my ear and thoughts, every single day.  Giving thanks to them because they've given me much direction, clarity and positive light in this crazy world that we live in

The time has come to hustle.  

Happy (almost) Birthday to me

THE DEPRESSION RABBIT HOLE

When you come out of the grips of a depressional episode, there is an incredible relief.  Not one you feel allowed to celebrate.  Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again.  Not to mention the amount of shame and vulnerability you feel, when you see how your illness affected your family, friends and your job.  It feels as though life left everything untouched while you struggled to survive but in reality - nothing is the same.  

We come back to life, thinner, pale and weak but, as a survivor.  Survivors who don't get pats on the back from loved ones or coworkers who congratulate them on making it.  Survivors who wake to more work to catch up on and more ridicule by others for the time they missed why batteling.  At times, these stigmas can make you just spiral right back down the rabbit hole of despair because no one on earth gets what you're going through.  There is also a certain level of guilt when you resurface, I find.  Answering questions or apologizing to family and friends because they too are utterly exhausted from helping you fight a battle that they don't even truly understand themselves.  

Every day that I wake up, my wish is a simple one.  That, I get up feeling calm and at peace, rather than the anxiety and fear that wait for me to open my eyes.  Or some sort of sign that the world is changing and that people are actually beginning to understand the battles that are fought each day in secret.  Each time I try to believe that there is hope out there and that people are becoming more compassionate and aware.  Then, some idiot says something stupid about mental illness and I die a little more inside.  Knowing that perhaps my truth is real.  The truth that the world will never really change, that there will always be laughter and ridicule surrounding mental health - solidifying the fact that I am not like them because I cannot fight my battles as easily as they do.  

Sometimes monsters are invisible and sometimes demons attack you from the inside.  Just because you cannot see the claws and the teeth, doesn't mean they aren't ripping through you.  Pain does not need to be seen to be felt.  Telling me to breathe, relax and that I'm selfish, doesn't mean that there isn't a problem.  It means we have a bigger problem than you know. 

45

It's that time of year again, where I get older.  Turning 45 yesterday was very bitter sweet.  In fact, it was down right depressing.  In one instance, I'm grateful to God that he's blessed me to make it to 45, as tragically others don't.  But, I couldn't help feeling terrible in another.  There seemed to be a constant list forming in my mind of ALL the things I haven't done and don't have.  Do I have regrets?  Hell Yes!  Am I proud of all the fiery, ashy holes that I've been able to rise from? Absofuckinlutely!  But for some reason, I felt the most alone that I have ever felt. A strange feeling really, because I have so many people in my life who care about and love me.  But isn't that the rub? How you can feel utterly alone, even then.

Last year at 44, I was more excited about what was to come than I am today.  

This year, I'm just feeling unsettled of my surroundings and all the scary things that can happen in the blink of an eye.  But, God has been really good at getting my inner voice to remind me - so can the good things.  What made it worse, all the loving, adorable, sweet people in my life (those who actually remembered it was my birthday, that is), trying to reassure me of all my blessings, of how life could be worse, that we all have regrets and to stay positive.  I know this already and I love you for the encouragement but, if I hear this one more time - I'm going to scream!!!

I know that Instagram is made for positive, inspirational people, filled with perfectly, flawless pictures and everyone living their spectacularly grand lives but today, I give you reality.  I too could sit here and tell you all of that but I'm just not feeling it right now.  So instead of pretending, I'm being truthful.  We all feel this way from time to time and it's OK to voice it.  It isn't weird or shameful to do so.  Nor should it be embarrassing to lay it all out there on line.  It just means we're human beings, not afraid of some "real talk".

So, I'm telling you all (strangers and friends alike) that I'm scared.

I'm scared of not knowing if I will have enough time to fulfill my dreams.  Scared of not touching enough people's lives with my writing or my presence in their life, before my is over.  I'm scared of the absence of time.  Of not knowing just how long those I love and cherish will be here with me.  I'm so scared of thinking about how I'm ever going to make it through my life without the constant, unconditional, unwavering love of my Mom and Dad. I'm scared of how long I have, until another big anxiety attack rears it's ugly head and takes away some days, months away from me again and shatters any courage I've managed to build up in my reserves.  I'm scared of all the real things that we're scared of as we age.  

This is my truth today, as it was yesterday.  But, I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be brighter and that I am blessed to have a great year, changing / touching peoples lives.  

Here's to happy, meaningful tomorrows for us all....

  

INTERNAL FIRE

We all want to change ourselves, especially during this time of year.  But, I think that too many of us have got it all wrong.  I know I did for such a long time.  We have this thing as human beings about being stuck on the outside.  That if we change all the things that we can see that it will somehow manifest into something internal.

