Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Vassiliki Droutsas

Today is going to be one of the hardest days of my life.

Today, I say goodbye to a woman who has been like a Mother to me.
my heart is broken in pieces right now, I feel quite fortunate and blessed. For you see, there are many people out there who don't have a Mother or perhaps never knew one in their lifetime. I, on the other hand was blessed with three of them: My original beloved Mother by birth (Chiara), my beloved and missed Mother (my Grandmother Ernestina) and my suddenly departed and beloved Mother (Vassiliki).

I could sit here and write to you about everything this woman meant to me, but it would only cast a small glimmer of light on who she truly was. She was definitely someone you had to experience "in real life" to get the meaning of my interpretation. I will never forget her and all she represented.

She was one of those individuals where everything was acceptable or explainable. She lived her life to the fullest and didn't believe it should be censored in any way. Something that my best friend and I (her daughter) giggled about during these last few days.

What I loved most about her was the way she made everyone around her feel loved. Again, it was something you just had to witness for yourself to truly understand. It didn't matter if she knew you 20 years, 20 days or 20 hours, she always made you feel like one of her own children.

A woman who loved a house full of people at all times. She loved noise...lol
Be it chatter, laughter or splashes we would all make in her swimming pool.

One of my fondest sounds was her laugh. It was so contagious, so loving and so child like. Another would have to be the Greek music that echoed from every corner of her home all the time. She loved it and in turn I loved it too. She would always tell me about the different singers and dances she loved. God she was so graceful and free. Now she's gone and the world is so quiet I could die..

I miss her so much I ache all over. I cannot believe she was taken away from me so soon.

At times for this reason I get so mad at myself for being THIS CLOSE to anyone. For when you are it kills you when they leave you. "Never invest in people, cuz they always leave" My very own personal quote and something I truly believed in for most of my life. Yet the more I have tried to distance myself from all those around me in my lifetime, the more God opens my heart and allows me to love and be loved. Something I will have to discuss with him when I get to Heaven someday. A personal joke between him and I no doubt.
I want to love less and less and he MAKES ME love more and more. Yet, I suppose am thankful he has made me someone who always wears her heart on her sleeve, because I couldn't imagine going through life any other way. For I'd rather bleed from cuts of love then go through life ever living without it's scars.

I sit here in bed writing all of this in tears...

Wondering how the rest of the day will unfold. In a way I hope it moves quickly. Yet in another way, I hope it lasts forever.

This may be the last day I see her body, but I take comfort in the fact that she will always be with me in spirit.

My deepest condolences go out to my beloved "Greek Family"

Your Mother/Wife was the truest measure of any human being and will be sadly missed.

To my second Mother in life: Vassiliki:

Words could never fully come to express all that you have meant to me; within this life. I will forever treasure our memories together and hold them close within my heart. You were a woman of many talents, many pleasures and many tastes. All of which were exquisite.

You were one of the most kind and generous souls that I ever had the pleasure of meeting upon this earth. You opened up your home to anyone and gave food, shelter, support and love to all of us. We all call you "Our Mother" because that is exactly who you were to all of us. If there was ever anyone who ever spoke ill will of you, may they be forgiven today and shown mercy/forgiveness by God. These people never really knew the true essence of the Lady you were or how selflessly you gave of yourself each day.

You were spectacular in every way and I am both honored and privileged to have stood beside you for a moment within this lifetime. Now you are in Heaven and without a doubt the brightest star within our sky.Thank you for all you have given me throughout the years: Love, courage, laughter, the love of flowers, respect and kindness. Most of all, thank you for giving me the gift of your daughters: Georgina & Nektaria. They have been my sisters and my beckons of light, in every storm. They are true examples of who you were and love them as I have loved you: dearly and whole-heatedly.

Sleep well dear Mother

Until we meet again….

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Is This How Love SHOULD Feel?

