Monday, May 31, 2010

Once..I Stood Alone

What I sought was one strong man,
To test the boundaries of this world
Someone who would stand here with me
All the way to heaven

To laugh and live and smile with each day
The man I sought would help me breath
And keep me up when I am weak
Helping me find whatever it is I seek

To make my world colourful
Taking my heart and mind to places of unconscious bonds
I've never seen nor heard
His touch, his eyes speaking volumes of his affection
Without truly saying a word

Telling me in only ways he can
That he will re write my love song
And catch my every tear
That in his embrace I have nothing to fear
What I wish to say to him is simple and clear
Take a chance and you will see
That what you seek begins with me

So take my hand and we shall walk
To see all life's treasures and adventures too
So let's walk together, side by side
And experience together this enchanted ride
You with me, and me with you
We will never dream for something new.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

An Extraordinary Life

I remember a time when life was easier
A time when there were no cares or responsibilities
And reasons to be mature A simple time to live
When days were filled with sunshine and laughter
Where no matter what happened your attention to something was more than enough to give
Why is it that when we're 10 we wish to be 20
And when we're 40 we wish to be 16 again
I wish I knew then what I know now
That is that all the time we are given is plenty
To create happiness and make amends
All the days of our lives
And to know that all our hardships and tribulations
Will make us strong in the end
So let us live with happiness and sorrows but no regrets
For the time to be alive is NOW
Dream your dreams and make them shine
And be sure to leave smiles, not frowns on the faces of those you've met
For these are the rules of living an extraordinary life

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Memories..Of A Heartfelt Goodbye..


I never thought in all my life that I would ever have to sit here and create a poem of thoughts like this. Swirling around ideas of a life lost so young. Sadly, today here I sit; eyes filled with tears, trying to think of words that I could write that would possibly bring any kind of justice to this life that has been lost so that in some way this evil pain within my chest can somehow ease itself away. Yet, in a time like this, what words could ever be spoken that could ever undue all we feel? No one really.... but I will try nevertheless...

Little Baby Jack, even though we (your family) were robbed of the pleasure of truly knowing you as we should have, we just wanted you to know that you were loved so much nevertheless. This was suppose to be a time of joy, a time when we should have been fussing over whose turn it was to hold you, feed you and make you smile. Instead that time has now been turned into one of mourning....a time of loss.... and a time of tears.

Although there will someday come a time when our hearts will be mended, when the pain will subside enough to allow the memory of you to comfort us instead of pain us with sorrow - you will always be missed, forever loved and never ever forgotten.

If I could ask one small thing of you little angel it would be this: to watch over your twin brother Julian from Heaven. Be his heart - resilient and strong - when his is weak and broken, be his eyes when his cannot see things clearly, be his strength when he has none, bless and keep him safe in times when he thinks he is invincible, love him most when he hates himself, be there to carry him when he can no longer walk.

But most importantly be his wings in times when he believes he can never fly. Someday (decades from now we bless upon him) there will come a day when Julian too will be called by God to leave this world.....let it be you that accompanies him to Heaven upon your Angel wings, for there is no stronger union then the love of two brothers finally walking home together". R.I.P. Baby Jack.... you are finally free...

Sweet little Angel
Where have you gone?
Without you here
How can we ever go on?
How could this have happened?
When did it all go wrong?
How were we ever to know
That in less than a year you would be gone
We will never know your smile
Never know your laugh
Until the day we meet in Heaven
Will this sorrow pass?
We were suppose to be your protectors
And keep you from death's door
But now you will watch over us from Heaven
As God's little Angel forever more
Even though our time with you was little
And we wished so much for you to stay
You are forever etched upon our hearts
The love we created together will never fade away

~ Dedicated In The Memory Of Jack ~

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


In today's society it seems that there are many more individuals who are single than those who are within relationships. We claim that the reason for this is that today we stay single longer because we search and search for our “perfect match mates” rather than just being with someone for the sake of not being alone. But are we just being way too picky in what we want and what we simply will not tolerate? Most of our “attached” friends / family members would shout “YES”!!!