So, we set out and try to change our bodies, our jobs, our hobbies, relationships, and perhaps even our families to feel something different.  But, it doesn't happen.  Change doesn't work that way.

True transformation can only come from the inside.  So step up, raise your standards and discover what you're capable of.  Feel that incredible power of whatever is pushing you back and get to the other side of your true self.  If you don't start doing this, I mean really tapping into your energy from deep within yourself, then this year will be like every other before it.

Resolutions are just words.  But, fire from within is the only thing that can burn you enough to ignite you.  Make things a MUST in your life.  Only then will things happen.

THIS.. is what I've learned in 2017.

DRUGS - NOT ALWAYS THE ANSWER TO MENTAL ILLNESS

Let me begin this post by saying that I realize that the topic I am about to discuss in this post is a very controversial and sensitive one. I fully respect everyone's opinions and decisions on it, and in turn would like mine honored in the same way. This is how I feel about the subject and should not reflect anyone that I am affiliated with in any way. I just don't wish to stay quiet/dormant on the subject any longer.

When the article below was published in Huffington Post, about the tragic end to the incredible life of Chris Cornell, I stood up on my bed with tears in my eyes, screaming "YES". Suffering from anxiety myself for most of my adult life, I have always refused medication to be my savior. I have known MANY people who felt that they had no other recourse than to "give in" to medication, shall we say - but most of their opinions were cuddled and derived by what a physician or pharmaceutical company told them to believe. "It will allow you a better quality of life". And who wouldn't jump at the chance to be/feel normal when you live with what we who suffer live with? Mental illness is only ridiculed or often joked about by those who have never been touched by it. Because I promise you, if you suffered from it - the last thing you're doing is laughing about it or fluffing it off as something that's just "all in our head".

When you medicate yourself from mental illness, how can you ever really be sure of the long-term effects? Doctors are not Gods and pharmaceutical companies aren't poor. These are facts. When you take this type of assistance, you are ultimately altering your mental chemistry forever. There is no coming back from that. The side effects are drastic and for some - fatal. But again, what chance do those of us have, suffering from mental illness? Without medication (for some) on your darkest day, suicide is a welcomed thought or relief. We do go through this ill-voluntary dialog in our brain - true. But, what they don't tell you, is that you are equally susceptible to suicidal thoughts or tenancies with drugs also. What's scarier is that you may not even know/understand what is happening mentally which may cause you to do something drastic, and not even be fully conscious of it.

I don't claim to have all the answers. If I did, I would be happy and at peace - every day. Sadly, that's hardly the case. My mental state is something I MUST work at each day of my life. I am one of the lucky ones that have found a medical team of professionals that aren't drug pushers. They believe in organic, holistic approaches to my anxiety, and I am so very grateful for that. We've discussed medication in a general sense, so that I am aware of all my options, but even they have strongly advised against it. My therapist introduced me to different types of meditation and yoga practices and I have also learned how paramount diet, exercise and sleep patterns are. This has been my religion, my faith when it comes to dealing with my mental illness - and I speak about it openly and honestly to everyone who has ever come to me for advice. Some have called me inspirational, but I'm just trying to live a normal life. You may wake up in the morning and wonder about what clothes you're going to wear, what route to take to work, what extra-circular activities your kids have today. Me, I wake up and wonder how long do I have until the demon appears. It's how it's always been, and how it will sadly always be. For mental illness never goes away, it's just curbed in ways we try to deal with it.

All I'm saying is this: Educate yourself and try forming the best answers for your life and situation. Before trying medicine try other natural things first. It may work, it may not, but you'll never know until you open yourself up to options. Don't let medical practitioners or big conglomerates like pharmaceutical companies brainwash you. Someday, perhaps the natural options may cease working. I pray that day never comes. If it does, at least I know that I have people around me who care enough to further educate me and have my best interest at heart. I know that I have done all the research I could to make the best informed decision I can. How about you?

WORDS WITHOUT A FACE

Photo Credit:  Imperial Uhlans - Juha Arvid Helminen - Depiction of a Dark Army 

My words don't need a face; they are felt not seen.
At times they give comfort like the sun, and in another breath- as cold as the winter wind.

There are days where my expressions will consume your world, and others where they don't exist in it at all.

The way they make you feel may bring a name to mind.  Calling them love one day, and hatred the next.  But know that they may have meant neither to me.  

At times, my pen makes a fool of me, writing down words that my mind may not see, but ones that my heart mumbles in agony.

