Monday, December 31, 2012


Well, it’s almost time for 2012’s exit and 2013’s arrival.

It’s crazy how quickly a year can fly by.

Although this year has literally kicked my ass, I’m thankful for all the lessons it taught me along the way. After all, that’s what life is right? A series of impossible obstacles and crazy times to get through. Yet, no matter how insane your journeys can get from time to time, you cannot deny the fact that life truly is a beautiful privilege in every way – and we shoul...d consider ourselves blessed for each passing day that we are granted and considered worthy to walk this earth. Sure life may seem cruel/unfair sometimes and it will beat you to your knees if you allow it to but, we always seem to manage no matter what the odds are stacked against us. Yes, we may want, desire and crave for greater things than what we currently have and never seem to get it – but we’re always given what we need. We fail to see that.

The only thing I pray for today is for patience and calmness. Patience to see every road to its end (no matter how trying or difficult the journey) and the calmness to make each decision I need to with clarity. That things will happen in God’s time, not in mine and trust that all will be well if I allow myself to believe and be grateful.

I truly wish you all the very best adventures of your lives in 2013. May you always wear a smile – especially during times when you want to cry. May you reach higher for all it is that you desire. May you be granted peace and clarity – to get you through those days of trying miles. May you laugh as hard a child does – seeing the beauty in all things. Finally, may you always remember to keep your heart open and give compassion freely –especially to those who deserve it the least.


Saturday, December 29, 2012


A new "ME" is emerging.
I’ve been working on me for a while now.  I’m NOT who I was before.  You will find that I’m very different – certainly not the girl you knew a while ago.  I had to go searching for the soul I lost.  I had to get my strength and heart back – God knows it’s worth it, no matter the cost.  I finally found the one thing I needed to be free.  I found the “ME” I was always supposed to be.

Lord knows this journey wasn’t easy and it took a long time to arrive here.  It took a brave girl to fight through all her excuses, lies and pain to make her destiny clear. 

So, look closely if you must, but I promise you, you will not see the girl you once did standing here.  The innocence is gone.  I talk louder, I speak stronger, I walk with purpose and poise.  The new “ME” won’t let you walk away when you’re wrong; with my heart in your hands.   You can beg, scream and cry if you want - but I'm done with all that noise.

I’m finally free.  Free to be just me.  I found the reason of why I was meant to be.  This emancipation isn’t for you in any way.  So I don’t need your “I’m Sorry’s” or your “I’m So Proud Of You’s” Because I’m just not interested in anything you have to say.  I may have believed that I needed your approval or opinion in the past – but that was the old me.  The new me knows better and cares less; so don’t waste your breath. 

This me is young, vibrant, brave and free – and knows that I’m perfect just being me.

{ This blog was inspired by Alicia Keys.  Her new song is my strength to continue my road to freedom.  Thank you, Alicia, for writing the national anthem to my journey}


Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas 2012

I have loved this time of year; as far back as I can remember.  I made it my most favourite a very, very long time ago.  To me, Christmas was never a season, but rather a feeling. I wanted EVERY experience in life to mirror image what I felt around this time of year.  Butterflies in my tummy all the time.  Excitement around every corner.  Always smiling and feeling so good about yourself and all those you love.  Strangers grins.  Family and friends always popin’ in.  The house filled with laughter and yummy smells.   Feeling loved all the time – and having so much of it that it poured out to others constantly.  That’s what Christmas has always meant to me, and today I wish it so for all of you!

Six months ago, I truly didn’t think I’d be around to see another Christmas much less enjoy one.  It’s funny how you come to realize just how insignificant and trivial most things are that we worry about in this world.  It’s sad that it takes SO MUCH PAIN to realize HOW MUCH HAPPINESS you possess and don’t even know it.  So this Christmas I am quite content with what I have and don’t have a real want/need for anything.  Because I’ve realized that I’ve already attained the greatest assets a person can have in one lifetime:  The truest love and support of family, fans and friends.  The one I’m working on (and it gets stronger with each passing day) is my health.  What more could anyone possibly ask for?  However, for all those of you still bugging me to tell them what I’d like for Christmas this year, I’d be happy with either a fairy Godmother, a Genie or a magic wand that works with any basic command. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GIA AND THE LIFE AFX FAMILY (and yes, we say Merry Christmas not to offend others who don’t celebrate or believe in it, but to defend those who do.  After all, we don’t persecute and neither should you) Wishing you all the very best this season brings – regardless!

With that thought in mind, we would also like to take this time and opportunity to send thanks, blessings and prayers to ALL the men and women who are serving our country each day and are giving up their Christmas with their loved ones, so that we can be with ours.  GOD BLESS THE JOB AND HEART YOU ALL HAVE THAT ALLOWS YOU THE STRENGTH AND COURAGE TO DO WHAT YOU DO FOR US – EVERYDAY!!

Monday, December 17, 2012


 I think I speak for everyone when I say that the pursuit of happiness is something most of us strive for within this journey we call “life”.  However, going a step further with this thought would mean that you would have to sit down and map out what that “happiness” would consist of for you.  It would mean that you would have to dare yourself to dream of going after what you most want in this world.

For most, a pursuit of a dream or passion is merely that – a dream.  Yet, for some of us, it becomes the very essence of which we are, the reason we breathe and the only explanation of why we exist. 

Pursuing a dream is never easy.  Having a raw passion for something not only takes time but an exuberant amount of courage, diligence and sacrifice.  Living out your calling is not for the faint at heart.  Its’ journey can leave you utterly broken.  Yet, you know that there truly is no other way you want to live your life, than to live it doing what you love.  It’s worth every commitment you will ever ask of yourself. 

