FOR A WRITER'S HEART

With the author's permission, I am sharing a poem that was beautifully written to me.  I am so deeply moved that one of my "followers/fan" took the time to write this to me.  I truly appreciate all that it took to send it and admire your strength.  It left me completely captivated and in "awe" of it's contents. 

As a Writer, I truly appreciate the beauty of words and what it means to have the courage to share them.  I am touched and humbled by the gesture.  It means a great deal to me that I can be a muse for others to create upon.


I woke up this morning with thoughts of you
As last night I dreamt of all the joy we shared together


I would swallow the ocean to get to you……. my love
And sell the salt to buy you pearls from a gypsy near the sea


I thought of you last evening
As I walked by the lake of serenity
Then I blew a soft kiss into the warm wind for you


Hoping you would be sitting there
waiting for it to touch your lips


I walked by the lake with you in my thoughts
I then picked up a stone that I skipped across the water


Wishing that it would make it across the river to you
And watch it change into a beautiful butterfly ....landing on your white hat


I thought about you last day in the middle of the storm
And afterwards the rainbow formed a colorful painted sky


I imagined the sky to be our canvas the clouds our paint
And wind as the invisible brush
I made a bridge joining the clouds to see you


And I asked the angels to help me build it for you to make it strong
As I want to reach you with all of my passion


When I get there my dear I will run to you….I will see only you
As I pass through the morning light…the eyes of the sun
And hold you up and lift you into my world

 yvan

LETTING YOU IN



Sometimes we must let others in.  Sharing yourself with the world is never a bad thing!


 As promised some time ago, I agreed that every now and again, I would reveal more about who I am as a person.  I would like to say right off that I am utterly flattered with all the mail that I get from all of you.  It's incredibly overwhelming (in the best of ways)  To say that I ever thought I'd be receiving an abundance of letters/emails and comments regarding interest in myself or my writing would be an outright lie.  I humbly thank you all for all your love and support throughout this year and hope that 2011 will bring us closer together.

I've decided to write this second "Intimate and Interactive with the Writer" piece a little differently.  Most of you who have written, asking to know more about me, have made it clear that you would like "your questions" answered.  So I've decided to oblige.  For this session, I've decided to take a few of the more "popular questions" you all had and answer them accordingly.  Keep in mind that I cannot answer all today, but will in sessions to come.  Here we go:

What are my thoughts on Astrology?  Well, I must admit that I believe there is truth to it.  It may not always be "bang on" every time for all, but I cannot deny that things have come to pass as predicted quite often.  Anything can be given hope/power if we allow it.  That's something I have always held true to.  So yes, it may be a silly thing to read your Horoscope each day to some, but if it makes you smile/feel good I say why not!  We all need a little direction every now and again.  If anything it brings hope or alertness to your day.  I'm a Sagittarian according to Astrological beliefs, and can say that my nature is extremely similar to what they describe my personality to be like.  So there you have it!

What kind of music influences my writing?  For the moment I would have to say:  Jazz.  There is something about the rhythms of:  Chris Botti, Miles Davis, John Coltrane and Ella Fitzgerald (to name a small few) that just make me want to create!  Yet there are other creative minds like: Eminem, Erykah Badu, Justin Nozuka, India Arie, Amel Larrieux and Musiq Soulchild (to name a few) that are equally inspirational for me.  More often than not, there is always music playing in the background as I write.  It soothes me.

What kind of books do I read?  I am all over the map when it comes to reading.  I love it so much!  I try to experience a bit of everything whenever I can.  Like my music, I go through different phases in my life where I completely engulf myself in one area and next month will be in love something entirely different.  Nevertheless, here are some favourites:  Margret Atwood, Shakespeare, Susan Johnson, Ken Follet, Arthur Miller, J.D. Salinger, Jack Canfield, Anthony Robbins, Oscar Wilde, John Grisham, Dan Brown and Khaled Hosseini.