So what is it that constitutes “just settling” for someone?

What for that matter is it that makes another perfect for each of us?

For many it’s the sheer fact that they are not willing to settle for anything less than what is on their “laundry list” of ideals for the opposite sex. So with this being said: I decided to randomly interview and survey both male and female genders who are currently single or “serial dating”, and asked them varied questions. The questions touched areas of: Appearances, Income, Age and Education.

For some it’s all about appearances. They must meet a certain status quo criteria in order for another to be initially interested in them whatsoever. Thanks to the media, it is quite safe to say that those of us who do not meet model standards (male and female alike) are much more likely to not date as often as those who do. If you talk to men they will be much more inclined to just "tell it like it is" when it comes to this subject than women will ever care to admit. Nevertheless, like it or not “looks” play a major role in choosing a mate. Not truly convinced? Alright, then let’s take some examples shall we:

Going back to my survey the questions asked on the subject were as follows:

· Would you ever date someone who is taller than you?

All women surveyed answered yes, as long as their male counterparts did not exceed 6 ft 3 inches, they would be open to dating them

Men, on they other hand stated different opinions.

60% of men stated that they would while 40% said that they were uncomfortable with the idea of a lady exceeding them in height. “It’s just not gonna look right that’s all” said a 25 year old single man from Toronto. “Men are suppose to be taller, that’s just how it should be”

· Would you ever date someone who was overweight or substantially thinner than you?

49% of women surveyed said they would not, while 51% said that they would have no issue with this at all. “I like my men stalky”,said a 35 year old woman from Newmarket, Ontario. While others opinions where: “I would never date a fat man, ever! I do so much to make sure that I look and feel great and having someone in my life that is not willing to do the same well…that’s not acceptable to me”, said a single Mom aged 37, from Toronto.

73% of men shared in her views, while the remaining 27% disagreed stating that they found a woman with a voluptuous figures more appealing than someone who was thin. Women also touched upon areas such as: baldness, excessive body hair and poor hygiene as other “no no’s” as well.

As for men, the majority ruled that as long as the woman had a beautiful face the rest was “workable”

Therefore, I think the numbers speak for themselves. Appearances are much more important to all of us when it comes to picking the “final mate” Perhaps more than anyone cares to admit. We can deny the obvious all we want but the fact still remains that physical attractiveness is a curial bargaining tool. Whether it is argued on a health standpoint or just simply on the grounds of “looking good” being thin and fit is an attribute that most people want in another.

While some are hung up on looks, others agree that income and education are more important when thinking about spending your life with someone.

“Having that sense of security and stability for the long term is something more tangible today than having a Fabio on your arm”: says a 27 year old single woman from Barrie.

She argued that everything physical it fades in time but a degree was for a lifetime. We can all agree that in times such as these, with our cost of living being what it is and climbing, financial stability is a somewhat scary issue for most of us. Times of the single income household are well over and today the survival rate of two income families making a mere $30,000.00 per year is questionable in terms of just getting by.

“I don’t want a girl who’s going to ride my coat tails. If these girls want a sugar daddy they can look elsewhere cuz I’m NOT adopting” said: a single 31 year old telecommunications Manager from Thornhill.

So for many, when it comes to picking a mate for the long haul, some say that they would much rather be with someone who is educated with a good paying job above all else.

Finally, we come to the long awaited topic of age.
With the incredible hype nowadays with older women dating younger men, the tables of once upon a time have sure turned in a woman’s favor. More and more woman today are not afraid to date younger men or care what others think about it. Once again, thanks to the media and celebrities alike it has now been declared “socially acceptable” for this to occur. Perhaps it’s about time and long overdue. After all men have been doing it for ages without remorse or much ridicule so why not!!! Those I surveyed and interviewed had much the same to say on the subject as well. Some men and women’s opinions naturally varied on the subject as well stating that it was just not right to date someone much older or younger. Various reasons being: having children, medical reasoning, life expectancy and maturity levels.