Every now and again, you come across individuals who are so incredibly passionate about their dreams that their pursuit of them is truly something magical to watch.  The energy itself – hypnotic!  This is especially true of the man I wish to now introduce to all of you:

His name is Lucas De Marco – otherwise known as:  “BOX OF LUCA”

Lucas De Marco is one of Toronto’s hottest rising talents.  He is already making a name for himself in the genre of House and Electronic music (EDM). This man is a true star in his own right.

Lucas discovered his love for music as a young child, banging on a toy drum set in his parent’s basement, in North York, Ontario.  A passion for drums led him to starting his own rock band.  During that time he came to develop a deep desire for wanting his band to record their own music.  Lucas, being more computer and technologically savvy began to find ways to make this happen.  As he began dabbling more and more in the production area, he also started investigating something referred to as: “Gaming Techno”, which allowed him to create his very own unique sounds - thus, giving birth to BOX OF LUCA.

Now 18 years old, this musical prodigy is more than a DJ or your typical “run of the mill” music producer.  He is a creator of music with his very own unique sound that can be instantly recognized within the music industry. 

 LIFE AFX decided to catch up with Lucas De Marco, for an “Intimate and Interactive” session on BOX OF LUCA.  We thought that the world should know what his fans already do.  That his sound is transitioning the likes of House and Electronic music every day – gaining notoriety as one of the most upfront house music producers, known for his unique underground style of house music.  This is what he had to say:

 What city do you call "HOME"?

“I grew up in North York, Ontario, Canada and have lived in this area all my life. I love living in Toronto. It’s just peaceful.”

What genre of music really captivates or motivates you?

“Ambient and Scores/Classical. But I enjoy electronic music because more people can relate to it and it sort of gives this peaceful unification.”

Seeing that the world of House and EDM music is ever-evolving, what things do you do to keep your vibe fresh?

“I’m studying to write classical/scores and also learning how to conduct. But I’m always learning new things whether it be a new way to make a sound or a better way to master a track. I believe I will always be a student to music.”

What is Box Of Luca trying to accomplish?

“All I really want is to make people happy with my music. I’m enjoying this journey, and the last thing I want to do is lose emotion in my music. Although I wish to be on stage in front of thousands of people (like many other electronic musicians) I only really want to bring emotion into people’s lives. Whether it is a smile or a tear, I would be happy. Music has always gotten me through tough times, and if my music would be able to heal someone I would be able to die happy.”

 Who are your influences in the music business?

“The funny thing about my influences is that they are always changing. I’m always being influenced by certain artist whether it is by their sound or their business plan, for example. But if I had to pick an artist it would have to be Joel Zimmerman (deadmau5). That is based on the fact that he is super real about everything. He has kept his style since 97’. Obviously times change and so does sound but he has always made music he likes and that’s what has made him successful. He is on par with branding which a lot of people don’t understand. He is probably the best role model to look up to because he is super successful in the business aspect of things and he’s amazingly talented as a musician.  It just makes sense.  I can’t tell you that no one else is up there with him as my influences but he is surely the top one –an absolute idol in my eyes. Recently I have been looking up to Imogen Heap as well. I feel she is honestly one of the last true “Artists” out there. She truly tries to keep everything for the music which is unbelievably hard when you are inside the music industry. She is real, and 95% of people in the music industry are not. That’s why I give her an immense amount of respect.”

This original sound creation and video, by Box Of Luca features a cameo appearance by:  Deadmau5.  Be sure to watch the video AND... the reaction that Deadmau5 had after he, himself viewed it for the first time.  Totally epic!!!

When did you realize what you wanted to do with the rest of your life?

“As far as I can remember I always knew I had wanted to something with music. At the age of 9, I got my first drum kit, since then things had fallen into place and made sense that I somewhat had a chance in this music industry. I have been a musician for most of my life. I never really had a plan for it but the more I went on I realized that it was what I wanted to do.  Music just makes sense for me.”

 If you could say anything to a "fellow artist" about following their music dream, what would it be?

“Do it for the music!  It’s easy to be trapped into these industry loop-holes. Many people will try to make you conform to what they believe the industry needs at any given time, but always remain true to you.  Never compromise on that fact-ever! You have to develop your own style and once you do you will be happy. At that point it won’t matter if you are playing in front of 50,000 people or 24.  You will be happy you are making music you like and that is what being a musician is all about. Most of all be original. If you are doing it for the money, you won’t be happy. You have to do it in a way where you can smile and be proud at the end of the day. Oh, and practice A LOT!  Don’t stop, no one’s perfect.”

 What are TWO things that you want your fans to know about you/BOX OF LUCA?

“That sounds like a question I would answer on a dating website, LOL!  All jokes aside, I just want everyone to know that I’m real and I do it for the music and no other reason (except for the obvious reason of other people enjoying my music too). Also I want people to know I’m still a student, I’m trying to learn all music styles out there. I just don’t want people to think of me as some random club music producer, I want my fans to enjoy me as an electronic musician all around.”

How can fans reach you? 

“You can always reach me at: or email me at: 

Otherwise, you can try the following:!/BoxofLuca

The fastest way to reach is by my twitter, whether you have a question or a recommendation for a song I should remix.  I do not have a residency at a club currently but when I perform I always update everyone via all my social media platforms.”

What is your favourite track/song of all time?

“That is a hard question. It would be a tie between an electronic song and a score. It’s between, “The Breaking of the Fellowship”, by Howard Shore and “ We Stood Still”,  by deadmau5 which evolved into his most famous “Strobe. “

What future projects are you working on?

“Right now I’m working on a couple of things. A few remixes here and there. I’m always working on originals as well. But I’m currently working on something that I can’t really talk about. All I can say is that it may or may not be for video games.

But like I said I am always working on music. Recently I’ve been trying to incorporate multimedia into all my works. Have it be by just adding a simple video for my songs or even designing cover art for my songs.

