In my circle of friends I am the “go to girl” when it comes to relationship issues. There is one in every group and I believe it helps out a great deal to have someone who is your “pillar of strength, encouragement and hope” at all times. I am actually blessed because I have two, and boy do these individuals have their work cut out for them (LOL). Lately, I’ve had a number of others turn to me with relationship woes and I literally sit there and scream on the inside. I think to myself: “Ok, are we really and truly that afraid to be alone, that we allow others to come into our lives and cause havoc? “ Now, keep in mind that I am not talking about normal “run of the mill” issues that occur in day to day relationships. We all have them and folks regardless of what anyone else will tell you (professionally or otherwise) relationships are hard work. Yes, that’s right, work. It’s never easy, no matter what situation you’re in. The love part is and should be “a given” but the rest…well the rest needs a lot of nurturing and effort. Some things however, like: mutual respect, common goals and being able to be yourself cannot and should not be compromised. At the end of the day, we have a responsibility to ourselves to look after our own well being. Others may feel onus to that responsibility as well, but let’s be real, we have invested interest on that front.
So let us do a “sanity check” shall we:
If the person you are with says: “I love what we have and don’t wish to change that, so you shouldn’t get so angry when I flirt with others” THAT’S DISRESPECTFUL TO YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP. WHAT DO YOU THINK? YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE THE BEST OF MY WORLD AND ENJOY EXPLORING OTHER WORLDS TOO? HELL NO!!! This a loving relationship does not make. I’m sorry.
If the person you’re with laughs and says that you’re being ridiculous, when you find personal phone numbers, emails or texts from other people in their possession: THAT’S JUST RUDE. DO NOT DENY THAT INNER VOICE “SPOUTING TRUTHS” TO BE SILENCED JUST BECAUSE YOUR OTHER HALF IS LOOKING SO SEXY AND SWEET WHEN THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU’RE NUTS. STEP UP AND LET THEM KNOW THAT THE ONLY ONE WHO’S CRAZY AROUND HERE IS YOU, IF YOU THINK I’M ACTUALLY GOING TO TAKE THIS CRAP FROM THE PERSON WHO SUPPOSEDLY LOVES AND CARES FOR ME. YOU MAY BE IN LOVE WITH THEM BUT DON’T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE “STUPID, IN LOVE”
If the person you are with is verbally degrading you in loud tones on a daily basis: NEWS FLASH DEARY, THIS IS CALLED ABUSE. YOU DON’T NEED TO SPORT ACTUAL BRUISES ON YOUR BODY TO BE CLASSIFIED AS AN “ABUSED PERSON” THERE ARE MANY SCARS LEFT ON THE HEART THAT ACHE JUST AS MUCH
If the person you are with deceives you by neglecting to disclose important sexual information such as: Having more than one partner at a time and claiming he is solely with you so why is their need for protection. Pretending to be on birth control so that protection is not required during sex. Claiming that the reason they are always home with your roommate before you get there, simply because they watch “the soaps” together waiting for you to get home. IS DECEIT MY FRIENDS. SOME OF IT CAN BE FATAL. BEING SEXUALLY ACTIVE WITH MORE THAN ONE PARTY AT A TIME MEANS THAT YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO YOURSELF AND THOSE YOU’RE WITH TO BE PROTECTED AT ALL TIMES. NOT DOING SO, OR NEGLECTING TO DO SO FOR YOUR OWN ENTERTAINMENT IS NOT ONLY ENTRAPMENT BUT MURDER.
If you are with someone who always makes you feel less than who you are and brings you to tears more than bouts of laugher: THIS IS TRULY A SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS, NOT TO MENTION A SAD UNION. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE AWAY THE BEAUTIFUL ESSENCE THAT IS YOU. IF THEY ARE NOT TRULY IN "AWE" OF ALL THAT YOU ARE. IF THEY ARE NOT HAPPY TO BE WITH YOU OR FEEL THAT YOU NEED TO CHANGE IN ORDER TO BE ENOUGH FOR THEM, THEN THEY ARE NOT WORTHY OF ALL THAT YOU ARE. DO NOT CRY FOR WHAT SOMEONE DOESN'T SEE IN YOU, BUT INSTEAD FEEL SORRY FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY DON'T SEE WHAT BEAUTY LIES WITHIN YOU. I MEAN, WHY CRY OVER SOMEONE WHO HAS TAKEN A LOOK AT THE "AWESOMENESS THAT IS YOU" AND SAID "NO THANKS" (one of my favourite incerpts from a book called: It's called a breakup because it's broken. Truly a must read)
There are so many more that I could elaborate on but sadly, they are even more asinine than the ones I have chosen to list above.
On a serious note, I do wish at times that there were classes dedicated to learning about being in positive relationships in high school, university or college. I truly believe that they would have been beneficial to all of us. I know that at times we loose who we are in others and our self worth becomes compromised, but we must always be a little selfish when it comes to taking care of ourselves. It’s allowed..I swear. Take it from someone who knows all too well how hard it is to put yourself first. It’s a MUST in all facets of life. I don’t mean in a way that is cruel, deceitful or malicious to other human beings, but in a manner that projects to others that you love, honor and respect yourself in every way. That no one in any area of life has the right to take or challenge that. EVER! A wise man once said: “Never allow anyone to ever own the definition of who you are. That task only belongs to you” A task we should all learn to master.
So let us never allow someone to take away our light.
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