I suppose that we are all different on many different levels but when it comes to relationships most of us stand on common ground. That is that we are all looking for our own interpretation of perfection. Could our “attached” friends be right? Is this the very reason why we are single? It could very well be who knows. But as human beings we are who we are and stay true to our beliefs, whatever they may be. To say who is right or wrong in this argument is questionable. For how can you tell someone that what they feel or think is wrong?

Myself, I truly believe that a true union between two people is a state two beings, two minds and two souls coming together in a collaborated effort to become one. Now keep in mind that this is not a process that happens overnight, but rather one that blossoms and comes with time. As individuals we are forever growing. It is a natural state to be in. It’s a psychological perception within every living thing. If we don’t grow we die and I believe that this can also be said about men/women and how we relate to one another. Finding the right individual for you takes time and growth. Growth with yourself as an individual unit and growth within your environment.

If we cannot truly grasp and understand who we are then how can we ever come to know what we truly need in our lives to make us happy? A relationship is never an exact science. There aren’t any rule books as many would like to think, but there can be a formula for a successful one. A formula that only we can create for ourselves; because we are all uniquely created and therefore what we truly crave only we can know.

Growing up I too had succumb to lists of what I believed my perfect love would be like, look like, and act like. But only as I grew older and truly experienced different things with different people was I able to really understand what was important to me; what I needed to truly be happy. I could just sat around and wrote my "laundry list" about what I was looking for or of the qualities he should possess but thankfully I came to realize that checking things off of a list would not bring me any closer to finding that amazing love. It's about being pleasantly surprised about what my "package of love" would look like once it arrived. What wonderful qualities he would bring to my life in compliment of it. The excitement in "getting to know" someone is a feeling you cannot beat. After all, as the saying goes: "No one is perfect until somebody loves them”

Monday, May 17, 2010


For some reason I had thoughts about The Virginia Tech High school this morning. At first I could not exactly place my feelings or why it was on my mind this morning as I was getting ready for work. Thoughts of the massacre that occurred within their walls only a few years ago. Since the feelings continued to consume me for the remainder of the morning, I began to question when the event actually occurred. So I looked it up and there it was in black and white. April 17, 2007. Today is May 17th.

The anniversary was only a month ago. At that moment, it became clear why the thoughts of that day were swirling around in my head. That and thoughts that someday, my little nephew would begin school. The days of "feeling safe in your school" are long gone and it will only get worse as the decades move on. I become quite anxious thinking about the day he begins junior high and then high school. What will the world be like then? What will the school systems be like then? Suddenly, two words come to mind: "HOME SCHOOLING"

I never want to know that what happened at Virginia Tech, will ever happen again. Yet, it has...and it does, all over the world. I cannot even imagine what those people went through - and I never care to find out either.

I wrote a short poem, in honor of their memory on that day...

A place of laughter
A time of smiles
Has now been silenced and replaced with long lines of single files
We stand in mourning to say goodbye by candlelight
To all the ones we will forever adore and now miss, with all our might

I know they say that in time tears do dry, hearts will mend and even hurt will pass
Yet right now it feels like this can never be so
For how can the pain ever subside? How will we ever let go
Will we ever escape the sadness and terror of this day
The memory and pain etched in our heats that seems will forever stay

Let us pray in silence for the ones forever gone
And hope that in the midst of the last moments they spend in horror
That God made their journey to Heaven upon
The wings of his Angels steady and fast
So that their laughter and smiles this time will always last

" In Memory of Lives Lost and Hearts in Pain from the Virginia Tech Massacre"

Monday, April, 16, 2007

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Thief Of Hearts

Games played by thieves of hearts

They blind you with their words

Gaining entrance to your soul

Toying with situations that will tear your world apart
This is their job

Their sole mission in life

Manipulating every thought in such a perfect way

So it's effects can slice through your heart like a knife

Working their sorcery that we see as goodness

Blinded by all that is bewitching

Never being quite aware of their motives

In the blink of an eye all is unveiled

Revealing their true colours

To what was once a world of beautiful madness

Has now become a hollow sadness

To what do I owe this auspicious occasion

How could I have been so blind

To have allowed my heart to open in such a treasonous manner

Fooled by a thief who had no intention of forever

And no possible conception of what love is

But that is the intention of the thief of hearts

Who plays their game with no conscience

Looking for a willing soul, who still believes in a fairy tale

Making a mockery of what is real and pure

Bringing an ailment that will wither and rot the truest heart

Embedding within it a disease, that time must try and cure.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Love In Vain