But you take them at face value, never questioning their worth.  Assuming that the words are written as how they appear to be, never examining them closely for flaws or untruths.  They mean what they mean to you, and so it shall always be.  

My words don't need a face, but know that one exists. For behind all written things lies a thought, a presence and a feeling unseen.

LOVE. TIME. DEATH.

I believe that looking to the universe for answers about your life, is common this time of year.  We believe in the magical sense that Christmas brings along with it and carry much hope for a brighter, happier new year.  I am definitely one of those cosmo seekers and as a writer, I am always finding new things to inspire or ignite me.  Words that will somehow propel me into the new year with hope.

Yesterday, I stumbled across a new movie called:  Collateral Beauty.  Making it in theaters, just in time for Christmas, this film is suppose to give you a different spin on how one should look at life.  With that message and an award winning cast like:  Will Smith, Edward Norton, Kate Winslet, Helen Mirren, Keira Knightley and others, I was overjoyed.  I went alone, which was not my initial intention.  Yet somehow, it was meant to be that way.

The film had a basic message:   That as human beings, we are all here on earth to connect.  For each of us there must be a "Why Factor" as to what we are doing here.  Only, most of us don't tap into that energy.  If we don't we aimlessly go through life, merely existing.  So how do we mesh?  Easy.  We connect with Love, Time and Death.  Now these three things connect every single human being on earth.  Think about it, and you will realize that it's true.  We all long for love, we all wish we had more time and we all fear death."

Throughout the film there were many different story lines, surrounding the main one - all encompassing this main theory.  Naturally, it got me thinking about my own life.

Love.  As far back as I can remember, I was obsessed with finding it.  That higher connection with another human being that spoke to me and warmed my every thought, desire and reason for existence.  The only trouble there was that I never truly valued myself in that same light.  So how was I suppose to attract that exceptional feeling from someone else, if I didn't first experience that connection with myself?!  I was always in and out of relationships that never served me or fueled me, the way I had hoped.  I realized (very recently) that I needed to generate that bond with myself - and my creator.  To find the truest essence of myself and project that forward.

Time.  I always felt like it would never run out.  That it would never catch up with me - and yet it has.  I first began obsessing with time a month before my 40th birthday.  So much so that I had a mental, emotional and physical breakdown.  What many call:  A mid-life crisis.  Only, I didn't respond to it by buying a Ferrari or start dating a 20 something year old.  I was really scared.  Scared that I didn't have the things in my life that I truly wanted.  Scared that there wouldn't be enough time to get them now.  After 40, that fear only grew.

Death.  I always thought I was abnormal in this area.  I obsessed with the thought of this, long before I thought a human being should.  But, what did you expect from me?!  I lost the single most important person in my life, when I was only 12, and the love of my life when I was 19.  My world was shattered, crushed and never to be the same again - at a young age.  Death changes you.  You hear that a lot, but you can only appreciate it when it happens to you.  And time... what a cruel mistress she is.  Time doesn't heal all wounds.  What a load of shit that is.  It only separates and gives space between you and the thing that hurt you.  The devastation never disappears.  It's only less magnified by this thing.  Time.   I have thought about dying at least 5 times a day, since I was 25.  Abnormal right?!  Yet, it won't go away.  I used to think:  "Who the hell would want to live until they're 100?".  Now, I pray that I never die - because I'm afraid of it.  I'm afraid of how it will happen, who I will leave, when I will go, and will it devastate/change or alter someone else's existence - all because I left them too soon.  I'm sad that I don't have a child, to leave my legacy behind to. I think about that all the time.

This film gave me some peace.  It gave me other things to think about.  To perceive things differently.  After all, that's what a film is suppose to do, right?  It allows us to leave our own reality behind and consider other possibilities.

I left the theater thinking:  Love is all around us.  In everything we do, see, touch and feel.  It's in our happiness, as well as our sorrow.  It's the reason for everything: Wars, Religion, Weddings, Funerals and Pro-Creation.  That as human beings we should never try to live without it - because you can't.  We were not designed to live apart from love.  Time.  We all have the same hours and minutes in each day.  We have all the time in the world to do what's right - passionately!  Each day can seem like we have an eternity of time - or it can be gone in the blink of an eye.  It's all how we chose to look at it.  The time for everything is NOW!  That being a mother doesn't necessarily have to mean that a baby comes out of you - but that you have the ability to touch, nurture and shape a young person's life through all that you do.  Death is a cycle of life, as everything else.  It doesn't have to be the ending to something, but the beginning of something else.  If you choose to live a certain way, you can look at death proudly - Leaving behind something magical.