Also my team and I are trying to pitch to companies who work with film to give me an opportunity to write scores. So that is very exciting.”

 What do you wish to accomplish in your career?

“A lot, LOL! This sort of incorporates my answer to the first question. I want to make people happy with my music. If all goes well I can play festivals and go on for years being able to work on my music as job, and eventually writing scores. All I want to do is make music really. I don’t care if I don’t have a mansion and have to live in poverty. As long as I’m making music for a living I will be the happiest kid alive. “

There you have it folks!  A brief look at Lucas DeMarco, and BOX OF LUCA!

Lucas is currently in studio, giving birth to a Tech House EP and an EP for all of his underground Electronic creations.  He has been collaborating with different artists, producers, musicians and DJ’s to create a wide variety of sounds for his fans.  BOX OF LUCA is also setting up new tour schedules, so find him in a club near you in 2013.  Trust me; you’ll be glad you did!

I’d like to personally thank Lucas De Marco, for allowing us the opportunity to introduce both “The Man and The Sound” to our fan base; which has undoubtedly developed his own fan base further as well.  I’d also like to thank Box Of Luca and TMA Company Management Incorporated, for allowing LIFE AFX to promote his creation and sounds to the world.

We wish him well in his future endeavours.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Heaven's Light

Tonight, as I watched the night sky, I saw 20 little stars smiling back at me. They were all aligned like diamonds shinning so brightly. All knew their place and aligned so beautifully. Before this day, they knew not what their job would be this night, but now without flaw, there they are lighting up the heavens for loved ones who miss them tonight. Although your presence shall be missed here on earth, God has seated you all in the front lines of his choir along the velvety dark sky. So that you may shine your love upon those who miss you most this night and guide them in song assuring them that you’re alright!

*To all those beautiful souls whose journeys abruptly ended today, I dedicate this song, sung by a beautiful friend of mine, for all of you Angels lighting up our sky tonight. May your loved ones always hear your heavenly songs and voices in their ears – to guide them and give them the strength to live without you*

A mass shooting at a school has left a staggering death toll and a town in crisis after a gunman opened fire in Newtown, Connecticut Friday. With at least 28 dead, the Sandy Hook School Elementary shooting was worse than Columbine.
Among the dead Friday were six adults who were at the school, 20 children, the gunman and his mother.
Reporters are identifying 20-year-old Adam Lanza as the suspect. Lanza’s mother was a teacher at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
The suspect’s older brother, Ryan, was taken into police custody in Hoboken, New Jersey.

Thursday, November 22, 2012


Where do we draw the line?

I witnessed something incredibly sad the other day and felt the need to share it with all of you.

I bring attention to such things because subconsciously we are all enablers to things – whether we care to believe it or not. It’s time to stop!

A friend and I were out running errands the other day and found ourselves in a clothing store, looking at all the dazzling new merchandise that had come in for the Christmas season. Our cheerful nature was abruptly overturned when we witnessed a “Mother/Daughter argument” a few racks down from where we were standing.

The young girl (no more than 16 years of age) was holding up garments (all wide-eyed and excited) to her mother, begging her to let her try them on. The mother’s reply: “ STOP IT! You know these items will not look good on you at all” The same scenario repeated itself three more times, each ending with a negative comment from the mother to the daughter about her appearance. The girl looked so broken with each insult; but her faith was suddenly restored each time her eyes caught the attention of yet another exquisite article of clothing she would love to have.

My friend and I just shook our head, feeling sorry for the girl, remembering times when we too wanted things that our parents may have found “inappropriate” at the time. However, this was different. The mother kept on ridiculing the daughter’s body image, as they walked throughout the department store. It automatically made me think of the bullying aspect of things. “How is this any different than being bullied in a school yard by other kids?” Should we condone such behaviour because it’s a parent and their child or perhaps a teacher and a student, for example? It gave me a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The ultimate blow came a few minutes later when again the daughter picked up a gorgeous holiday dress and asked the store clerk if she could try it on in a change room. The mother came right over, yanked the garment out of her daughter’s hand and told the clerk it wouldn’t be necessary. That her daughter was “too fat” and would never look good in it. The mother then looked at her daughter and told her that she’d better start starving herself now, if she had any hope of having a nice body to fit into a dress like this. That if she didn’t “starve herself” no guy would ever have her, looking the way she did.

The clerk, my friend and I looked at one another – our jaws dropped open in utter horror. I instantly felt sick to my stomach.

The rage that consumed me at that moment is hard to explain without going into further detail about my own life, so I will leave that for another time and another blog. Needless to say, I was stunned.

The mother noticed us staring in sheer disgust of what just transpired and was not impressed! Huh.. SHE was not impressed. Imagine that?

She immediately snapped at us, firing off a few “choice words”, claiming that it was none of our business how she conducts herself with her daughter. Now, I have NEVER been one to think that way. WRONG IS WRONG, period! I know that in today’s society people are too scared or apprehensive to become involved in something that doesn’t concern them, for fear of their safety however, I simply cannot and will not live that way. I never could. So, I wasn’t about to change on this day. My friend reached out and grabbed my arm to leave, but I simply could not leave the situation without a few choice words of my own. The situation became my business when you choose to conduct yourself out loud and in public in such a way. It affected me, so I spoke up.

If you cannot / will not unconditionally love your children forever, than think twice about becoming a parent. It’s that simple! Parents should not be allowed to “bully” their children simply because they have given birth to them. No one EVER has the right to demean another’s character for any reason. It’s wrong. We as women have a difficult time in this world as it is – facing body image issues at every turn. We don’t need people that are supposed to build us up (who should be our “beckon of light” at every pass -parents/family members) rock the very foundation we stand upon. We will always encounter others in life that will – undoubtedly. That’s just not acceptable to me and it shouldn’t be to any of you either.