I wonder what it is you see when you look into my eyes.
Do you believe that it is fate that brought you here
Or is the reason for your presence masked in disguise

Do you believe me when I tell you that everything is fine
When I turn away from you, claiming that the tears you see are caused by the wind and not your words
Tell me, am I being unkind

Is it fair that I feel as though you can live without me
Easily and freely without care or pain
That our love story is merely a hoax
A play acted out by two people too afraid to speak the truth
Fearful of uttering aloud that maybe we just weren't meant to be

At times I am filled with such emptiness and all I wish for is happiness
I have so much love for you, but something holds my heart back
Because of all those times of showing you without reaction has left me anxious

I really wanted you to be the one to re-write my love song
One that doesn't end in heartache and tears
The truth is I do believe you are him, but it's taking too long for you to walk the line
But still my soul screams for me to wait and keep strong

I wish I knew what to do To make my life mean more to you
For I can only be who I am, and that is me
All you are is all I ever wanted
So why is this so hard for you to see

Monday, May 10, 2010

Ode To My Mother

Dear Mom,

I would never have imagined that my life would come to be all that it has been. At times I feel so incredibly fortunate and other times I feel as though I have been left behind - never truly knowing where my place is within this life. But the one thing I always feel, no matter the circumstances is blessed.

I am blessed because of your love for me. A love that you have nurtured and I have watched grow all the days of my life. There have been times when I have been anything but deserving of it and yet in those times you gave more than ever.

You have always been the one to push me to be all I have ever wanted to be. Without you my dreams would never be fulfilled.... my well of promise always dry. You never allow me to lay down and die, where at times that is truly all I ever wanted to do.
You have always refused life's punishments set upon me and made it known to me, God and the Universe that my fate has been and always will be ONLY UP TO ME... no matter how hard the journey is ahead.
You taught me that no one can or will ever own the definition of who I am.... because only I am the owner of my heart!!! You have always asked for nothing but the best of me and it is because of that I have always wanted better for myself in turn.

Today I tell you and the world that I love you more than my silly words could ever possibly put into meaning. Yet nevertheless you love them all the same. Always know that I am who I am.....because you made me!


~ Love Always

Your Daughter ~

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Live...While You're Alive!

Why is it that it always takes someone passing away or becoming gravely ill to make us realize just how precious our lives are?

Any other day we go through life with the same damn mask on..... Same binders over our eyes. All we do as a society is worry about our bills, whether or not we can make the rent this month, trying to grab some overtime at work, whenever possible, just to get ahead of the game a little. But ahead of WHAT???? Someone please explain this to me!

We spend our whole lives killing ourselves to make money, rushing to and from the rat race, forgetting about the little things along the way. What good is it? Where does it really get us? Crazy, Frustrated and Sick that's what!

We use our time here so unwisely...we all know this; it is not my Tuesday evening discovery, this I know. We take everything and everyone us for granted. Never making time for those people or things in our lives that truly matter or are important. WHY?

Because we spend it all on stuff that doesn't mean a damn thing at all. Hurting and using people along the way and the rest of us... allowing ourselves to be used, cheated and hurt.We all wish there was more time in the day to get it all done.... to make more moments count. But what we don't see is that there is time. The Bible says so. "There is a time and place for everything under Heaven" So it is written, so it must be right? We just don't use it effectively.

