Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Venus vs. Mars

I will never understand at times how we, as people co-exist together in this world. A bold statement, I know, however it truly is something I wonder about quite often. Yet, think about it. Think about it logically for a moment. We are all human beings, each one of us “uniquely different” than the other, but are we? Are we really? At times, I truly don’t believe at times we are at all.  How we do not kill one another: Man vs. Woman I will never know. Despite what we want to believe, men and women are NOT the same, on any level of platform.

I truly believe that in today's society relationships between men and women have fallen into the category of "survival of the fittest" because either party is seldom willing to go "above and beyond" for the other.  More often than not the love and respect elements are rarely ever distributed equally.  In any relationship (friendship or otherwise) one always seems to love more than the other.  Commit more than the other. 

Throughout my life, I have seen and been exposed to many different kinds of men. Attracted to some initially for reasons that I believed were desirable, while others I kept as friends. Ironically enough, more times than not, I would much rather have all the qualities in the kind of men I keep as friends than the ladder. Yet, I always seem to choose or desire the others for myself. I constantly struggle as to why that is so. I’m sure most women (as well as men) do the same. The concept is nothing new, I’m aware of that. We have gone back and forth with it for centuries, but more and more I am deeply puzzled by the idea of it all.

So why are we continuously seeking the “company” of those we least desire more often than not? Myself, I have chosen the same “type” of partner time and time again, knowing full well that certain personalities will not mesh well with my own. It always begins the same way. I find teeny tiny bits of “human traits” that somewhat resemble/mimic my own only to realize in the end we couldn’t be more different. What I cannot understand is how I see it so differently in the beginning stages of it all and always (more often than not) ends with me being “surprised” of the outcome. Yet, keeping the same principles in mind, men who are truly my ideals I always keep them at bay-branding them as “friends”. Very very odd indeed.

Now I do realize that opposites attract in any realm of light. It’s the idea of challenge and change that makes any situation “exciting” however; I think that I’m at a point in my life where I now truly understand that “different” doesn’t necessarily mean “better”. I am entering a “calmer” stage of my life where drama and constant differences in personality is not only too crazy to handle, but ridiculous as well. So ridiculous in fact that I am utterly bored with it. I’m tired of all the fuss it brings.

So is it not easier to be with those who are like you instead? Who “get you” in every way that counts the most? The answers to complicated questions are always simple. Yet, it is we (as human beings) that always look for a difficult solution instead. If the road seems far too easy, it cannot possibly be right. I, for one, have always felt that way. The easy road seems too easy, yet the painful road is the one we always seek comfort in. The one we always seem to want to love. It’s utter madness I tell you. So why do we do it? Continuously over and over again. Why do we always find ourselves in the same kind of situation where we are sitting at a cross road and confused of the paths that lay in front of us? Why do we always second guess that we know what’s best for us? Are we just raised to be this way? Was I raised in fear of trusting that gut?

I can only come to the conclusion that our own sense of “obviousness” changes as we do. What we wanted 10 years ago is not necessarily what we wish for ourselves today. Perhaps last year, the quest for one thing is this year’s monotony. Who knows? Perhaps this is just my way of rationalizing the thought so I don’t sound stupid in my own head. Yet, at the same time, my heart laughs. For she knows the difference and what I have desired and craved all along. That is:

I’m tired of being supportive and not supported. I’m tired of being strong without being shown strength. I’m tired of mundane occurrences and conversations without enlightening ones in return. I’m tired of fighting for things, and not being fought for. I’m tired of lifting spirits and not being raised myself. I’m tired of fighting another’s fears and depressions without being held and comforted of my own. I’m tired of being a gentle, loving soul and not shown compassion and humility. I’m tired of being all they could ever want and never been shown that I’m enough. I’m tired of putting them on a pedestals and knowing that I will never be high enough in their eyes. I’m tired of being anyone’s savoir and never feeling safe. I’m tired of putting them first in any and all situations and not being given that same courtesy-ever! I’m tired of feeling like love’s suicide and not having it ready to die for me. I’m tired of feeling them feel complete and never feel whole. I’m tired of the war between this woman and man.

I truly hope and pray for “selfishness”. That someday soon, I can be for myself all I have ever tried to be for any man.

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