Saturday, November 27, 2010

Visions of Christmas Dancing In My Head

This has got to be my most favourite time of year.  It has been ever since I was very little.
It's a time of year where I truly believe that good things can happen.  Especially if things have been rough over the past year, Christmas always gives you that extra bit of "hope and encouragement" to hold on to your faith of everything.

I truly believe that as people, we either hate Christmas or we love it.  There really is no in-between.
I don't get all caught up in the hustle and bustle of shopping, as it's not really my thing.  However, I do love the store decor in the display windows.  I love the snow (when I'm not driving in it)  I love the way my home is always filled with the smell of cookies baking in the oven, or the fragrance of apple cinnamon candles burning.  I love the tree, the wreath and all the lights.  It just all seems so magical.

Most of all, I love it so, because I was always brought up in a household that believed in it.  Christmas was always an incredible sight in my parents home.  My Mom always went out of her way to have the entire house filled with Christmas decor.  My Grandmother always telling Christmas stories, teaching us what the true meaning of it all really was.  It was wonderful!  If you haven't had great memories of the season growing up than I believe that you will never have that love for it within your life.  However, once you've experienced just one happy memory of it, you will change your mind forever.

As I learned so very long ago, this is a time when the year truly begins.  A time when we can start anew and truly become the individuals we've always wanted to be.  Begin some charity work, help others in any way you can, laugh hard and often, and always show kindness and forgiveness to all those you meet.

So in honor of the season, I have made up some poems in hopes to get everyone in the mood.  It will not be uncommon to see them often throughout the coming month, so be fore-warned!
I hope you enjoy them..

As we grow up why do we loose that "Christmas Thrill"

Why are we too busy to decorate the tree,
Make Christmas cookies,
Send cards,
And sing carols with happiness and glee

Remember Christmas time as a child?
A time when everything was so pretty in white
One of snowmen and snow angels
And laughing uncontrollably as we had snowball fights

The feeling we used to get in our tummys
When Mommy said: "It's time to put up the tree and have some egg nog too"
And the excitement we felt when we looked at all the presents
Especially those that Daddy said were all for you

We are so quick to dismiss most things that Christmas represents
And I'm not just speaking of the obvious things
Like decor, mistl toe and presents

But rather the kindness of heart that this season should bring
To remember those who are less fortunate than you
To be kind to others as you walk on by
Perhaps with a smile, or holding open a door
Or by simply remembering to say I love you too.

So this year try and remember what this time of year has always meant to you

Get excited and allow your soul to be filled with Christmas magic
Allow yourself to love, to share and to be the happiest you have ever been with family and friends
For if you put it off until next year, because you are too busy
You will miss out on all the memories you could have created that may not be possible next Christmas
And wouldn't that be tragic....

This year when I contemplate about what Christmas means,
I confess that I will not have to think for long
Because you have all given me more than I could ever imagine or ask for
Your love, your kindness and your support
With all of this, how can this girl ever go wrong...

Wishing you all a Christmas filled with laughter, love and light,
A feeling of warmth and togetherness
That exceeds your appetite

And when Christmas is over
Remember all you've learned from my poem this year
And carry it with you in the months to come
So your life with always be filled with an abundance of happiness and cheer

Monday, November 22, 2010

Broken Love

No matter how hard I try
I cannot seem to fix what's broken
With pain and heartache all around me
Will I ever forget the words left spoken

After all that you have meant to me,
I cannot believe you say the things you do
I've given you my heart and the best parts of who I am
Yet your words and actions only prove that it means nothing to you

This love has left me numb, angry and sad
What hurts me most is that I know how beautiful it could be
If you would only give a damn, just once
About a life that you could easily make come true
Instead of allowing it to slip away,
And then being sad later for what you had

Sometimes I wonder if it's to late to try
And salvage any of the love we once had
Because I see nothing when I look into your eyes for me
And it makes me want to cry

Where does the love go when it leaves you
Or dare I ask if it was ever here
Because each time I turn around
I see another part of you just disappear

At times it makes me so sad, that all I do is cry
But most times it leaves me numb and hollow
Leaving me feeling less than a person should
And like your love for me, I want to want to die

I truly don't know what else I can do
To make our life mean more to you.
Who else must I be?
other than who I am
To make you want to be a part of me

Friday, November 19, 2010

Melancholy Ramblings

Have you ever felt as though you had enough strength to conquer the entire world, but barely owned enough courage to win any battles in your own life?  Today, this is how I feel.