What I'm trying to say here is that the time to look at our lives is NOW! The time to make changes is NOW! The time to find happiness, freedom and love is NOW! Don't wait till you're on your deathbed to look back in despair and regret upon your life. Take that damn trip. Buy that new skirt. Why kill yourself to afford a $400,000.00 home when you can be as equally content renting a shabby one bedroom apartment that is clearly way too small, way too dark and way too damp......but realizing its ok because you're happy just being there with the person you love to snuggle with when it does get too cold...too dark! Take the chance and let that person you've been eyeing or flirting with for months know that their very smile or giggle rock your heart in ways you've never known. You may be surprised to know they feel the EXACT same way. OR... they don't and laugh at your efforts. But so what? Who cares? At least you were man/woman enough to go after what you wanted in that moment in time.

No one can condemn you for living......for trying to be capture and grasp the REAL reason we should all have for being here....for being alive. That my friends should be to capture as much happiness in one day, in one moment, in one life time as we possibly can. So do it before it's too late. To say my life has been easy-NO but it has been very fruitful just the same. No matter how hard the road, how difficult the journey, how poor in riches I am, I know one thing......that I am HAPPY right here, right now for being allowed the chance to laugh, to cry, to love, to learn...... BUT to never regret who I am..... Everyday of my life.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Influencing A Life

Do we ever really know the children around us? This question has been swirling around in my brain for some time now. Not that I am surprised, what with all that is going on in this world surrounding them. Stories of past and present day burning a hole through my very existence.

Although so many horrific events happen, do we truly learn anything from them as a society as we should, or do we merely say: "What a tragedy" and forget? Do we remember the Columbine High shooting in 1999? Do you remember the Erfurt Massacre shooting in 2002? The Dawson College shooting in 2006? The Winnenden school shooting in 2009? Or other horrific events such as the Paul Bernardo/Karla Homolka Serial Killer/Rapist team in 1993? Perhaps those wounds have healed for us as a society but sadly there are always other events to take their place.

What stands out in my mind beyond all other things is the fact that most of these events were committed by young adults. Some of them merely children. I think to myself how alone and painful their lives must have been for not to see the beauty of this world. Their dreams and happiness possibly taken from them in early childhood settings (the stage for a later destruction). For if your heart and soul is manipulated and destroyed then it shadows an even darker future.

So why do some of us rise above it all and others to weak to truly "live" regardless of the pain? Are we all merely products of our environment? If so, then why do some not allow that environment (regardless how dark) define who they become? Was there no one there to instill such a rule in their simple little minds at one time? "Aye, there must be the rub" Not all are that fortunate!

If there was only someone to believe in who they were at an early age. Someone they could truly believe in, in return. Someone who could help them defy all odds and remind them of who they were as individuals and that we are all possible of greatness. Perhaps their strength in themselves would have been heightened. Their level of "love for themselves" incredible. If only someone taught them how truly important it was to dream your dreams, them maybe, just maybe some of the madness inside their soul could have died.

I too look around at my life sometimes (because we all give into the melancholy every now and then) and think..."how did I get here"? Why did I get here? Lessons or reasoning for things happening are not always evident or clear as they are occurring, but if you're lucky... somewhere down the road you truly do appreciate and understand why "all the madness" happened as and when it did. I'm there now... At times I truly don't know where my strength comes from. Many have commented on the sense of strength that I have portrayed during frugal and trying times in my life, and yet I think most days, that I am the weakest individual who ever existed. Other days, I can appreciate and sometimes even acknowledge my strengths also.

I love dreaming... I learned how at a very young age. It was as though even at that age I knew my life would be filled with many hardships. Ironic really. I remember dreaming of something as silly as " getting through one whole day without crying" as close as only 5 years ago. A silly dream to many but one I had to really work at to make come true.

I am truly blessed to be surrounded by incredible people in my life. A group of loyal family and friends that love and respect me. Individuals who may not always understand my dreams but honour them nonetheless. To all of you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

If I could have but one wish it would be that everyone born under the sky always knows the love and support of another in their lives. I cannot emphasis enough the incredible effect it can have. So tell someone today how very proud you are of them and how truly happy you are to have them in your life. The light you will ignite will have no bounds and who knows; you may be saving lives in the interim.