The purpose in life is to live, to experience everything.  To truly see the collateral beauty that is:  Love, Time and Death.  To know that you can change the lives of everyone you meet - even if you encounter them for only a minute.  To live while you are here, because you have all the time you need. To exist in such a way that when you are gone, life will be forever changed - all because you lived.

If you do it right, love, time and death will never change that.....

THE ARTIST - FOREVER KNOWN AS: PRINCE

It's funny how life is.  Some people leave this earth without ever making a sound, while others make thunder.  Their impact derived from how they lived their lives while they were here.  That determines how loud the noise is when they depart.

The artist known as Prince, was one of those magnificent souls, who gave you a lightening show while he was here, so naturally when he left, he left with a BANG!  He was a very important soul in my life and I'm grateful that he lived and loved music/writing as much as he did.  It's been truly hard to let go.  So, I wrote this, in hopes to help me move on:

It's only been a little while since you left, but it already feels way too long.  I haven't had the words to express my sadness, but even if I did, they would pale in compassion to the light that shined so brightly in all that you were.  We all mourn in our own way, and take from a life something to carry forward in our own.  From yours I take with me many, many lessons:  To always believe in God, putting him first in thanks of my gifts and talents, to write every single day, no matter how loud or crazy my thoughts and melodies are, to always be humble and give of myself quietly, to be unmistakably raw, flamboyant and alive in all that I do, and no matter what, to be un-apologetically me- always!

Thank-you, for the incredible life you lived.  Thank-you, for the beautiful, hot, sexy and flavorful music you wrote.  Thank-you for the incredible musician you were, and for never wavering in your ideals, beliefs and thoughts of how a life is meant to be lived - Upfront and In Colour!

I will love you, always, until the day I leave this earth.  Maybe someday, we can play guitar, tickle piano keys and sing together in our own after-world jam session.  For the rest of this life (as you once said) "I'm on my own" and dammit, do I plan to get real crazy!!!  Sleep tight, and electrify the heavens, as only you can, my dearest Prince.  Until then, beautiful one... 

R. I. P. 

Song About A Girl ...

All her life all she's seen
Are the meanest, hurtful things.
That took away her faith of dreams and beautiful things.
She told herself that it would always be like this.  That dreams were only for the lucky and the strong.

Now she's older and her wounds have made her stronger than you know.
Where once pain lived,
A heart of steel began to grow.

All her life she was told
She'd be nothing when she grew older.
That's what her fear told her.

All she felt of life were the kicks and all the blows,
But she vowed that someday, the world would know her name,
And in time all the bruises life gave her wouldn't feel the same.

When you've been fighting for your dreams all your life,
When you've been struggling day and night, to make things right,
When fear turns into fire and tears turn into will,
That's what turns a sad, little girl you once knew into a superhero.

And her fear will now drive her, 
Instead of keeping her still.
Making wings out of pain,
Where she will someday fly high, again.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE!

The amount of hatred I've read and seen over the past few days, after Friday's horrific tragedy has been astounding. I get that it stems from fear but there are simply no excuses for behaving this way.  I realize that the world is in pain but that does not give anyone the right to play God or Government and try to bring justice to any crime. Racism and hate is universal. When does it stop? Where do we draw the line?  If we don't set the right examples soon, we may never be saved.

It is all very hypocritical.  You can see the spreading of posts of love and sympathy in one regard, and hate for a race in another.  So which is it?  You are either PRO-HUMANITY or you’re not!  For violence or not!  It’s either, or but you cannot take both sides.  You cannot bring the world back from tragedy by beating up a woman, picking up her 2-young children from school, kicking her in the stomach and punching her in the face, screaming at her to go back to her country, calling her a terrorist; just because she's Muslim - as was the case at a school in Don Mills, Ontario, yesterday.

I honestly don’t know what is happening to our world but, I truly hurt for the human race right now.

And to think, our young children have to stay and live in a world that WE ourselves leave them in. We all better start leading by better example soon - or they are all surely doomed!

Mahatma Gandhi once said:  “Be the change you wish to see in the world”.  I think it’s about time we all take a page out of this same book and make some changes.  Changes that begin with us first.

WAR OF THE WORLD

 

 

 Feeling the united gasps of shock and terror across the world when crimes against humanity happen are a natural state of being but, why must it take such horrific tragedies to spread concern and desperate need for peace in our lands?!  How many more of our vibrant cities, filled with life and light must be silenced with explosions and darkness?!  Or yet, why aren’t all the cities of the world allowed love, excitement and peace in the same reflection?

Until we are all equal to live in freedom the same way, there will be no peace.  War and terrorism will become a norm in our world and all human beings in every city will enter into a “surreal and horrifying world of senseless violence” – until the end of time. 