Sometimes I think, so I might not forget
All the things I felt the day we first met
There are times when it doesn’t even seem real
The days filled with sunlight, the nights filled with romance and all this happiness that I feel
I want to be careful and protect the heart that is mine
But each time I try to pull away from you
The butterflies within my tummy rehearse a dance so divine
Will he prove to be worthy?
Is a question my heart asks my mind
Only you can answer that dear heart, but please understand it will take time
So sometimes I think, so I might not miss the exact moment that my heart is convinced
That the story of you and I is spectacular wonder and incredible bliss
And that the only thing we are to one another…..is everything!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The World's Cup

There are many sports both played and celebrated around the world, but nothing seems as momentous as: The World Cup.

The logistics of this particular tournament are simple. Once every four years, teams around the world (that have qualified to play) compete against one another for a month to try and reach the finals. The objective: To defeat all countries and become the "World Cup Champions" of that year and reign in that standing for the next four years.

It's a time when the entire world comes together in support of their country, and publicly takes pride in their origin. You may not even be a loyal follower of the game, but the adrenaline still gets you. Others must feel the same, as it has been noted as the "most widely viewed sporting event in the world". In the last World Cup Series of 2006, there was an estimated 715.1 million viewers who tuned in.

Soccer has always been my favourite sport. Some say it's because of my roots, that it's because it has been embedded within me because I'm Italian. Perhaps that is part of the appreciation for the game, but the love of it comes from much more.

Last Friday was the beginning of "The World Cup" for 2010. I was on my way to work, with my flag swaying proudly in the wind in the window of my car. When I saw this man walking toward the bus stop wearing a soccer jersey of "our team". We looked at each other for a brief moment, smiled and nodded at each other. As if to say: "YES, LET'S DO THIS" It made me feel good all over and set the momentum of my day. I thought to myself: "In a world filled with people you don't know, it takes the power of something as silly as a sport, to bring people together.

There is a certain vibe that this sport sets forth. A sense of loyalty, pride and intoxication for victory that you just simply cannot get enough of. With all my heart, I love everything it stands for.

Best of luck to all teams participating. Yet, a special "pat on the back" to my "Boys In Blue" Let's take it for another four years...shall we!!!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Remembering Michael..

It's almost been a year since his death.

This is my tribute to the most incredible man of our time. The Legend, The Icon, The Individual, The Man.... MICHAEL JACKSON!

Sadly on June 25,2009 the world lost an incredible human being. His vibe, music and loving nature will never be duplicated within our life time again. Many attempt to, but there will truly NEVER be another you Michael. Now you are free from all the prejudices in this world. I am truly sorry that some failed to see your purity, but I believe that those trials truly showed the world exactly what you were made of: Strength, style, grace, love and individualism. I adored all that you were and am honored to have shared this world with you. You have touched me in more ways than you shall ever know. I intend to treasure your legacy by being a caring, loving and giving human being just like you. You are the reason I fell in love with music and writing and the need to help others. You have always inspired my creativity in these areas, therefore today I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you were to me. You truly were and will always remain: My mentor, My hero, My friend. R.I.P. Dearest Michael..

As I write this, something occured to me. Could there in fact be individuals out there who don't know who this magnificent man was? My inner voice screams: "IMPOSSIBLE" Yet, this may actually be so. Therefore, if you are reading this and fall into this category of man/woman than enjoy the little "synopsis of Michael Jackson" below. Compliments of Wikipiedia. Michael Joseph Jackson was born on August 28, 1958, in Gary Indiana, USA. He was the seventh child of the Jackson Family.

He made his debut onto the professional music scene at the age of 11 as a member of The Jackson 5 in 1969, and later began a solo career in 1971 while still a member of the group. Referred to as the "King of Pop"[2] in subsequent years, his 1982 album Thriller remains the world's best-selling record of all time[3] and four of his other solo studio albums are among the world's best-selling records: Off the Wall (1979), Bad (1987), Dangerous (1991) and History (1995).

With stage performances and music videos, Jackson popularized a number of physically complicated dance techniques, such as the robot and the moonwalk. His distinctive musical sound and vocal style influenced many hip hop, pop and contemporary R&B artists.

Jackson donated and raised millions of dollars for beneficial causes through his foundations, charity singles, and support of 39 charities.