I feel completely and utterly drained today.  I barely had enough energy to get out of bed.  I felt an incredible feeling of defeat wash over my entire being, when I awoke this morning.  It's nearly 2 pm and I cannot seem to shake it.  I feel physically and emotionally dead in my own skin today, and truly don't have any idea where I am to draw strength from any longer.

I know that we are suppose to be grateful for all that we are and all that we have, and I do.  Yet, there are days (like today) where I just want to lay in my nice warm bed, surrounded by soft comfortable things and just sulk in my own despair.  I try to be the positive one, the enlightened one, the happy one and the encouraging one.  Today, well today I am not even "the feeling one".  Today I am numb all over.

I decided to go for a drive to clear my mind, when I started looking at all the perfect houses in my neighborhood.  Families getting ready for their day, while others have already begun putting Christmas decor on their doors.  I sat there at a stop sign for a moment and took it all in.  Then, I began to wonder just how many of them were happy.  I mean truly happy with their lives and everything within them.  I began to wonder what it would feel like to be anyone but me.  What it would feel like to truly smile and mean every inch of it.

All I have ever wanted is to be happy within this life and yet, it always proves to be the single most difficult thing for me to achieve.  It infuriates me at times.  I am not one of those people who care to be rich, nor am I someone who longs for a lavish career or lifestyle.  I never have.  All I want is a simple, happy life.  So why is it that the simplest things are the farthest from your grasp? At this point, I honestly think that It would be easier to get rich than it would to be happy.

I don't wish to disrespect my creator in any way for all that he has given to my life thus far.  I am truly blessed, grateful and aware of all I have.  Yet, I just wish I knew what this divine power wanted from me.  Who am I to be?  Where am I to be? Will I ever be enough for myself and those around me?  All these questions I have asked a million times with no reply.

Truth be told, I'm scared.  Scared of so many things, that it disables me in all that I do.  The fear of my unknown future, allows me to abandon my present life. I suppose I have much more to learn in this journey of life, I just wish my lessons were simpler sometimes.  I've been through so much that I don't know how much more I can honestly take. And I honestly don't know what to do next.

God, help me!  Give me the strength I need to keep moving forward.  Allow me to keep believing in my dreams, in people and in this beautiful life that you have so made possible for me.  Keep me focused, keep me real.  Keep my spirit free and light. Carry me now because I truly feel like I can no longer walk alone.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Cheating Game

Due to the overwhelming response that I received regarding yesterday’s topic, I decided to render a “part two” for today.

I would like to go on recording stating the obvious, right off the cuff. That is, all the opinions stated within this blog are simply that – JUST MY OPINIONS.

I am after all solely one voice – but indeed a strong one when it comes to voicing what I believe in.

In today’s society it almost seems that cheating has become a fashion statement. Where some individuals change their taste in partners like they change their clothes – VERY FREQUENTLY! Nowadays, it’s that much simpler for those seeking an affair to not have to venture out or look very far. Sadly, it can now all begin right in the comfort of your own home. We have technology to thank for that.

Once upon a time there were no “online sites”, such as the one I listed yesterday to get onto, for the sole purpose of having an affair. Truly all dating sites are the perfect avenue to look for such a thing really. All you have to do is simply lie about your relationship status and meet hundreds of different potentials at the click of a button. We also have telephone dating services now which serve the same purpose, only they are live and you get to hear what that person sounds like immediately.