Every girl is Cinderella, period! Body image is crippling the world today, people. It’s one thing to strive for health and vitality. We should all live in that light however, being “skinny-obsessed” is why we have eating disorders. It’s why we punish our bodies because ours don’t cooperate and look like the ones in the magazines or like the ones the popular girls in school sport. We are measured by the numbers we are every day –especially those that appear on a scale. If the number isn’t right then no one will want us. We are not worthy of being loved. HOW INSANE IS THAT? Love by numbers. That’s what it’s boiled down to.

I couldn’t help but think about this young girl since that day. Such a vibrant, beautiful light (who was exactly height and weight proportionate I might add) destroyed a little each day. Destruction of her own self-worth which sadly began at home, by someone who is no doubt her everything.

I hope and pray that she does not become a product of her environment or society, like so many of us women before her.

To all of us out there who look a little different, thank God we have some variety! Be proud of who you are, at any size!


I’m a SEXY, CURVY and VOLUPTUOUS woman with an infectious nature.

I am an Ambassador to all those who walk behind me

Making my way, in this SKINNY-OBSESSED world I live in.

Life gave me curves, so I’m going to flaunt them

I’m soft, supple and feel like a dream

And men have ALWAYS loved touching me.

My body is now a canvas that I am creating and adding upon because I AM THE ARTIST, not any of you.

The art that I am now seeing as a MASTERPIECE. If you don’t well, guess what? I could give a fuck!

MY BUTT is BIG and round like the letter C

And all the lunges that I’ve been doing are making it ROUNDER not smaller

And that’s just fine by me!

You will never count in the vote of what makes me beautiful

Because I now know that there is only ONE opinion that counts – MY OWN.

Those who accept it, will bask in my “hotness”

And those who might scorn and make fun of it…

I invite you to kiss the roundest, most beautiful part about me

MY ASS!!!!

Monday, October 29, 2012


I hope that you can all forgive me for not writing as of late.

To be honest, I feel as though I’ve forgotten how most days. Then, other days, it just feels like I’m losing my will to write altogether. Normally, in times of “life’s trials and deliberations” people find writing therapeutic and healing – especially Artists. I mean, we make our living off of “the bad days” sort of speak. Many of us go on to write incredible stories and songs, that make us famous, during really troublesome moments in our lives. We use these moments in time to fuel us. But, not always. Sometimes, we lose ourselves in such a way that even words can’t resurrect us.

I haven’t been sleeping properly as of late. That too, is ruining my creativity. I’ve been having nightmares again. I don’t really know when they started but they’re always the same. In every dream I am battling the devil himself for my life and the right to live. In the past, whenever I’ve had these dreams, I felt scared. Now, the fear is fuelled by anger. I have some fight in me (which I must admit does make me smile a little). It makes me feel good to know that I’m willing to fight for my life, rather than giving up my soul, like I used to do. However, I’m finding it hard to transfer that aggression into my conscious reality. In slumber I’m a Princess Warrior but the moment I awake, I feel like things are too hard to fight off.

As hard as things are in this moment, the responsibility that I feel I have to all of you (my readers, my fans) ironically keeps me somewhat positive.
There are good days and there are definitely bad days and I am trying my best to fight, but even warriors forget their purpose sometimes.

I realize that my ramblings and random thoughts are difficult to follow; without revealing the true source of my anguish but I am not ready to unveil it all just yet. All will become clear, someday.

Friday, October 12, 2012

A Path Is Right, As Long As It's Ours

There are always two paths a heart can take.  Each one seasoned with its own challenges.  Yet, when our discussion has been made to follow one route, we always seem to find mistakes in the journey we choose.  Often, we say that we should have gone the "other" way instead.  However, we fail to see that no matter what road we follow we will always find fault in it - if we allow it to find us.  No matter what the adventure ahead may bring, you can rest assured that our hearts are always ready to embark upon it. 

I finally understand the reason behind why my heart and mind are always at odds with one another.  My heart has always been (and will always remain) childlike, whereas my mind must take on a "parental role".  Yet, it has always been obvious that my life has been governed by my heart-ranking majority seats within the house.  I've often referred to this syndrome as:   "The Curse of the Artist"

Being a former singer/musician and now a writer, my path has always been one of a dreamer.  Yet lately, I find that my mind has begun to convince my heart to oversea the "day to day" operations, while still promising to promote "dreamer-like qualities".  So far, all is well in Denmark!

Over the past few months I've realized that the magical thing about life is that it always plays out, whether we are ready for it or not.  It's made up of great moments (both good and bad) and I am learning to be happy to have the opportunity to travel along each path.  I now am beginning to understand that chaos can grow in magnitude if we allow it the energy of our thoughts (both positively and negatively).  But, that love too, can grow in the same manner.  Life is not everlasting, but our memories and experiences can transcend through time.  We can savor them by being open to life as it unfolds. 

I've been trying to find new "motto's" for life everyday.  In doing so, it forces me to trick my old "behavioral patterns" to shift from a negative realm into a positive state. 

Today's motto - Remembering to do whatever makes ME happy, as often as possible.  To maintain a healthy lifestyle because happiness means nothing when you cannot enjoy it with 100% vitality.  To be kind to others even when it's hardest to do so and to be a bit of a better human being, everyday. 

Sunday, September 23, 2012


On this very day, 40 years ago, two incredibly special people professed their love before God and man.  Not knowing (as who does) what lay ahead, they were very excited to start their lives together,
as husband and wife.  All they had was a bit of savings and a lot of love. 

There were many trials and tribulations as the years went by.  All of which were overshadowed by an exceptional respect, integrity, honor and love that they had for one another.  That along with their honesty always brought them to great heights. 