Unless, by some miracle, we decide that our world is worth saving, and our lives are priceless!  Not just “our lives” but the lives of ALL those who live.   

To all those who's lives have been silenced by war and terrorism (which should be all of us) - May we find hope and give birth to new ways of finding peace.

To all those who are filled with so much rage and pain, because of their lack of choice, freedom and democracies - May you have the courage to seek out knowledge and love, rather than revenge and darkness.   

To all of us - May we someday truly comprehend that ALL lives are precious and equal - no matter where we live, what color our skin is or what God(s) we pray to.  This, above all else, is what I pray for -everyday!

LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD!

 
I openly admit that I don't know the first thing about dating in today's world. 

Being out of the "dating scene" for the past little while, I feel like A LOT has changed.  I'm completely and utterly dumb-founded at the lack of "love and relationship" opportunities out there.    Do they even exist anymore?  I feel like trying to find love these days is like entering the twilight zone.  It's become a war out there:  The Heart Givers vs. The Heart Killers.

A month before I turned 40 (as anyone who has turned can attest to), I began thinking about all the things I didn't have in my life.  Love was definitely at the top of that list.  But oddly enough, I never found myself without a man present  There have always been "boyfriend place-holders" Yet still, no real love to speak of.  I realized at that moment that I was afraid to be alone.  It's something that I've always feared.  My biggest fear, actually.  Which is probably why I've jumped in and out of relationships (and I use the term loosely) all my life.  Because the fear of being alone was just too much to stand.  Something I think a lot of people out there go through.  So we settle.  Funny how fear can play with you like that.  So for the next 2-years, I was going to learn how to be "okay" with being alone. 

Well, here I am, 2-years later - alone!  But, I've learned and realized A LOT during this time.  I think there are 2 very important lessons that we should all learn (unlike myself) very early on in life to survive: 

The first thing would have to be self-love.  I know, cliche right?  How did something so simple escape me, I will never know.  I lost out in loving the essence of me a very long time ago.  But, happy to report that it's something that I practice every day now.  I'm grateful for all the beauties I have.  Beauties both seen and unseen. 

The second thing would be that everyone should know what it feels like to be "okay" with being alone.  It teaches you so much.  Your awareness of everything heightens.  I never could have imagined how strong I could be, all by myself, until I forced myself to try.  You condition yourself to be a solider and your life is a war to be won. No one can own the definition of you.  The power of one is so magical.  I never would have guessed it to be so. 

So now that I have bettered myself on all playing fields, become this strong entity all on my own, I'm ready!  Ready to find that kind of love I've always deserved and known to be out there.  The only thing is - I think everyone else is on a different turf.  

Is it me, or is no one actively seeking a relationship these days?  It seems like the word itself has become an enigma.  The dating pool has been filled with married people "looking for the extra", the single people only seeking "casual dates, filled with a lot of sex and multiple partners, but want nothing serious" and my personal favorite:  "20 something year olds, that wish to be your "Boy-toys" while you look for the love of your life"  It's really tragic out there.  Especially for all of us "hopeless romantics" out there.  All 10 of us, tops!

I hate to say this but LOVE as we once knew it, is DEAD!  At least that's what I'm being made to believe.  Trying to stay hopeful in a sea of all this nonsense is really tough.  I want to be wrong in my assumption but it doesn't look good.  Especially with things like:  Social media and online dating sights.  I'm personally afraid for my heart out there, in today's world.  The odds don't look favorable. 

Would love to hear your thoughts on this one.

Thanks for always listening!

We Are People, NOT Labels!

You know, I walk around in this world of ours and it just astounds me how arrogant people sound when speaking about each other. The fact that it's nearly 2016 and I still hear people being referred to/ described as:   "Black, White, Cuban, Asian, etc. (and their “slang” counterparts)  is utterly ridiculous.  Sadly, it doesn't even stop there.  Aside from using racist remarks, we have now seemed to become a society that marks people according to their weight, religion and sexual preferences too.  It’s gone on long enough!  We are not a “stupid society” and yet we act like it, every chance we get.  No matter where you turn,  It seems that we are all "Labeled" something, instead of just simply calling ourselves "human" instead.  

I read a Face Book post the other day from a dear friend who has a beautiful little boy, that happens to be a wonderful mix of Italian and African-American origins.  Sadly, it seems that he is already feeling the cold grips of racism, after another little boy in his class refused to stand next to him because his "hair" was/looked different than his own.  Insanely sad!  It broke my heart to read such a thing. Now, I get that children are innocent and will simply comment on what they see but, it's up to parents, families and teachers to nail this as early on in their young lives as possible- that we are all the same. One human race. One love. Period!   We are not born racist or sexist- we are taught to be. It's a fact.