They categorize their clients in the following manner: Love/Steady Relationships. Friendship, Mingling/Dating and finally the most popular of them all: Intimate Encounters. These lines are set up so conveniently that you don’t even have to leave your front door to be unfaithful. Just simply pick up the phone (whenever you’re feeling a little frisky) and have creative/erotic conversations with the man/woman of your dreams anytime. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Oh Gia, these types of lines have always been around” Yes true, but the difference between the old “800 lines” and these new lines is this: If you connect with an individual(s) you simply exchange numbers and explore one another off of the system. Not exactly something one could do with the “Babes” from the 1-800 lines now is it? The purpose of these new lines is that you get to meet “like minded people” who are ready and willing to jump as fast and as high as you are. So the thrill is more alluring. Which brings me to the next technological gadget: The cellphone?

Some individuals have cheated before ever touching anyone else. It’s called erotic texting/voicemails and phone sex. Statistics show that it is the initial way people begin physical relationships in the 21 century. Even after physical encounters, people will still continue to have sexual contact in this manner simply because it’s easy and can prove to be incredibly erotic. After all, what most people don’t understand is that sex ALWAYS begins in the mind first and foremost.

Anyone can put you in a sexual state simply by walking past you.  Yet, forcing someone to paint a picture of a fantasy and act it out in their mind is completely another thing altogether.

This brings to mind several questions for all of you?

Firstly, what do you consider cheating exactly? Could it be a lingering stare at someone? A wink, a smile? Telling someone that you find them sexy? A quick peck on the lips? A long deep kiss? Giving someone of the opposite sex your phone number (even if it’s a co-worker that you swear up and down is only for business reasons)? Would you consider having phone sex cheating? Or agreeing to meet someone solely for a drink – with no intention of sex? I’m curious what you all think.

Secondly, I have never understood how so many individuals can get caught with 10, 20 or more saved text messages on their cell phones  All of them feeding sexual desires and sent to them by a lover(s). Well, no one said all people who cheat are bright now did they? *giggles* Delete all evidence! Hell murders even know this folks? A simple task right? Yet, time and time again marriages have ended badly because of them. Tiger Woods, Tony Parker, the list goes on and on.

Finally. Would you ever be able to forgive someone who cheated on you? Perhaps we all could in time, but would you allow the relationship (and your partner) another chance and try to make things work? Personally for me, the answer would be: NO! I do think of myself as a judgmental and unforgiving person however, trust is incredibly significant to me. If something like that were to ever happened to me, I don’t think I could ever trust that person again. Not to mention the fact that if I tried to work it out, it would change me. I would become the kind of person that I would hate, and that would not be fair to either of us – much less the relationship. Our love wouldn’t stand a chance. I would second guess every word, every gesture, every phone conversation and every email to think the worst. I just couldn’t live that way.

Many thanks to all my readers and for all your emails on this topic! It is truly sad that something so hurtful and negative gets such hype.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Are Your Lips Sealed?


I heard a radio station announcer speaking on the topic of relationships today. The main question regarding it was: If you saw someone you knew cheating on their mate, would you feel the need to go and tell the party being cheated on or not? The topic (for obvious reasons) generated a complete frenzy around it and the buzz trickled down into deeper waters, as the program continued. It got me thinking about how a topic like “cheating” has become so complacent in today’s society.

There was a time when one person having an affair or a fling on another was intolerable. These days however, more and more people seem to feel that it’s not such a big deal anymore. Are we as a society becoming “ok” with the idea of having affairs? Are men and women simply choosing to accept the fact that it happens every day and that we shouldn’t make such a big deal about it? Sadly, I think we are. The more I look around the more I can see that monogamy is truly a thing of the past for most people. It’s almost as if people are “comfortable” with the whole idea nowadays.

I must admit that I too have changed my views on the subject somewhat as well. Now please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying here. I don’t believe its right, never have and never will. However, I seem to find myself being empathetic with the circumstances that surround it all. From all that I have seen and heard I can honestly say that there seems to be a lot of neglect and disrespect between men and women who are in relationships these days.