One of the few artists to have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice, his other achievements include multiple Guinness World Records—including one for "Most Successful Entertainer of All Time"—13 Grammy Awards, 13 number one singles in his solo career, and the sale of 750 million records worldwide.[4] Jackson's highly publicized personal life, coupled with his successful career, made him a part of popular culture for almost four decades. Michael Jackson died on June 25, 2009, aged 50.[5] The specific cause of death has yet to be determined.[2] Before his death, Jackson had announced a 50-date sell-out This Is It comeback tour, in London, UK.

Let us always celebrate the magnificent: Singer, songwriter, record producer, arranger, dancer, choreographer, actor, author, businessman, financier, philanthropist that was: THE ONE...THE ONLY... MICHAEL JACKSON

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

An Early Ode To My Father


Did I ever say thank you for the way you loved me so much since the first moment you ever laid eyes on me?

Did I ever say thank you for the promise you made to God – that he should never allow anything to ever happen to me? If harm must come, to bestow the evil upon you instead and always protect me?

Did I ever say thank you for always giving your life, your heart and your soul to protect and watch over me for all time?

Did I ever say thank you for all those sleepless nights you spend holding me in your arms because I was too lonely to sleep in the crib all alone in the dark?

Did I ever say thank you for all the toys you mended, that I broke time and time again?
For all the games we played, outings to the park, picnics at the Island and endless summer days at the cottage?
Did I ever say thank you for all the times you tried to cheer me up when I was sad? For all the times you spend on your knees- wiping the tears of my shattered dreams.
Did I ever say thank you for never allowing your love for me to alter, diminish or change during those times when I said I hated you, wanted to abandon you or called you the worst Daddy ever – simply because you were doing what was best?

Did I ever say thank you for all the sacrifices you made, so that I could follow my dreams and interests, which seemed to change every other second?

Did I ever say thank you for working so hard to always provide for us, even during those days of solace bitter winter cold and the blistering heat of the summer’s sun? Just so I could have anything and everything my heart desired?

Did I ever say thank you for never losing faith in the little girl who was born to you, the Lady I tried so quickly to hurry up to be and the Woman I try so very hard every day to make you proud of?

Did I ever say thank you for carrying me through all those journeys in this life when I truly had no strength to carry myself? For all those times you shook me back to sense when I wanted to leave this world of darkness and pain.

Did I ever say thank you for believing in me when all the odds seemed to be stacked against me? Never allowing, Man, God or Beast to ever take your daughter’s heart, soul or blood because it has always and will forever always be yours.

Did I ever tell you how much I adore the Man you are everyday, the Father you have always been and continued to be? You are my light… my heartbeat…. my life and I… will forever be your little girl!


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Cheating..Why Is It Cute In The Movies?

After recently watching a few old movies, I began to dwell on the subject of “cheating” and what aspects of it are “socially acceptable” or not.
Now, normally you ask most women the question: “is it alright to cheat on your mate” and I can guarantee you that at least 85% of them would shout out a powerful “NO” answer before the sentence was finished. Yet, if you take a look at a lot of so called “love stories” it actually condones the behaviour in a powerful way. The clear aspect of cheating is over shadowed by “soul mates”, “love” and dare I say… destiny’s notion of “the happy ever after”.

I never really thought about it before, until I started looking into all the movies I have known and loved for years – a little deeper. The basic concept is the same: Boy meets girl. Boy finds something spectacular about her and falls all over himself to win her heart. Girl is clearly intrigued equally by the boy as well, but plays hard to get for a while and shy away from the subject. Finally, girl gives in and boy wins her heart. Sure there are major obstacles, twists and turns plotted in the duration of the movie, but one of the crucial ones surrounds cheating. In most of these types of movies/stories either the man or woman (or both) are already involved/married to someone else. They are either lacking something in their current situation or they just simply fall head over heals over a perfect stranger and fall in love - again, while all along with someone else. Seriously, if you don’t believe me than just trying going through your own list of favourite “sappy love stories” (yes we all have them) and you’ll see I’m right. Now, I am not saying they ALL follow suit, but most do. If they don’t actually cheat (full on) they are exploring others in a romantic way; at the very least.