They were very modest and hard-working people who till this day, believe that if you have a great love for family, it will see you through the darkest of times. Throughout the years, they have always remained very soft spoken and humble individuals - Always believing in the importance of helping others.  Family and friends could always count on them for anything.  They were two people always there, whether you asked for assistance or not.  If they possessed it, it was theirs to give.  Never questioning for a moment what it would mean for them to go without.  That notion was never as important as the purpose of giving.

Sadly, when you live a life of giving, often times you find others taking advantage of this type of nature.  This man and wife were no exception.  Their love and kindness often used and disrespect by others.  Yet, in the grand scheme of things, they remained un-phased and no matter what nonsense came about, they always had the strength to remain who they were. 

It is not often that you encounter such loveliness within this life.  What's more, is that I have the pleasure of not only knowing these two individuals - but I was proudly bestowed the privilege and honor of being born their daughter. 

Throughout the years, I have found their integrity, truth and strength incredibly empowering.  My life hasn't been an easy one.  I have had my very own fair share of battles  to face.  Yet, through it all, they have been my shelter, my rock and my biggest fans. 

They have always taught me to be exactly who I am and nothing more.  Because that's who I was born to be.  "Trials will come but love is what will always get you through the wars"  My Mom taught me that.  "No one can ever take away a good heart filled with noble intentions."  People will always try to sway you and take benefit over your kindness, but in the end, it is your soul that will be redeemed endlessly"  My Dad taught me that.

All that my brothers and I have, share and love in this world, we owe to them.  They have taught us to be "ourselves" in this crazy world that we live in.  That our love, truth and respect for ourselves and others will be the only things we will ever need to shelter us.  That we can shoot for the stars and dream our biggest dreams -but if we happen to fall short, that's ok, because we will always have exactly what we need (each other) and that will always be enough!


"The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life.” 

I could not think of a greater, more fitting quote for the two of you, that truly expresses all that your children feel having you as parents.  You have always been the greatest role models for Nicolas, Johnny and I.  We can only pray and dream that we will grow to become the individuals, husbands, wives and parents that you have been.  It is probably the biggest challenge that we will ever encounter in our lives, but one that we will proudly honor and do our very best to live up to in your names. 

So, a toast, to the loveliest couple in all the world:

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.


Your daughter,

Monday, August 27, 2012


Now I finally found the way to freedom.  I've been saving up all my strength for this very day.  And now that I'm standing at the gate.  Open up your arms.  And spread them wide.  Nothing's gonna hold me back this time

I broke up with myself a long time ago. It’s been so long that I don’t really know all the reasons why anymore. It’s been a relationship I always regretted letting go of. It started out as punishment for things that I allowed myself to say, to feel and to accept both of others and of myself. Then, it transformed itself into things that others believed I was worth/not worthy of. It manifested into a deepness of resentment and hate until one day, I just couldn’t see myself being with me for the rest of my life. I was so mean to me. So cruel. I was abusive. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually and worst of all physically. I don’t remember if I deserved all of it or not, but when does anyone ever deserve that kind of treatment?

The most spectacular thing about our soul is that no matter how lost we become we can always find our way home. When we break up with ourselves (regardless of the reason(s)) we will always allow ourselves chances to come back. To come home. It’s incredible how if we truly allow ourselves to be forgiven we can-even when it seems almost impossible to do. Our mind, heart, soul and spirit will always welcome us back with open arms at any moment. All we have to do is be willing to be forgiven.

The truth is, I have wanted to be loved all my life. I’ve wanted to be respected and honoured in every way. I wanted to be known for my morals, my integrity and my truth. Only, I haven’t really known what any of that is for some time now. Each time I broke up with myself I extinguished more and more of my inner fire. The voice that originally gave life to this woman you see / read about. We haven’t spoken in so long and I am sad to say that I don’t really remember the name she had given herself.

The most beautiful (and ironic thing) is that she came looking for me as of late. She found me yesterday and wanted to talk. I was very surprised at the visit – especially considering that after all we’d been through, after all I had done, she still wanted to make amends and try again. After a very long and intense “heart to heart”, I realized that the love she had for me once has always remained. That if anything, it has grown with each hurtful thing I had done to us over the years. I was stunned. I had no words, only a deep/overwhelming feeling of peace. I told her that I still loved her too – with all my heart. I admitted that I had never stopped loving her, I just felt too ashamed to express it after all I have done. She had this glow about her. A beaming light – and without a word, I knew she was really happy to hear that I loved her back after all this time.

After a much deserved “catch up” with myself, it was evident that we not only still loved one another, but that we wanted to try again to salvage our relationship. So, we are back together once again. It feels pretty amazing! We both know that it will be a “work in progress” type of journey, but we are willing to make that commitment to us. I told her (with some hesitation) that I cannot promise I will never try to stray again and that it will take time to stop feeling bad/responsible for all that’s happened between us. I asked her to forgive me and she replied: “ That has been your problem all along. You always want and feel the need to be forgiven by others, but the only forgiveness that sometimes matters is the one you can give to yourself. Are you ready to forgive yourself?” I swallowed hard at that, but she was right. I’ve always been so busy asking others for forgiveness that I never realized that the most important forgiveness was to come from me of myself. Huh.. Funny how life can teach you the most incredible things.

In honour of my rekindled relationship with myself, I dedicate this song to my rebirth:

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Support In The Journey

It’s incredible how crazy and unpredictable life can be sometimes. In the same breath it can be both beautiful and evil all at once.

Yet whatever it is, we must always be glad and grateful to be here. Yes, at times we are tested (beyond measure) but I find that it is within those times that true beauty emerges. That is, if you choose to see it.

I find myself in the middle of another one of life’s roller-coasters once again. I believe I’ve been on this ride before, but somehow this time, the “loop di loops” and rising hills seem more frequent. It’s been a trying journey thus far, but however difficult this road is, it reaffirmed something I had forgotten. That is, the love, support and kindness of strangers.

