Monday, February 24, 2014


writers block

A wise woman once said:  “ Do one thing every day that scares you”  So, I try to do at least one thing a month.  That’s all I’m actually capable of for the moment.  I’m afraid that if I do one thing a day my anxiety will swallow me whole – and I will never be heard from again.  Ironic isn't it? For the longest time I feel like I have been swallowed and silenced but, by what I don't actually know. I just really haven't wanted to write in some time. 

It’s funny, people automatically think that Writers have so much to say, at any given moment.  However, it’s not always the case.  There are times when things can become so dark inside of you, that words cannot possibly be spoken.  That has always been my personal “Writer’s Block” issue.  The words get disconnected from my heart, my spirit and I can no longer write.  It’s very scary at times.   I can say with much honesty that writing has been one of the scariest things that I have ever done in my entire life.  I mean taking your raw emotions and turning them into energy that you hope will somehow manifest itself into words.  And not just any words but words that will touch someone.  Words that will somehow be accepted and welcomed into people’s lives; so that in some small way I can feel accepted.  Now that is pressure. 
Being a Writer…well, it’s hell most of the time.  You’re continuously looking for a mark, a validation.  A sign within society that says:  “Your Words Do Matter”  Although they will always matter to you, someone else may find them boring, too emotional, not emotional enough.  It’s a roller coaster of crazy on a daily basis.  My first Editor once told me not to worry so much about what I write but rather, it was important to keep on writing-anything.  Even if it was just for the waste basket.  And that’s the thing.  Sometimes I feel like all of my writing deserves the waste basket.  The more you want meaningful writing to just spew out of your fingertips the more difficult it gets to create something magical.  And no matter the struggle and anguish of it all, it is who I am.  I am words and they are me.  I am undoubtedly, unequivocally…a Writer!

So, I’ve come to create for you once again.  I hope that you will find something grand in the humble things I say and enjoy them –always!