Can we honestly judge others for their actions, especially without waking a day within their shoes? Definitely not! Yet, I think it’s incredibly sad that we as human beings give up on one another so quickly. I can appreciate the fact that a decision to cheat doesn’t happen over night. Rather it manifests itself from an overwhelming cycle of thoughts and then projects itself forth. Still, I honestly think that with some hard work it could all be avoided.

Why do people cheat?

Simply put, because they are not being fulfilled in every way they need to be, with the individual they are with. That’s it folks! There is no intricate equation or puzzle that needs to be solved – It’s that cut and dry. If we are not desired (mind, body and soul) with those we have picked to love and love us back in return, sooner or later we will go out and find another who will.

In Maslow’s theory of human needs, he explains that all human beings have a hierarchy of needs. The psychologies of these needs are illustrated in a pyramid formula, with the most fundamental of human needs being at the bottom. Sex is listed as one of the highest need a human being can have. The need for it is great. Many great minds after Maslow, not only agreed with this theory, but strongly suggests that the basic human needs must be met before any individual can desire to move on to the next level of fundamental needs.

Therefore, for the sake of conversation, why should an individual who is being denied sex by their partner not have every right to go out and fulfill that need elsewhere? Why is it ok to be mistreated and be continuously neglected by your lover, but it is not “socially acceptable” to make yourself happy? It’s all relative to a degree. Yet, once again, I don’t condone cheating at all. I think it’s unfair to all parties involved. I believe that the only way to resolve these types of issues within a relationship is through communication.

Talk about it! If you cannot come to terms with or agree upon continuing the relationship then it’s probably a good indication that it should end. Again, I do realize what I am saying here. It’s easier said than done, I get it. So I can only assume that for most, it’s easier to have a meaningless affair than it is to end a relationship. It’s easier to hurt, disrespect and lie to the one another, than it is to compromise your relationship. Does that really even make sense? In a perfect world, I suppose we can answer a big fat “HELL NO” to this question. Yet, in a shady world of grey (that we all seem to live in these days) the answer is not quite that simple!

So I pose the question again: If you saw someone you knew cheating on their mate, would you feel the need to go and tell the party being cheated on or not?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Naming Your Parts

After a truly comical conversation I had with friends recently, I felt the need to explore it further with all of you. So here it is:

Do most men and women name their sexual body parts and if so, why?

After much discussion on the topic with friends and colleagues around the water cooler, it seems that most people do this. Not only have they named their parts, but it gets reviewed after some time and can possibly change. In fact, it is very common for a man to change the name he gives his penis 5 times in a life time. Here I thought changing careers so much in a person’s life span was creative. 

So why do we do this exactly? Does it all stem from our egos or does it go much deeper than that?

When it comes to sexuality and matters of the heart, we as human beings tend to personalize their affections and “lay claim” to their territory – which may also equate to their partners as well. Psychologically there are many different underlying reasons as to why we do such things.

Being a woman, I can only comment on my own experiences on the subject. In the past if I have ever “nick-named” my sexual body parts it was done to be flirty and to feel sexy. I’ve done it because I have always personally hated the actual names given to these parts of the anatomy. It was all done in fun and mainly referred to with other woman. It wasn’t until my late 20’s that I ever told another man what my “fun name” was. During an intimate conversation, I actually said the name aloud-ever so nonchalantly. I immediately turned red and felt incredibly embarrassed that I had actually said it. However, the response was quite favourable and from that day on I referenced it more frequently with confidence. I believe that when a woman does this it’s done to be playful.

On the other side of the spectrum: A man will do it to illustrate power and masculinity. Some may possibly believe that it exudes dominance and ego. After some extensive conversation with men on the topic I can tell you that this is the case.