I have always been blessed with having a great support system in my life. It’s so important to know that you have people who love you and are in your corner, when dealing with life’s challenges. However, it is incredibly touching when you see this kindness or gesture in those you don’t really know.

Since my brief announcement regarding my hiatus from my career due to some personal journeys I need to attend to, I cannot tell you how overwhelmed I was to see such an out-pour of concern by you, my fans. All the emails (both on my site, Face Book and Twitter) have been so touching. I cannot tell you how much it has affected me. To know that a mere girl ( a nobody) who loves to write, could move something within all of you, to the point of concern, is so humbling. All the words I could muster up would never be able to project how all your thoughts have made me feel. It’s amazing how something like words in an email ( or a simple quote) can stir the spirit and can give someone power to face even the darkest of days. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much to all of you who have reached out to me (in some form or fashion) to say hello and send me your positive vibes and well wishes. They have truly meant the world to me.

I know that you are all curious as to why I had to leave or what I am going through, but it is not something that I feel I can discuss for the moment. In time, once out of the darkness, I may feel differently. I have been and always will be a person who always shares her experiences with the world because I think it’s important to do so. After all as human beings, if your journey can help someone else following a similar fate, isn’t it our job to guide and support them? I think so. Yet, sometimes, while in the midst of the roads we are on, they are not always easily explained/shared. This is where I am at for the moment.
At this point in my journey, I cannot say when I will be back in full rains of LIFE AFX again.  What I am facing will take time - as does anything life-altering.  I will continue to do some writing on days when I feel strong enough to do so, but I need this time to make myself whole again (in every way) so that I can be who I’ve been for you…whatever that was! Nevertheless, always know that I am near.

I truly hope you are all enjoying your lives/summers and adventures in every way!!! See you all soon!

*A very special thank you to my two Assistants, who have taken time out of their lives, to make sure that LIFE AFX stays on track and in touch with all of you – on a daily basis. They are the individuals you see/hear on FACE BOOK, TWITTER and my website, bringing you my words/thoughts and rants, on my behalf. There are some days when I do pop on to Tweet, but for the most part you are engaging with them. So thank you to Alessandro and Anthony for all that they do for me and for LIFE AFX every day. Without you, I would truly be forgotten. *

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Let's STOP The Violence

Peter Cash, Announcer from FLOW 93.5 FM in Toronto. Join The Movement: Let's Stop The Violence

I woke up this morning with the lyrics from Bohemian Rhapsody stuck in my brain.

"Mama, just killed a man.  Put a gun against his head.  Pulled my trigger, now he's dead"

Immediately, I wondered:  Did this song or those words ever run through the minds of those responsible for the recent gun violence?  Was there regret?  Was there remorse?  Did their heart cry out in protest at all, the moment the first bullet left their gun? Do they have loved ones at home that they will have to explain their actions and feelings of guilt to? Whenever I hear of random gun violence crimes I always think that to myself in silence. 

Clearly the answer MUST be yes, right?  There MUST be so much pain in their minds and hearts that it simply distorts what is true.  That it blocks out all reason of humanity and goodness that may have ever once dwelled within their soul.  That for a moment, when they weren't looking, the devil himself claimed their spirit and allowed evil to occur.  This all MUST be true, right?  My answer is always the same:  YES!

It has to be.  I mean, what would the alternative thought be?  That somewhere deep inside some (or all) of us, lies a demon that can be unleashed at any moment?  That we are in FULL control of this sort of evil and can call upon it when we demand it?  That we are all monsters to some degree, capable of such horrific demise?  I have nieces and nephews, about to grow up in this world, so I surely cannot believe that. 

Then, my second thought is this:  Are we as individuals contributing to this sort of random violence?
Are we in any way factors responsible for how others conduct themselves within society?  Yes, I truly think we are.  Now, of course we can all argue that health and mental wellness play a dominant role in behaviour like this.  Chemical imbalance/ drug/alcohol influences may all be reasons for this type of cognitive behaviour however, can we truly say that mankind can wash their hands of any fault here?  I think not.

Look, what I'm getting at is simply this:  We really better start paying more attention to our kids.  We need to be more involved in their lives.  We also truly need to start being better human beings to one another in a general sense.  There are patterns here, folks.  Major signs of depression, anxiety and feelings of "unworthiness" in the minds and hearts of individuals who plot out random acts of violence, such as the recent tragedies we are hearing about lately.  We need to nurture and love people.  To be understanding and encouraging of the fact that we are all different, but the same. 

There is simply too much "bullying" going on within our society today.  Not just surrounding young people, but human beings on a general front.  We are always made to feel inferior within our society in some form or manner and it's killing us-LITERALLY!  Negative thoughts or emotions that are embedded in our brains by others manifest themselves into horrific acts or events.  Don't believe me?  Just take a look at events of this nature that have occurred in the past.  Most (if not all) individuals responsible for random acts of public violence were bullied, ridiculed or made to feel inadequate, by members of their society.  The pain creates madness within that spreads like a cancer.  Until one day, it cannot be contained any longer, and that insanity explodes!  The result?  An uncontrollable out-pouring of pain unleashed to all, making us an example of that inner conflict they have felt (and bottled up) for so long.

Maybe my thoughts here are insane ones, I dunno.  Nevertheless, I think I make some valid arguments, and if my words can allow you (the reader) to leave this page today thinking about it, then I have done my job as a Writer.  If I can plant a seed of doubt within your mind, so that you go out and consciously think about how you treat EVERYONE you meet, then that's a good thing.  Believe me when I tell you that things such as: Racism, negative comments, bullying, ridiculing others simply because they look or act differently than you do are all poisonous acts that we are ALL guilty of.  So, I think that as a society we ALL need to STOP and truly think about this. 