What is my favourite movie of all time?  There are two actually.  Gone with the Wind and Meet Joe Black.  I'm completely enthralled with "old Victorian Day" epic films; as well as movies that have any true meaning of life behind them.  I like to "learn lessons" whenever I read or watch something.  So I seldom do either if it will not give me that.  Therefore, it can be said that I rarely watch television.  I don't feel as though there is anything on worth watching these days!

Am I addicted to anything?  Yes, sadly I am. Food and Love.  Both share a very powerful presence in my world.  The two have governed most of my life and I must confess that it bothers me to have to admit that.  Nevertheless, it is true.  I am not ashamed of who I am in any way.  It is a constant battle/struggle for me to keep them both at a normal/positive distance from my life.  I have allowed them both to make wrongful decisions for me.  Decisions that I have not always been proud of.  At the best of times it's brought me some form of happiness, but at the worst of times it's allowed me to settle and remain in toxic situations for too long.  Too much of anything is never good.  That's what my Grandmother used to say.  Too much of anything will surely kill you, and I think she may be right!

I believe I shall stop here for today.

Before ending I would like to comment on two things briefly:  I want you all to know that I truly enjoy all of your comments (both here on the blog and those I receive from you by email) It means a lot that you all come here each day and share my life with me.  I know I haven't been writing as often lately, but I promise to do some more regularly in 2011.  With that being said, I can appreciate that the topics discussed here can and do fuel debates and conversations between us all.  All I ask is that you be respectful of me and one another while doing so.  Allow everyone their own suggestions and opinions.  I promise I will try not to be hurt by any of them.  I do not have an Editor or Moderator for my page and do not wish to go that route ever!  The intention of this page is to share freely all it is I feel.  To bring you all along on the journey and adventures that I call "my life".  There will be days where I will not be "grammatically or politically correct" in my pieces and so be it.  My writing has always been and will remain what it is - naked!

Finally, to my "newest dear friend" Red:  Congratulations on your new blog page.  I'm so proud of you.  I'm glad I could be your muse.  I'm utterly flattered!  I encourage you all to visit and join her page. 
http://www.diaryofmypersonaltruths.blogspot.com/

Thank you to all those of you who have taken an interest in this Lady.  I truly hope I never disappoint you!

A Sad Christmas

Is this what Christmas has come to mean?  GIFTS?

I must say that of all the past Christmas seasons I have been so blessed to share in, this one left me feeling quite vulnerable and sad.  It's been a tough year for many reasons.

It was the very first Christmas that my best friend and I had to spend without her Mother.  For those of you who follow me regularly, you may remember me writing about her passing, back in June.  She loved Christmas and all it represented.  She taught us that the truest meaning of Christmas was about good will toward others and the importance of sharing the day with family.   In her honor we got together in what was once her home and broke bread together on last time.  We toasted her and all took turns sharing memories of her; around the dinner table.  We got through it and even managed to laugh a little.  Yet, although the home was filled with many different voices and some laughter it just wasn't the same.  It was much too quiet.  After all, the one voice that was missing was the most important one of all:  Her voice.

This year without her, I felt lost.

I have always loved Christmas in the past.  Yet, somehow this year was oddly different in many ways.  I was feeling extremely emotional and incredibly touchy about everything.  It actually bothered me that others were exchanging extravagant gifts with one another and I had no part in any of it.  To be honest, I rarely have the resources to ever go out there any buy multiple (expensive) gifts for anyone, but it's never affected me this way before.  So why now?  Why this year? 

I have always been one to strongly hold true to the belief that Christmas is not about gifts but the company.  I still think this way, but I was feeling a lot of self pity this season.  I wanted to do more for those I loved and simply couldn't afford to do so.  I sat by and watched my friends/family open amazing gifts for one another and couldn't help but feel a little envious. I wished so much that I could have given them the gifts that they deserved.  Gifts that could have made them smile equally as grand. Alas, it just wasn't possible.  I was literally uncomfortable and found myself thinking that I just couldn't wait til Christmas was over.  Me?  Can you imagine that?  I absolutely LOVE this holiday/time of year. 