Now, I know that I’m going to feel the heat of this blog from parents everywhere, but so be it.  I think we have all tip-toed around this subject for far too long and I am personally done!  I am holding adults everywhere, responsible. 

No, we cannot be with our children at all time and yes, what they hear/pick up at school cannot be made to be the parents fault.  OK.  But I ask you this:  Where do the children from the playground, class room, daycare, neighborhood or party get these labels from?  That’ s right, from you – the adult.  Where did we get it from?  From the adults we were around.  It breeds itself into oblivion, don’t you see?!  So we have to all hold ourselves accountable for the terms we use and actions we make.  It’s that simple. 

It stems from a lot of different sources, I understand.  The TV shows, music and gaming kids are exposed to these days is crazy and it’s hard to be there, every waking moment to flag this kind of messaging and that’s fine, but we've got to try harder.  Something as simple as how you speak to your spouse/partner in the household is a great start.  Children pick up EVERYTHING.  And sponges don’t just soak up all the clean stuff, they mop up and absorb all the dirty stuff too.  As long as you embed the basics into your children that’s all you can do!  Education, mannerism and humility start in the home.  And don't wait for situations to arise, make this a daily, weekly and monthly conversation.  Teach those around you about people, ethnicity, etc. All you can do is enable your child with the proper tools and let them go out into the world – hoping they make the right decisions and choices as human beings. 

I have nieces and nephews myself and as they grow there are always instances where they will make comments about weight, race, creed or color.  They are at an age where their minds are so keen on the differences they see.  So naturally, they become inquisitive.  It bothers me endlessly when I hear certain things come out of their mouth.  It literally hurts my heart.  In the past, I've shy’ d away from saying anything, saying to myself:  “Oh they are just children Gia, they don’t know any better.  It means no harm.”  But, it does and they should be aware of it.  I don’t ever want them to go out into the world to bully or be bullied to/by others for being different – so I will help teach and shape them in that way because it’s my responsibility to do so.  If I don’t and just ignore it if/when it ever comes up, than I am just doing a dis-service to them and the world.   

Take a moment to watch this incredible video and truly pay attention to the message. After all, change starts with us.  So, we must “be the change we wish to see in the world” – and today, I am starting with all of you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0qD2K2RWkc&sns=em

In the words of Bono … “One love, One blood, One life.  You got to do what you should.  One life, with each other.  Sisters. Brothers.  One life, but we’re not the same.  We've got to carry each other.”

I really hope this blog has touched / ignited something in all those who read it.  Bad or good, I’d like to hear from all of you.  Your comments are always welcome.

The Lady Behind The Words

The Biography of Gia 

She was born, Lucia Giardulli in Toronto, Canada, during the winter of 1973.  Raised in an Italian household, music was very much a part of everyday life – and still is.  Her artistic and creative nature became quite evident at a very early age.  Her first foray into the art of music and writing came when she started singing and song-writing at age 9.  It wasn't long after, that her interests in various musical instruments began.  After dabbling for some time in accordion, piano, flute and guitar lessons, she was asked to audition for a local Italian folk band – as lead vocalist.  It was there that she got her first taste of singing on stage for an audience.

By the age of 18, she was already in her second band.  Here, the members were both determined and focused to work on their own material (rather than covers), which allowed the young singer the opportunity to further explore her passion for song-writing. Along with creating original pieces, the band decided to change their individual names, to further their artistic nature - thus giving birth to the artist now known as Gia.  After collaborating with different writers and musicians over a number of years, it became clear that her love for creating words outweighed her desire to perform. It was here that Gia decided to leave the stage behind and concentrate on writing instead.  “Singing will always be my first love but, I want to create words that will move nations – over and over again.”   

Over the next 10 years, Gia went forward, becoming a published writer and assisting different areas of government and non-profit organizations with writing and communication pieces. She became a voice of inspiration and coached many different individuals in all facets of life. 

Although her passion for words grew, the love she had for music was a constant.  In 2013, she began a blog called:  LIFE AFX, where she wrote many different pieces about life.  Among them were posts showcasing some amazing talents in the city of Toronto.  Soon the itch of getting back into the music scene would need to be relieved.  2-years later, INKSTANE would be born.  In August of 2015, Gia became the creator and founder of her very first company -  INKSTANE Corporation. 