We all feel inadequate in life sometimes.  As individuals it's human nature to think this way.  However, it is NOT your right to play on the insecurities or fears of others-ever!  It is NOT ok to diminish or dismiss anyone's spirit or light, simply because for a moment, it allows you to feel better about your own.  We all reside here, on this earth, which means we all have a right to walk/live here without fear or ridicule that others will take away that right.  No one should be forced/pushed to live/lurk within the shadows of their worlds, simply because other individuals have decided that we are not all worthy to bask in the brightness of open society.  That is just as violent and cruel as the crimes we are hearing about in our world today.

Think about it...

**To all those who have lost their lives to violence around our world, and to all their loved ones, may you all find peace**

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Butterfly Kisses

“ We are but a moment’s sunshine, fading in the grass”

I heard this quote today and it made me stop and think about just how incredibly lucky we are, in so many ways. Yet, we barely even realize it, let alone cherish our blessings. We truly are “moments of sunshine” here for a short while. It’s strange how it takes loosing something/someone to become “reborn” into that humility.

As my thoughts continued I immediately remembered “Ari” Who is Ari you ask? Well, she was but a moment of sunshine in the lives of many. Today, this blog piece belongs to her. My very own special moment in time, dedicated to a beautiful light.

She was born Ariana Maria Scopacasa, on June 26, 2012. She died on June 28, 2012.

They say that when you lose your parents or a true love that you lose your past. However, when you lose a child you barely had a moment to know, I believe that you lose your future instead. Suddenly, you’ve been robbed of love, blessings and wonderful memories that you never had the opportunity to have.

I am indeed no stranger to loss in my life. Sadly, this is something we are all too painfully familiar with. However, I don’t begin to imagine the pain a parent must feel when they lose their child – for any reason. A human heart could die from the sorrow and a mind would surly explode from trying to answer a simple question-why? Why is life such a rare commodity. Why is some life given incredible boasts of longevity, while other lives are cruelly taken away too early? In a moment such as this, whether you believe in any form of divinity or not, you ask for answers. Sadly, not all answers can be given or worse, none are good enough.

Maybe, we aren’t supposed to understand things like this. Perhaps we are just to believe that there is a deeper meaning and purpose to why Ari had to leave so soon. I know that her parents have struggled with these thoughts every day, since their little girl left them. So what do you say? How do you feel? How can you get them to move on?

Today, I offer the only thing I can – words. Words of faith and love. Words that I believe Ariana wants me to say.

Voltaire once said: “ Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. It is not enough that a thing be possible for it to be believed.”

It is in these times that our faith must be at its peak because it is within these times that we despise our faith the most. We are filled with rage, anger and feelings of utter betrayal – by God, man and Universe. Yet, only in love can we understand, forgive and find the courage to move on.

Grief is something very few people understand. It doesn’t make sense. It provides no portal of time continuance. As painful as it is, you must will yourself to walk through the grief, in order to one day walk beyond it. We do this by allowing the one we lost teach us about the blessings that were made possible because of them. What were they? How have they changed you?

Ariana made me realize that I need to spend more time with my little ones. I have five beautiful and amazing souls in my life – my nephews: Matthew, Sebastian and Dante. As well as, my precious nieces: Emily and Francesca. Children have this incredible way of making your heart sing, even in times of defeat.

She also made me understand that the only thing that stands between life and death is time. That we need to make the most of each moment and live within them – always.

She allowed me to remember that I need to take my life back to a more simple time. When life was all about finding the biggest puddles to jump into. When the only task of the day was smiling more than you did yesterday. Building memories with those you love and especially with those you haven’t seen in a long time.

I know that every time I see a butterfly, dancing in the sunshine, I will think of her. Every time I see a little girl smelling a flower, it will remind me of the innocence she possessed. Whenever I hear children giggling (like only children can), I will smile because for a moment she made us all smile when she was born.

It is in those moments that I can find happiness that she visited this earth before moving back to Heaven. It is for these reasons that I am truly blessed that I was divinely touched by her light. She made me feel very special and I am so grateful to her for that.

My Dearest Rina and Bruno:

Always remember that those who love beyond the world CANNOT be separated by it.
Ariana loves you both with all her heart. She sits there in Heaven and tells all the souls about you both. What wonderful parents and people you are. How of every man and woman on this earth – she chose YOU over all others.

Know that from this day forth, whenever you feel a shiver, it’s your beloved daughter tickling your arms – letting you both know that she’s near.

That every time you feel a tickle against your face, it’s Ariana giving you a little “Butterfly Kiss”

Let her fill your hearts with love, joy and courage to try again. She wants nothing more, I truly believe that.

I love you both so much. Know that I am always here…

Friday, July 6, 2012


I have come to understand that life is merely a series of events, containing a number of different lessons within each one.  It's not about what you deserve but rather,  how much you can go through and learn about yourself (as well as those around you)  We are all here to gain as much knowledge as we can about who we are and what we're made of.  Good times and bad times all have their own examination points.  We are tested time and time again, sometimes without rest, to determine how well we can "roll with the punches" sort of speak.  After all, Darwin said it best:  "Life is merely a survival of the fittest" Those who survive- win. 

But, what do we win exactly?  This has been a question I've had all my life.  I think I speak for everyone when I say that our entire lives have been about survival.  We all have our journeys, stories and "punches" that we've had to roll with, time and time again.  I know that every time a new struggle surfaces in my life I become incredibly irritated because I feel as though I have JUST finished enduring the last one.  "No rest for the wicked" it seems.  Most times, I'm still utterly exhausted and tending to scars from my last battle, when BOOM! Here comes another.

