Tuesday, May 18, 2010


In today's society it seems that there are many more individuals who are single than those who are within relationships. We claim that the reason for this is that today we stay single longer because we search and search for our “perfect match mates” rather than just being with someone for the sake of not being alone. But are we just being way too picky in what we want and what we simply will not tolerate? Most of our “attached” friends / family members would shout “YES”!!!

So what is it that constitutes “just settling” for someone?

What for that matter is it that makes another perfect for each of us?

For many it’s the sheer fact that they are not willing to settle for anything less than what is on their “laundry list” of ideals for the opposite sex. So with this being said: I decided to randomly interview and survey both male and female genders who are currently single or “serial dating”, and asked them varied questions. The questions touched areas of: Appearances, Income, Age and Education.

For some it’s all about appearances. They must meet a certain status quo criteria in order for another to be initially interested in them whatsoever. Thanks to the media, it is quite safe to say that those of us who do not meet model standards (male and female alike) are much more likely to not date as often as those who do. If you talk to men they will be much more inclined to just "tell it like it is" when it comes to this subject than women will ever care to admit. Nevertheless, like it or not “looks” play a major role in choosing a mate. Not truly convinced? Alright, then let’s take some examples shall we:

Going back to my survey the questions asked on the subject were as follows:

· Would you ever date someone who is taller than you?

All women surveyed answered yes, as long as their male counterparts did not exceed 6 ft 3 inches, they would be open to dating them

Men, on they other hand stated different opinions.

60% of men stated that they would while 40% said that they were uncomfortable with the idea of a lady exceeding them in height. “It’s just not gonna look right that’s all” said a 25 year old single man from Toronto. “Men are suppose to be taller, that’s just how it should be”

· Would you ever date someone who was overweight or substantially thinner than you?

49% of women surveyed said they would not, while 51% said that they would have no issue with this at all. “I like my men stalky”,said a 35 year old woman from Newmarket, Ontario. While others opinions where: “I would never date a fat man, ever! I do so much to make sure that I look and feel great and having someone in my life that is not willing to do the same well…that’s not acceptable to me”, said a single Mom aged 37, from Toronto.

73% of men shared in her views, while the remaining 27% disagreed stating that they found a woman with a voluptuous figures more appealing than someone who was thin. Women also touched upon areas such as: baldness, excessive body hair and poor hygiene as other “no no’s” as well.

As for men, the majority ruled that as long as the woman had a beautiful face the rest was “workable”

Therefore, I think the numbers speak for themselves. Appearances are much more important to all of us when it comes to picking the “final mate” Perhaps more than anyone cares to admit. We can deny the obvious all we want but the fact still remains that physical attractiveness is a curial bargaining tool. Whether it is argued on a health standpoint or just simply on the grounds of “looking good” being thin and fit is an attribute that most people want in another.

While some are hung up on looks, others agree that income and education are more important when thinking about spending your life with someone.

“Having that sense of security and stability for the long term is something more tangible today than having a Fabio on your arm”: says a 27 year old single woman from Barrie.

She argued that everything physical it fades in time but a degree was for a lifetime. We can all agree that in times such as these, with our cost of living being what it is and climbing, financial stability is a somewhat scary issue for most of us. Times of the single income household are well over and today the survival rate of two income families making a mere $30,000.00 per year is questionable in terms of just getting by.

“I don’t want a girl who’s going to ride my coat tails. If these girls want a sugar daddy they can look elsewhere cuz I’m NOT adopting” said: a single 31 year old telecommunications Manager from Thornhill.

So for many, when it comes to picking a mate for the long haul, some say that they would much rather be with someone who is educated with a good paying job above all else.

Finally, we come to the long awaited topic of age.
With the incredible hype nowadays with older women dating younger men, the tables of once upon a time have sure turned in a woman’s favor. More and more woman today are not afraid to date younger men or care what others think about it. Once again, thanks to the media and celebrities alike it has now been declared “socially acceptable” for this to occur. Perhaps it’s about time and long overdue. After all men have been doing it for ages without remorse or much ridicule so why not!!! Those I surveyed and interviewed had much the same to say on the subject as well. Some men and women’s opinions naturally varied on the subject as well stating that it was just not right to date someone much older or younger. Various reasons being: having children, medical reasoning, life expectancy and maturity levels.

I suppose that we are all different on many different levels but when it comes to relationships most of us stand on common ground. That is that we are all looking for our own interpretation of perfection. Could our “attached” friends be right? Is this the very reason why we are single? It could very well be who knows. But as human beings we are who we are and stay true to our beliefs, whatever they may be. To say who is right or wrong in this argument is questionable. For how can you tell someone that what they feel or think is wrong?

Myself, I truly believe that a true union between two people is a state two beings, two minds and two souls coming together in a collaborated effort to become one. Now keep in mind that this is not a process that happens overnight, but rather one that blossoms and comes with time. As individuals we are forever growing. It is a natural state to be in. It’s a psychological perception within every living thing. If we don’t grow we die and I believe that this can also be said about men/women and how we relate to one another. Finding the right individual for you takes time and growth. Growth with yourself as an individual unit and growth within your environment.

If we cannot truly grasp and understand who we are then how can we ever come to know what we truly need in our lives to make us happy? A relationship is never an exact science. There aren’t any rule books as many would like to think, but there can be a formula for a successful one. A formula that only we can create for ourselves; because we are all uniquely created and therefore what we truly crave only we can know.

Growing up I too had succumb to lists of what I believed my perfect love would be like, look like, and act like. But only as I grew older and truly experienced different things with different people was I able to really understand what was important to me; what I needed to truly be happy. I could just sat around and wrote my "laundry list" about what I was looking for or of the qualities he should possess but thankfully I came to realize that checking things off of a list would not bring me any closer to finding that amazing love. It's about being pleasantly surprised about what my "package of love" would look like once it arrived. What wonderful qualities he would bring to my life in compliment of it. The excitement in "getting to know" someone is a feeling you cannot beat. After all, as the saying goes: "No one is perfect until somebody loves them”

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