Most men will name their penis because they feel as though it is a separate entity and has a mind all its own. (How true that is) Clinically this can also be referred to as: A split mind disorder. The names which are sometimes used to describe the male body part seldom do make any kind of sense whatsoever. It will however, have everything to do with the height of their own egos coming through. For men it has gone beyond naming their penis. Today, men have names for almost every part of their anatomy that illustrates their manhood or physical power. They will also name their biceps, their thighs, calves, butt and lips as well. Again this is mainly done to illustrate power and to exude their sexuality.

Whatever your reasons may be, you are certainly not alone. Statistically it is said that 1 in 3 men and 1 in 10 women have done this in their lifetime.

To end on a comical note, here are some of the more common names each gender has used:

Commonly Used Nick Names (By Women) For The Female Vagina:
Honey Suckle
Honey Hole
Hidden Treasure
Cha Cha

Commonly Used Nick Names (By Men) For The Male Penis:
Sergeant Sam
The German Solider
Magnificent 7
The Drill Bit
Dirty Harry
The Love Missal
The Rock
The Big Gun
Mini Me
Mister Mister
The Love Arrow
Triple P
Pistol Pete
The Situation ( Due to the Jersey Shore Hype)

Monday, November 15, 2010

With This Ring...

My best friend and I decided to browse engagement rings over the weekend.

She has met the man of her dreams and they have decided to walk the journey of life together.

I can honestly say that I have never done such a thing before in my life: “Ring Shop”
I always assumed this little ritual was something that men do with other men, and that women had very little to do with it.  However, much to my surprise, there was an equal ratio of women to men in the store.
Naturally, I am well aware of the fact that some women do pick out their own rings (for whatever reason) however, I still find this to be quite taboo.

I had often wondered what kind of feelings or emotions men go through when doing something like this.
I suppose this is why I found myself incredibly drawn to a particular guy in the store that day.

I watched him as he looked at (what seemed to be) endless glass cases in the store- all easily displaying approximately 50 – 100 rings per case. I was completely overwhelmed, so I can almost imagine what he must have been thinking. Yet, somehow he was calm. He looked at each ring intently, trying to find the perfect ring for his incredible lady. She must be, because with each ring the salesman suggested his reply was simply: “No, no, she is much too special to me and the ring must be equally so”. I believe my heart melted at that very moment. Then, he found it! The most precious stone, in the most perfect setting, for the most incredible woman who owns his heart. I swear he looked overjoyed. Like a kid at Christmas. I found myself smiling from ear to ear and was truly happy for him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I have witnessed romantic gestures before, but never one where the other individual it was meant for was absent. I’m really happy I got a chance to see something like that. It gave me hope for romance in my own life.

In the same breath a thought came over me, and wondered if most men feel that way when looking for an engagement ring. Are they all as excited as the man in my store was? Somehow, I doubt it. I can appreciate that it is a very involved and un-nerving process for most. That somewhere in the midst of it all the romantic appeal has been lost for many men.

Gentleman, I can not speak for all women, but allow this one to have your ear for just a moment. When taking that step in your relationship remember one thing. She loves you, no matter what. So try not to get lost in the hype of cut, clarity and size. It’s a symbol of your love – yes, but keep in mind that it shouldn’t ever be a dollar symbol. Make it a romantic and beautiful experience for you both.

Secondly, I realize that this is one of the biggest decisions that any man will make in his life, but please just relax. Don’t take her with you and ask her to pick out a ring of her choice, and certainly don’t ask her to describe it for you. This is your moment to shine, to show her just how romantic you can be. Do it all on your own and for God sake’s surprise her. If you don’t you are denying yourself a once in a life time opportunity to show her just how thoughtful and romantic you can really be. Again, its “crazy scary” to go this route, but definitely worth the efforts, I assure you! Just imagine the look on her face. It’s truly a moment you will both never forget – not to mention it will make for a great story with family and friends later.

Don’t be consumed with feelings of fear on whether or not she will love it. She will, If for no other reason than because he cared enough to make it a special and loving moment just for the two of you.

To the man in the store:  Thank you for making me remember that romance still does exist.  Congratulations!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

I don't think I'm ready to grow up, nor will I ever be. 