I really don't know what's wrong with me.  It's as if I have forgotten the real meaning of the season.  Perhaps some ghosts should come visit and remind me as they did poor ol' Mr. Scrooge.

I truly hope you all had a better Christmas...

A Birthday Wish From Me...To Me

HAPPY 37TH BIRTHDAY GIA GIRL!!

Today is my birthday and I am blessed that God has allowed me 37 glorious years to be alive.


I have never been one to cry over numbers or wish my day away as “just another ordinary one” in all my life. I never really understood why people do that anyway. How can anyone see the day they were born as “just another day”? It’s anything but that in my books. Whether your life is not as you pictured it or if it’s been one downward spiral after another, this is still “YOUR LIFE” and each birthday is a reflection of that fact.
It’s the day when God granted the world the sheer gift of having you within it. A divinely perfect creation; born into an exceptional resemblance of existence.

When I awoke this morning I felt a new zest of freedom. Do I feel it every year? No, not really. However, today’s initial “birthday feeling” was different in some way. It’s been a really tough year for me in so many ways, yet I am truly hopeful for the future-my future. My best friend wrote me a beautiful little message today and in the midst of it, these beautiful words came out to greet my twinkling eyes: “You deserve to be happy” My first reaction was: “Damn right I do” and I intend to see to it personally this year. It hasn’t been
my most happiest of years, but the next one will. This is my birthday wish for myself – to make myself happy. It’s not to mean that I had a completely miserable year –no, not at all. However, I just don’t believe that I paid much attention to myself or my inner voice in the way I should have. I’m always the person who does for others and if there is any time or energy left perhaps I will muster up the effort to do for me – last. Your happiness is always more important than mine. That is just the way I’ve been designed by my creator. However, this year I want to spend a little more time on "moi".

Today, I wanted to thank God for all my blessings and all my fortunes. I am a truly lucky individual to have all that I do within this life. I have a wonderful family and the very best of friendships that anyone could ever dream of. I have a fulfilling career and an aspiring one – thanks to all of you. I have a really positive outlook on life and honestly believe that all my dreams can come true. Most importantly, I am renewing my health each and every day. That gift in itself is priceless. For what is anything in this life if you don’t have that? Nothing at all!

So thank you to God for creating such vibrancy inside of this simple girl. Thank you for always illustrating that love truly can conquer all in a world that’s sometimes painted ugly. Thank you for never giving up on the person I can be, even when I don’t think she’s much at all. Thank you for giving me the strength to go after my dreams no matter what the odds and allowing me the courage to accept the things I cannot change. Thank you for allowing me the vision to believe in myself. Most of all, thank you for making me see what I was meant to do on this earth. Thank you for granting me this gift of words to share and express with all those who will listen. To know that they can touch and comfort others in some small way is truly remarkable to me. That is all I have ever wanted to do – help others in any way that I can. So God, use me up until I am all used up!

A special “Happy Birthday Wish” to two wonderful ladies with whom I share this day with: Angie & Daniela . I am so thrilled to be sharing this wonderful day with you both. Thank you for always being there for me and showing me what strength truly is, in every way. So a toast to the three of us! May this truly be “our year to shine in every way” All my love forever! Happy, Happy Birthday to us all!

A woman approached me the other day and wanted to share how much she has truly enjoyed my writing over the years.  She told me that she has read individual thoughts before, but for some reason mine really touched her.  For years I always wondered what that moment would feel like.  When someone you barely know approaches you and tells you that something you've done has touched them in such a way that truly unexplainable.  I thought about what I would say, how I would react, but one is never quite prepared for such an event - at least I wasn't.  What I can say is that I was incredibly humbled by the entire experience.  However nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen next.