“This new venture creates a bridge between writing, music and other artistic talents.  The idea is to scout, manage and brand new and independent Canadian artists and introduce them to the world.  It’s not just about “finding an artist” it’s more about giving them the tools to become a multi-faceted artist – in their own right.  We want to showcase the individual as a brand, not just another artist- and that takes a great deal of coaching, mentoring and management.  If you believe in your talent then contact us. Developing your artistic vision is what we do. We will work with you to integrate your inspiration and creativity, to result in a recognizable vision of your art. Together, we will find and market your element of artistic style, with creative ideas and collaborations that will give you optimal success.”

For more information please visit: www.inkstane.com – all social media/blog links available here

For artists who are interested in working with Gia and INKSTANE Corporations please contact us at:  faq@inkstane.com 

INKSTANE BUTTERFLY

As of late, there have been many of you writing to me and asking about my website.  I suppose you have been picking up on the subtle hints and changes that have been occurring along the way.  So I thought it was time to come clean.


Over the past few months, I have been phasing out what you've all come to know as:  LIFE AFX.
It's been a bitter sweet journey to say the least.  LIFE AFX  has been such an incredible part of my life for so long, that it wasn't an easy decision to make. But make it, I did.  So much of me has changed over the past 2-years.  I feel like I've shed old skin and a new me has awakened.  So, you could say that my professional path also had to follow suit.

LIFE AFX was the brave little caterpillar that started it all, and now a new life form will soon take its' place.  The time has come to "refresh my brand identity"  The new identity is all about expressing the creativity, diversity and personality of who I've become over the past little while.  It's more representative of who I am today.  But this time, it won't just be me - but an entire management team.

It gives me great pleasure to introduce you all to:  INKSTANE. 

INKSTANE (pronounced like "ink stain" ) is what happens when the worlds of writing and music collide. It will incorporate a management/mentoring style to all its' artists.  The team will creatively showcase, mentor, promote and expose new and upcoming artists to the world. The company will represent and feature different artists (musicians and writers), in different events all over Canada. 

The team is currently putting some finishing touches on our brand new website and social media pages - and it will be live for the public, very soon.   

Looking very forward to having you all along for the new journey.  I know you will love this new brand as much as I do.

Thank you all so much for all your love and support.  What I'm trying to accomplish truly would be nothing without my fans.

BE TRUE TO YOUR DREAMS - FOLLOW THEM!

There are 2-types of people in this world.  Those who just dream about what they want and those who dream and do whatever it takes to make them come true. 

Life is both too long and too short to live the "day to day grind", doing the same mundane thing that makes you miserable.  As human beings, thriving and growing toward what makes us feel alive is paramount to living an extraordinary life.  Anthony Robbins taught me that a long time ago, and the moment I heard it come out of his mouth, it became religion.

In a conversation with the astounding author of:  The Book Of Negros, Lawrence Hill communicated that one of the worst things you could ever tell a parent is that you're an Artist.  We chuckled for a brief moment but, my laughter termed somber quickly, remembering painfully how true that statement actually was.

When you're an artist of any kind, it takes a lot of effort for anyone to take you seriously or to believe in your craft. If you're not one of the fortunate ones to have good, positive and encouraging people on your side, this world will crush you quickly.  I know this could be said of anything one chooses to do but, I find it abundantly true in my industry.

I've had more than my fair share of negativity and insecurities pushed upon me by people throughout my years. Sadly, it's one of the main reasons I gave up singing.  The stage was once a place I felt at home.  A setting that made me most happy - until it didn't.  "Fear will beat you down to your knees and will keep you there permanently if you let it." ( a quote from the great Sylvester Stallone, that is always on repeat in my brain) Fear definitely won that battle but, it lead me to a deeper love and appreciation for music on a whole other level.  It was then that I actually found writing. 
Some people are lucky enough to find ONE love in life but, I was fortunate enough to find TWO:  Music and Writing.  A marriage that has always worked for me.

Being a Writer is very difficult at times- especially for the vulnerable souls.  It leaves you very open on a daily.  But, as one of my editors once said:  "If you're going to survive in this business, you're going to have to check your ego at the door - along with your fear"  and she was right!  Letting go of my fears of "acceptance" is not something I've mastered in this life just yet, but it's something that I work at every day.  It's all a work in progress.

All of that said, I just really wanted to take time out to thank all those people who have come in and out of my life and helped my dream along the way.  Yes, there have been MANY people who have tried to discourage and kill my ambitions since the beginning but, it's truly amazing to know that the "good people" outweigh the bad ones. 

Although, there are countless names to mention in my pursuit of happiness, I truly MUST take time out to mention 3 individuals in particular. 