I'm not ready to be responsible and sensible every day. 
I'm not ready to drive by a night club and think that I am not in my 20's anymore, so therefore too old to drop in.
I'm not ready to walk down the street on a snowy day and not try to catch snowflakes on my tongue.
I'm not ready to stop jumping in puddles.
I'm not ready to run out of the rain, afriad of getting wet.  I'd rather dance in it.
I'm not ready to stop wanting to fall in love with different people, each and every day.
I'm not ready to allow a boring day to be made up of sole sitting around and watching TV all day.
I'm not ready to stop running wild in the streets with my girlfriends, looking for the next line of mischief we can get ourselves into.
I'm not ready to go to bed at a decent hour, so that I can always feel rested.
I'm not ready to live a boring mundane life.
I'm not ready to just accept my fate, because the universe says there's no other way.
I'm not ready to conform my mind, body or spirit to what society deems acceptable.
I'm not ready to live for others while I allow myself to die inside.
I'm not ready to stop dreaming
I'm not ready to accept what others think I should be, nor am I ready to care.
I'm not ready to be Love's suicide or life's concubine.
I'm not ready to just sit here in this life and be the good, tame and wholesome.
I'm not ready to hate others, because they are not like me.
I'm not ready to sit back and watch others do stupid things, because it's impolite to speak up.
I'm not ready to sit idly by and not have a voice of my own.

I'm not ready to die, nor will I ever be....

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I did something awful today.  I judged someone for no reason.  Now, I know what you are all thinking right about now:  "We all judge people Gia, it's a natural part of being human".  Well I make a conscious effort not to do that to anyone.  I have practised this for the better part of my life. Don't get me wrong.  I've been guilty of it in the past.  I don't do it often, but I've had my moments. Today, I had one of those moments.  I actually felt truly guilty about it the better part of the day, until I approached this individual later on and apologized.  I love watching anothers expression when they have absolutely no idea what the hell you're talking about.  It's truly comical. 

I really began focusing on how I treated people after being involved in a behavioural workshop in 2006.
I heard a story I have never forgotten and find that I make reference to it a lot.  It was an incident which happened to Mr. Stephen R. Covey, on his way home from work:

Mr. Covey was on a subway train, one late afternoon, making his way home.  He was enjoying the daily paper (and some peace and quiet) after what was a crazy day at the office.  When all of the sudden, the train pulls into the station and in come four noisy kids-along with their father. 

At first, Mr. Covey tried his best to ignore them, but after 15 minutes of continual loudness he just couldn't take it anymore.  He tried making eye contact with the parent of these children (where his face would do all the talking needed) but the father seemed to be oblivious to what was going on around him. He was starring at his children, but the blank look on his face clearly stated that he was in a world of his own. 

Suddenly, Mr. Covey got up from his seat and went over to the father.  "Excuse me", he said.  " Can you please grab a hold of your children and tell them to settle down?  Some of us are trying to enjoy the ride home in some kind of peacefulness"  It took the father a bit of time to register what was happening, but then looked at Mr. Convey and said:  " Yeah, they are carrying on aren't they?  I know I should tell them to stop, but we just left the hospital and the boys lost their Mother only moments ago.  They took it pretty hard and I think that this is just their way of digesting what's just happened to them.  So I don't have the heart to keep them quiet, not now" 

It was Mr. Covey's turn to wear the blank face.  As he turned around in silence and made his way back to his seat, he felt an incredible amount of guilt wash over him.  He chose to pass judgment on someone because of what he saw in front of him.  Not realizing that there was an underlying reason which caused the effect. 

Simple isn't it?  Yet we seldom apply it in ever day life.  It is much easier to ridicule and pass judgement on someone than it is to appreciate/understand that there could be much more to the scene than what we see.

I carry that story with me every day.  It helps me to be compassionate and sensitive toward others.  There will be times when I will slip and fall from grace, but when I do I know that Covey's lesson will lift me back up to a place where I belong. 

 “Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.  We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions"
... Stephen R. Covey