The woman began speaking to me about her family.  She told me about her daughter, then her son and how proud she was of them and all they have meant to her.  Then she told me about her husband.  As she spoke I began to notice how tears filled her eyes.  Then suddenly, they cleared and her face exuded a love and warmth I could barely explain with mere words.  She told me how much she loved him and how he truly made both her and her family unit whole.  She spoke with such love for this man, in a manner that I haven't heard anyone refer to their other half in all my life.  In a world filled with so much cynicism surrounding love and marriage, here was a woman who could truly show everyone how it's really done!  She was the epitome of what those two words were truly about.  It was utterly beautiful and I am so thankful to have been part of it all.

Then, she asked me how I would feel about writing a eulogy for him.  The look on my face must have spoken volumes because the next thing she asked was if I was alright.  Then it suddenly made sense, the tears in her eyes when she spoke of him, the glow of love that filled her face when she told me about him and now the eulogy. "He must be ill", I thought. So I decided to ask her.  She said that he was in perfect health, but that he is such a great man and didn't want to "misrepresent him" when the time came.  I stood in "awe" of this woman as she stood there and went into great detail about her life with him.  How lucky she was to love a man as much as she did and more importantly, how much she was loved in return.

I have often wondered if real love like that actually exists.  I certainly have written about it, I've definitely dreamt of it and I have always hoped to both give it and find it in my own life someday.  Yet, as much as I have ever dared to dream of such a thing, I was so delighted to finally have the answer smack me straight in the face.  Oh, and what a beautiful blow it was.  There truly is hope for love out there.  Love, in it's truest form does exist.  Even in a world filled with so much negativity surrounding it.

The entire thing actually made my heart smile.  I loved sitting there watching her every emotion come alive while she spoke of their love.  Wondering if I would ever speak about someone like that.  More importantly, wondering if anyone would ever speak of me that way.   Nevertheless, it was a very comforting thought that it is absolutely possible.

I told the woman that it would be my honor and distinct pleasure to be a part of their love.  When the time comes ( may it be a million years away) I will do my best to represent in words all that this man had come to mean to her -within this lifetime.  Having met her and hearing about this beautiful love, I truly do not believe I could ever put into words all that they have shared...but I will do my best to try. 

She looked at me and smiled.  " After reading your words and having the opportunity to know a little bit about the woman you are, I wouldn't dare dream of asking anyone else.  You are just the person to express my love"  Those precious words were followed by the longest, deepest and sweetest embrace I had felt in a long time.

A special thank you to that woman.  She reminded me why I ever wanted to write in the first place. 

Holly Jolly Christmas

The Truest Meaning Of Christmas..

Christmas brings with it many gifts: Forgiveness for the past, courage for the present and hope reborn for the future once again. No matter what is going on in our lives it always reminds us that the little things in life are always what matter most of all. It makes us stop to smell the roses and live for today simply because tomorrow may never come. It truly allows us to see that the only riches in life we should ever strive for are: Love, peace and humility because these are riches that will always weigh more than any gold.

This Christmas I pray that we are all granted the highest of blessings that last us a lifetime through. Strength to accept whatever comes, knowledge to feed our minds and fuel our souls, family and friends continuously gathered in good health around our tables; filling our rooms with laughter and cheer, imaginations to create memories that grow more treasured with each passing year and finally, that our hearts are brightened with the richest of loves: One of self, mankind and God above.

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas season!



Pedometers...don't leave home without one!

 I recently bought myself a pedometer, as a direct suggestion from my nutritionist.  I'm sure you've all seen them or at least heard of them.  It's one of those things that you set up, clip onto your clothing and begin walking.  It's purpose is to measure exactly how many steps one actually takes, on any given day.  Or, in my case how many steps I don't take on any given day. 

I began on Monday morning.  I woke up, showered and got ready for work.  Before leaving home, I set it up (entering your weight/height) clipped it onto my pants and began my day.  This one is actually really neat because it will buzz you each time you've hit a 1000 steps and will also mark how many calories you burn as you go along.  On this day, I am sad to report that I never got " a buzz".  I waited and must have checked on it a million times a day.  Nothing extraordinary happened.