Now don't get me wrong, although my life has been full of struggle, it has also been favoured with an abundance of blessings.  I am very grateful to have the opportunity to live my life on my terms each day.  I have incredible people who surround me on a daily basis, who give me never ending love, support and strength; to see me through all of the ugliness in this world.  They keep me focused on the beauty instead.  So, I must be doing something right.  Nevertheless, I just wish I could take an extended vacation from new struggles.  If only for a little while.

I have learned many lessons during my time here.  The latest one is this:  It is within those times that you truly feel you cannot go on is when you find the light and strength within yourself to do so.  There are days when I look back at all I've been through and think to myself:  "How on earth did I ever manage to get through all of that and still be happy, alive and well today?"  It's incredible how resilient our bodies, minds and souls can be. 

As I embark on a new journey at this time, I am filled with fear, reluctance and lack of will.  However, I know that I MUST walk through this dark valley, in order to feel the light upon my face once again.  But, it's a long and scary road ahead.  Will I make it?  seems to be the question I most ask myself.  Thankfully, "Yes, you will" seems to be the sweet song I hear in harmony from all those around me.  Then, there are those "non-believers" who conveniently stay by my side in evil excitement to watch my every tear fall and my every step fumble.  But that is just another component of this particular lesson.  You not only keep good company around, but envious ones as well.  For, I believe that it's the combined efforts of both within ones life that help you strive and reach for greatness!  It makes perfect sense, doesn't it?  Think about it.  You use the love and support of your "biggest fans" to raise you up when you want to fall or give up and the anger/determination of those consistently sticking fingers in your face (telling you that you're no good) to fuel your fire to the point of success.  It's brilliant.  Yes, this is second lesson I have learned, as of late. 

A very special thank you, from the bottom of my heart to those who truly inspire and demand greatness from me -in every moment of my life.  Your wisdom, support, strength and encouragement are the sole reason that I find the courage to "learn my lessons" on a daily basis.  An extra special thank you to all the "pretenders" in my life as well.  By pretenders I mean those who are not really in my corner, but say they are.  Those who are barely around for my successes, but are damn sure they always have centre stage for my failures.  Those who genuinely take pleasure in my struggles and losses.  I love you the most!  For it is because of you that I have all I could ever want and continuously keep me striving for more.

To all of you, who find yourself in the middle of a "life lesson" at the moment, I leave you with a few encouraging empowerment tools that get me through everything.  I hope you can take away power from it and let it fuel your life as well.  May peace, love and strength be with you-always!

Friday, June 1, 2012


Here is another song I wrote.  I truly hope you all enjoy it!































Monday, May 21, 2012

The Engagement

I believe that all things brought to one's life, to give it profound meaning, is all done divinely by accident.  The places we choose to visit, the decisions we make and the people we encounter; are all moments intricately placed within our lives on purpose.  Everything is done, at the exact moment it is done, for a reason.  You are meant to go there, to do something and to have particular individuals cross your path.  This theory made itself known in my life (yet again) just last week.

On May 5, 2012, two individuals indirectly entered my life, to remind me of something I had forgotten for some time.  Through their own experience, they gave me back something profound.  The amazing part of it all is that they have no idea how one special moment in their lives rekindled something that was lost in mine for so long.  So today, I would like to dedicate this blog to them.

May 5, 2012, was a day like any other for most of us.  Yet, for Christopher Di Tomaso, today was special.  It was a day that he had been planning for some time.  This was the day that he would ask his beloved lady, Allison Gillies, to be his wife. 

As family and friends waited in anticipation, for the day's events to unfold, Allison had no idea what magical journey lay ahead. 

That evening, Allison got ready for a night out with some friends, to watch a movie.  Ironically, they had made plans to watch "The 5 Year Engagement", which was showing at "The 5 Drive In" where 5 years ago the happy couple had their very first date.  Coincidence?  Well, that may have been what Allison would have said, prior to this evening.  However, there was nothing coincidental about any of this day's events.  It was all carefully orchestrated by one man, the love of her life-Christopher.

Here is how it all unfolded: 

The first time I saw this, it sent shivers down my spine.  It truly is the most beautiful profession of love that I have ever seen in my life.  I felt butterflies for the first time in ages.  In my own life, countless heartbreak has made me forget about loving anyone.  Only I hadn't realized it until this moment.  I've been walking around aimlessly, just living my "day to day life" without love.  At some point, I had denounced the existence of love within my life.  I had lost all faith that real love was out there.  I had convinced myself that love was only for the lucky and the strong - and I am neither of those things any longer.  I have forgotten about even wanting to love anyone.  How sad is that?  What's worse is that i know that I am not alone in this reasoning that I have made about love. So, I felt that it was my duty to share this with the world, in hopes that it will "awaken" the spirit of love within us all. 

Chris and Allison, thank you so much for lifting the heavy/dark weight that had made a home upon my heart for far too long.   It was this beautiful depiction of your love for one another, that made me believe in love again.  Not just any kind of love either.  But real/crazy/amazing kind of love.  Complete love, where the experience makes you truly alive.  Where every sense is heightened and every emotion magnified.  You have changed my life and I wanted you both to know that.  Watching the two of you has rekindled what I have always both believed and known:  That love is possible.  I knew that once and now I know it again because of you.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

In honor of that love, I have written a little something for you both.

"We have come here today in celebration of your promise to one another. A promise that you have pledged within your hearts. One of admiration, respect and love. A vow that one day soon shall be witnessed by God above. A love that in times, may be tried and tested will never be broken, because your love will always be evident and seen. Even when words are left unspoken. For God has blessed you both with a keeper for your heart. One that will love, honor and always know your worth, even when apart. Where once two hearts, two souls and two journeys dwelled apart, are now infinitely bound by a ring. Symbolizing no beginning and no end for the love that lives within your hearts. "

Congratulations to you both! May you always have more love, more passion, more laughter and more happiness together than you could ever know what to do with.
~ Always ~