Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Are Your Lips Sealed?


I heard a radio station announcer speaking on the topic of relationships today. The main question regarding it was: If you saw someone you knew cheating on their mate, would you feel the need to go and tell the party being cheated on or not? The topic (for obvious reasons) generated a complete frenzy around it and the buzz trickled down into deeper waters, as the program continued. It got me thinking about how a topic like “cheating” has become so complacent in today’s society.

There was a time when one person having an affair or a fling on another was intolerable. These days however, more and more people seem to feel that it’s not such a big deal anymore. Are we as a society becoming “ok” with the idea of having affairs? Are men and women simply choosing to accept the fact that it happens every day and that we shouldn’t make such a big deal about it? Sadly, I think we are. The more I look around the more I can see that monogamy is truly a thing of the past for most people. It’s almost as if people are “comfortable” with the whole idea nowadays.

I must admit that I too have changed my views on the subject somewhat as well. Now please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying here. I don’t believe its right, never have and never will. However, I seem to find myself being empathetic with the circumstances that surround it all. From all that I have seen and heard I can honestly say that there seems to be a lot of neglect and disrespect between men and women who are in relationships these days.

Can we honestly judge others for their actions, especially without waking a day within their shoes? Definitely not! Yet, I think it’s incredibly sad that we as human beings give up on one another so quickly. I can appreciate the fact that a decision to cheat doesn’t happen over night. Rather it manifests itself from an overwhelming cycle of thoughts and then projects itself forth. Still, I honestly think that with some hard work it could all be avoided.

Why do people cheat?

Simply put, because they are not being fulfilled in every way they need to be, with the individual they are with. That’s it folks! There is no intricate equation or puzzle that needs to be solved – It’s that cut and dry. If we are not desired (mind, body and soul) with those we have picked to love and love us back in return, sooner or later we will go out and find another who will.

In Maslow’s theory of human needs, he explains that all human beings have a hierarchy of needs. The psychologies of these needs are illustrated in a pyramid formula, with the most fundamental of human needs being at the bottom. Sex is listed as one of the highest need a human being can have. The need for it is great. Many great minds after Maslow, not only agreed with this theory, but strongly suggests that the basic human needs must be met before any individual can desire to move on to the next level of fundamental needs.

Therefore, for the sake of conversation, why should an individual who is being denied sex by their partner not have every right to go out and fulfill that need elsewhere? Why is it ok to be mistreated and be continuously neglected by your lover, but it is not “socially acceptable” to make yourself happy? It’s all relative to a degree. Yet, once again, I don’t condone cheating at all. I think it’s unfair to all parties involved. I believe that the only way to resolve these types of issues within a relationship is through communication.

Talk about it! If you cannot come to terms with or agree upon continuing the relationship then it’s probably a good indication that it should end. Again, I do realize what I am saying here. It’s easier said than done, I get it. So I can only assume that for most, it’s easier to have a meaningless affair than it is to end a relationship. It’s easier to hurt, disrespect and lie to the one another, than it is to compromise your relationship. Does that really even make sense? In a perfect world, I suppose we can answer a big fat “HELL NO” to this question. Yet, in a shady world of grey (that we all seem to live in these days) the answer is not quite that simple!

So I pose the question again: If you saw someone you knew cheating on their mate, would you feel the need to go and tell the party being cheated on or not?

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