So why is it acceptable in your favourite movie and not in life? I mean the conditions or situations surrounding this act could be equally as romantic as those found in the movies. Perhaps one is being mistreated, neglected or unloved. Perhaps current situations are so incredibly unbearable and they find themselves susceptible to an affair. Let’s be honest, anyone can be lured with the right bait and those who say “no, never” truly haven’t come across theirs. I don’t condone it for a moment, nor do I rationalize why it’s “ok” to cheat on someone – all I’m saying is that it happens, everyday. It’s a sad statement, but a truthful one at best. So why do we make “awe” remarks to movies like “Gone with the wind” or “Bridges of Madison County” when in real life we would burn them at the stake? It just seems odd to me.

Any thoughts?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dreams & Glory Days

Today was a day of self reflection. It seemed like every spare moment I had I was day-dreaming about my life. All the places I have seen, all the people I have met, the things I've done and the things I never had the courage to do. I began looking at how my life has turned out and couldn't help but feel a little short changed and dare I say...disappointed. Truly, I don't lack very much at all. I have wonderful family and great friends that would truly do anything for me and I for them. I have a fairly decent job that I dislike but it pays the bills. I'm in a relationship, and live in a beautiful home. I have a great deal of drive for the dreams I have and know that I possess the will to someday attain them. As well, I have a great deal of respect for both people, things and causes around me. Still, for some reason my mind, spirit and heart ache for more. In a word: I am "UN-fulfilled"

I miss the way things used to me at times. The friends I once had, the mentality and free spirit I once owned, my youth and excitement of a promising future. All the boys who at one time shamelessly duelled for my attention and my heart. The way my body once looked like and felt like. Waking up to the sheer excitement of what life had in store for me that day. I miss feeling butterflies in my tummy. I miss thinking that anything is possible. I miss believing that if you dream of it hard enough things WILL happen. I miss notes my friends and I used to send back and forth during math class. Watching my old boyfriend score a touch down for our High school Football team. I miss falling in love a million times. I miss sitting on the veranda with my Grandmother and watching the rain fall. I miss our Kool-aid stands (because at the time we thought that lemonade was over done). I miss laughing until my stomach couldn't take any more. I miss being abundantly happy, every second of every day...for no reason. I miss believing in fairy tales. I miss... I miss life the way I used to dream of it!

I just don't get it. How I ended up the way I did. Why I made all the choices I made. I mean I had a plan, sort of. I had a lot of dreams and truly all it took to capture each and every one of them. Yet, here I sit...literally empty inside. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed, nor am I looking for sympathy. I'm just sharing some feelings today of what I am feeling from deep within.

Most individuals in this situation have no clue who they are or what they want-but I do. I know exactly who I am as a person and have all my goals and dreams in check, but the only thing I don't know is how to attain them. I mean how does one go ahead and make all their dreams come true??

As people we are all born with the same capabilities and metal capacity to achieve greatness. Yet we are told that we are products of our own environment and drive, but are we really?

Any thoughts?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Dedication To All Lost Loves

In a dream I loved you, but it was in a heartbeat that you were gone.
Never, has there been a man who's ever loved me more
Or one who has ever done me so wrong.

In a dream you promised me the world
And my heart would always have a home
But all you've done is destroyed my faith in us
Because you went and left me all alone.

You said our love would always stand the test of time
And weather any storm with ease
But now that very love is dying
Battling life's disease.

I wanted to believe that all you said was true
More than you will ever know.
I never thought I'd ever hear you utter those words to me
That our time has ended and that you had to go.

I will never question my faith or love for you
Because I know what I felt was real
I will never regret allowing you a place within my heart
Even though I fear the hurt will never heal

I see you now walking in the streets
And all I want to do is make you turn around and look at me
To ask you what I've got to do to make my life mean more to you
Instead I watch you pass by as I hide in pain
Making sure I remember every last detail about you
In case I never see you again.

In a dream I loved you, but it was in a heartbeat that you were gone.
Never, has there been a man who's ever loved me more
Or one who has ever done me so wrong.