To Alessandro Stillo:  A man that I've had the distinct honor and pleasure of knowing for over 11 years.  (Thank you so much for your belief in my writing.)  It must be said that this person took 2-years out of his life and made sure that I had a good shot at pursuing my dreams.  He created my very first web-page and fan base for LIFE AFX.  He not only created it from scratch but, monitored, made daily changes to and ran it all on his own - FOR FREE!  If any of you out there have a web-designer or web-master you know what the bills are for such things.  But, this remarkable soul did it all for nothing, simply because he believed that the world should know me.  That my words should have life.  There are no words for that kind of loyalty.  I am sure that on many occasions I did not deserve all that he did for me, but I am truly thankful that he stuck by me.  His trust and love for me has always meant the world.  I could never repay him for all that he has done for me.  I hope that he someday can witness what he helped me start and know that none of this would have been remotely possible without him.  No matter where life leads him, he will undoubtedly be a great success.  He is a truly gifted mind.  I will always be grateful for his commitment and friendship, and pray that I never lose it.   
If any of you find yourself in a position of needing a Creative Director - he is your man in spades.  Visit him at:  www.alessandrostillo.com

To Giuseppe De Cicco:  Another extraordinary man in his own right.  He barely knew me and was convinced that I was a star.  The endless amount of times that he worked his magic (without my knowledge), to surprise me with career opportunities, still rocks me to my very core.  He made me believe in myself at a time when I truly didn't.  There were endless days and nights that he spend time mentoring and molding me to go after what he knew that I deserved.  Giuseppe took my social media fan base to another level and the contacts that I have made in the industry because of him; are nothing less than remarkable. I thank him for his time, trust, belief and friendship. I'm not sure what he saw in this girl a few years back, but I can honestly say that I am all the richer for it.  With all the amazing things this man has given me, I cannot even begin to share my gratitude for bringing this next person into my life.

To Ms. Alessandra Piccolo:  A magical woman, who was introduced to me by Giuseppe De Cicco.  The very first time we spoke was via e-mail.  A few years back, she wrote to tell me that she had read a number of different writing pieces I had showcased, and how much she loved my words.  I had no way of knowing that the e-mail would ever turn into what it has. She is my angel on this earth.  My "social media Mother", whom I am positive that most of you have seen me refer to as "Ma".  She is just that!  A parent from another light in my world. This little spit-fire gives me love and encouragement every day of my life.  She sees me through my good days and bad days and DEMANDS that I get up and move forward.  She's never been afraid to "tell it like it is". For some reason unknown to me, she believes in me.  That I am capable of extraordinary things, and that someday everyone will know my name and the legacy that I will leave behind through words. For this (and many other reasons) she has sent me down professional roads in my career that have lead to many, great journeys.  You could say that she is my Manager.  The connections I have made, simply because she promotes me daily, is astounding.  Alessandra has traveled many journeys of her own and is a very positive, influential and involved member in society.  She gives of herself to her community, city and others - in every given moment.  She's truly taught me a lot about the person I want to become.  The kind of person that makes you better, just by being in her presence.  I can only hope to be a smudge of the woman she is, and to give of myself to others humbly as she does.  Thank you for all that you are.  Don't EVER change!

If you are ever as lucky as I am, to be blessed with the opportunity of working with any of these individuals, consider your karma great!  For you have truly stumbled across a gold mine!

Stay passionate and always true to your craft, whatever it may be. No one can or will ever have the right to define you, so don't let it happen.  Your light is your light - period!  Don't ever be afraid to share it.

THE ROAD HEAVY

 


Just wanted to give a very proud shout-out to an amazing band and bunch of people who call themselves: “The Road Heavy”

They are touring Ontario this summer and you've gotta come check out their vibe.

We at LIFE AFX have had the distinct pleasure of meeting and watching them perform last year, during their album release debut and they truly give their all to the fans. (Still cannot get over the voice on one, Jules Cardoso.  Man, what a powerhouse!)  Honestly some of the best people we've ever met.

For this and many other reasons, they are the LIFE AFX Promotional Attraction of the Month.

So, if you're in town this summer, do yourself a favor and check out:

Pat Mete, 
Jules Cardoso,
Ryan Blake, 
Andre DaSilva and 
Jeff Cox 

Together they are: THE ROAD HEAVY!

Trust me, you’ll be so glad you did.

The Road Heavy will be appearing at many different events and venues throughout the summer so be sure to check their website: www.theroadheavy.com and social media pages, for ALL their tour date listings.

*** I'm so very proud of all of you.  You all have your own talent but the dynamic that you bring to the table as a team is just amazing to see.  I truly wish you all much success.  Have a wicked summer, gang! ***