Monday, January 6, 2020
LIVING ON BORROWED TIME
Strange how life works.
When you're young, all you feel is invincible. Time is limitless. So, it doesn't matter what you get to (or don't), how many times you screw up, if you show up or break your word because there is always time to change things, make things right or take a different path.
Then, you get older and everything changes. Time becomes the one thing you obsess over because you can't get enough of it. The day you are finally hit with the realization that time is limited and that you may not get to do everything you want (or need to ) before the last curtain call - becomes one of the worst days of your entire existence.
You want to make the most of the time you have, however long or short it may be. Regardless of the length of time in front of you, the last thing you ever want is to be laying on your death bed, full of regrets. Yet ironically, it is only when near death (or faced with it) that we truly see the real picture and just how precious time actually is.
As I sat in the back of a small viewing chapel this past weekend, saying goodbye to a dear friend who died on New Year's Eve, I was suddenly struck with this sense of urgency to accomplish my goals. I thought about all the things I want to do, see. How much I want to fall in love again. See different parts of the earth and make a real contribution in this world - through a legacy that I can leave behind when I'm gone. My heart began to race as I watched him, laid to rest. All the things he wouldn't get to do and if I am being honest, all the things he should have done too.
As I watched friends, family, and acquaintances line up in a single-file line, waiting their turn to pay their last respects, it made me think about what kind of legacy I will leave behind. What message about the person I was, do I want to leave people with. It became more evident to me, sitting there, what I have always believed to be true: I don't ever wish to be the richest person in the cemetery. I wish to be the poorest one. When I stand before God, I wish to be all used up of all the gifts he gave me. I want to have shared all of myself with the world. What I want is to be the person who touched everyone. The person who changed everyone's life for the better - because I lived. I want there to be a line around the block, of people waiting to see me off. To speak well of the person I was, sharing fond memories of all we did together.
I don't have much time here. Maybe that's true, maybe it's not - who knows. Regardless of which one it is, I need to stop obsessing over it and put things into some real perspective - fast! The important thing is that I woke up in that little chapel. Funny... My friend had to die so that I could be sent the message to start living.
My eternal love and respect, forever Franco. Although you are gone, you live on, in and around the hearts of all those who adored you. And from the looks of what I witnessed - they were many.