By Wednesday, I had gotten used to the idea of clipping it on the moment I got out of bed and before long I was feeling that beautiful "buzzing vibration" that I'd been hearing so much about.  It was really motivating to check on it and see the progress.

By Friday morning, I was on cloud 9.  I had broken all my records of the days past and was looking forward to doing even more the next day. 

Here I sit, Sunday morning, and I just had to communicate to all of you just how wonderful this little mechanism is.  When I began using it on the first day I felt down and depressed almost, because of how low my numbers really were.  What I didn't realize at the time is how that number would motivate me to change things for the rest of the week.  I would never have imagined that something like a pedometer would actually inspire me to move more and feel great.  I am nowhere near the recommended "10,000" steps per day, but am fully conscious of the fact that I must more toward that goal each and every day.  I realize that I have a very inactive workday, but it only means that I need to motivate, encourage myself and keep focused on the idea that I need to "get up and move" more each and every day.  I know that soon enough 10,000 steps will seem too low for me to live with on any given day and will strive for more. 

I truly recommend all of you to get one.  You'd be surprised how much it will change your way of thinking.
I learned a lot this week after wearing it.  It's opened my eyes to a lot of different things - especially to the fact that no matter what you've got going on in your life, YOU must always matter most of all.

The True Price For Sex

Will Ontario make "Prostitution" legal in Ontario?

With all of the more relevant issues surrounding our society today, our Government's concern is trying to legalize life's oldest profession. 

I am not the kind of person who persecutes or passes judgement however, I believe that this will bring much more pain than it will pleasure.  Technically, Prostitution is already legal in Canada (as a whole) but the surrounding aspects of it is still very much illegal. 

Like drugs and alcohol, sex is very much a powerful addiction.  One that is seldom heard of or cared about.  What will this mean for the "Sex Addict" exactly?  It will mean that these individuals can freely and openly act out on their addiction daily - without remorse.  Most Addicts find it hard (if not impossible) to refrain from indulging in their additions in a normal arena, much less an "open forum"  Not all Addicts give into their poison but let's face it, most do.  In all truth, if a drug/alcohol Addict never had another drop of liquor or drug ever again in their lifetime they would survive.  Sex, on the other hand is very much a different story.  It ties in (once again) with our basic fundamental needs.  As human beings we cannot simply go on in our everyday lives without it.  It can be done, but it's not recommended or healthy.  I feel for the Addict. Not only for them but more so for the individuals which surround their lives.  What will they do?  They barely have control over the addiction as it is.  Now they have another "dangling carrot" in the horizon.  It must feeling incredibly overwhelming.  Basically fighting a losing battle.

Yet, like tobacco companies, if  Prostitution is "fully legalized" in this country it will only mean more revenue for the Government.  True or false?  We are all aware that the Government has the power to ban stuff that is unhealthy for us ( like cigarettes) but they don't - especially when it generates billions of dollars each year.  Still, they spend an obscene amount of money on ad campaigns each year promoting healthy lifestyles. 

Will this mean that we will be seeing Prostitutes in our residential areas?  Yes.  Will this mean that our neighbourhoods may in fact become unsafe for our children to freely roam around it?  Possibly.  Will crime be on the rise if this profession is in fact legalized? Absolutely!  Let's face it folks, Prostitution itself may not be considered an "out-right crime" however, there are a mine field of criminal activities that go hand in hand with the entire idea.

I wonder if paying for sex will also include H.S.T. attached to it?  Hmm...

Another avenue that truly saddens me about this entire ordeal is that more and more women will be exploited.  Women are already forced into this sort of lifestyle because it's an easy means to a great income.  How many more will suffer because they are just too weak to walk away from it all? 

I truly hope there is a great deal of consideration that will go into making a decision of this calibre.  Sadly, something tells me that once again, the Government will give into "pressures" and allow it to happen.  I'm not sure about you, but I think there is a huge price we will all be paying for sex. So let us have a voice now, before it's too late to be heard.