Pages Waiting To Be Born

I've been toying with the idea of writing my first book for a long time now.  The idea both excites and scares me to no end.  I suppose it's because a book exposes the author on so many different levels.  What excites me is thinking about what my words would smell like in printed ink.  Running my fingers over the hard cover and seeing my name next to a title.  However, what scares me is having others look at my naked work and hating it.  I would definitely be one of those Writers that would hide behind the table displaying her books, to see other people's reactions to it.  Biting my finger nails while my heart beats a mile a minute in my chest; anticipating the fate of my attempts. 

If I were to tell you just how many times I began to sit and write this "imaginary book"  I don’t think anyone would believe me. The attempts have been numerous but the outcomes…all the same. I begin with great thoughts then translate them into words my imagination and spirit would be proud of. Then, after several paragraphs I will erase it all because I think it sounds silly.

I suppose that is the biggest flaw many writers have:  The fact that we are our own worst critic. Our moments, private and our words incredibly meaningful to our own soul. The mere thought of strangers dissecting them piece by piece is enough to make a writer go mad.



One of my greatest Mentors once told me that all thoughts are relevant. All words meaningful and that as long as you write them down they could never possibly be forgotten. He also said that all great writers begin feeling the same insecurities of their written words as I am feeling of mine but the most important thing is to write them down nonetheless. To write only for me and the waste basket – as if no one else will ever see it but the creator. That, is the only way true art is born. Therefore, this book would definitely be my first and I hope one of many more to come. Someday soon I will take the wise man’s advice, get out of my own way and  leave myself open to the magic.

I have a good feeling of how I would like it to flow.  The book will be made up of simple words written by a simple girl (moi) who wants nothing more in this world than to live it extraordinarily so. A life of happiness, health, love, humility, balance and inner peace. For there is nothing more rich than living this way. I would truly hope that all those who read it will appreciate and capture its essence.



It would be all about life and its lessons.  All the good, all the bad and everything in between. All of this for the sheer hope that it will perhaps help others lead a great life.

At the end of the day, I write because I wish to be remembered to others for all time.  I would like to think that my words can somehow find those who need them most, at the very moment of their lives when they need to hear them.  If anything I write to touche someone's soul and allow their hearts, minds or spirits to accomplish great things as a result.  Only then I will ever consider myself truly rich.  That one thouht alone gives me more than any dollar could ever buy.  That being said, I don't write for the money-ever.  I write for me and for all of you.  For when life is all said and done, people will forget everything about you; except the way you made them feel. 

So regardless of my fears, I believe I am ready to embark upon this journey. 

Wish me much luck my dear friends - I shall need it!

FOR THE LOVE OF WORDS

Throughout my life I have always turned to reading as an offset to my "everyday stresses" I can still remember all the different novels that coincided with a particular "life crisis" I was experiencing at the moment. It seems kind of funny now, but back then those books were my saving grace.



What I remember most was that in every instance a particular phrase or quotation would grab hold of my very soul and change my existence as I knew it. It didn't necessarily have to be anything obtuse in meaning. For the most part they were always rather simplistic. It was what most would call: "common sense theories" and indeed they were. Yet sometimes, depending on what you are going through, even the simplest of things are so far gone from your mind. There were also some instances where I would pick up a book or poem in one moment, read it and capture a meaning from it, and be able to come back to it again in years to come and grasp an entirely different outlook from it altogether. I suppose that is because you seek different things in different stages of your life. Things take on new meaning when you apply another scenario to it.


With that said; I thought that I would share some of those books with you. Perhaps you will find a new "special hidden meaning" from them, just for you..


Garden Of Lies By Elieen Goudge - The fiction tradition that a woman will do anything for a man. In the end a revelation occurs where the main character (a woman) realizes that there are no lies worth your own truth. I read this book in my first year of College. I became involved with a man that in my heart of hearts I knew wasn't right for me. Nevertheless, the tale continued and became what was later revealed the web of lies in my own life.


The Pillars Of The Earth By Ken Follett - The story is set in the 12th century and begins with a grim reality of death. This book was both special and close to my heart because it taught me a most valuable lesson. That death can have many connotations and perceptions to it. Mainly negative, which is the wrong mind set for life in a general sense. For in order for new life and new hope to come to light, the must be death. This book was given to me by a dear friend, someone who loved me very much at one time. This book allowed me to forget about the tangled web I was weaving in my own life at that time.


Love In The Time Of Cholera By Gabriel Garcia Marquez - This is truly the love story of all time. It epitomizes the idea that love truly does become stronger with time. I feel upon this book by accident. Thank God for that!


The Picture Of Dorian Gray By Oscar Wilde - Truly, without a doubt, one of my most treasured books. The setting is in 1945, Old England. The moral of the story here is: Life's lessons and what you learn from them truly determine the youth, vigour and beauty in any human being - not age! This book was given to me by a man I once dated. He reminded me so much of the main character. His most valued asset was his beauty. It was evident more to himself than to others. He treated the world and those around him poorly because of it. In turn, it taught me that people are not things and they should be valued not as objects, but as vibrant spirits. I learned much from this epic tale. Especially the fact that love along with beautiful things can truly only be seen with one's heart. For that is where the beauty in all things truly lies.


It's Called A Break-Up Because It's Broken By Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt - Yes Folks! This book is exactly what you think it is: A "self-help book" for those of us who've been dumped in our lifetime. It was given to me by my sister in law and I must admit that at first I thought she was crazy. "I'm not going to read this" I thought to myself. I thought it was stupid and not worthy of eyes falling upon it's tacky nature of the written word. Well, I am happy to say that it truly was one of the most enjoyable books I have ever read. It's quirky nature made me not only feel better about the situation I was in at that moment, but also re-affirmed the value that we should all have about ourselves. No one can truly know what is best for us other than "US". Aside from the fun nature of this book in it's entirety, one chapter truly helped me over my break-up instantaneously. More so...it was one small sentence grouped among a million others that rocked me at the very core of my being. The sentence was: "That person in your life took one long look at the awesomeness that is you and said: "NO THANKS" So why cry over them? Again, silly to some, but I swear to you folks, it was the last day I ever cried over that particular man again. The book truly made me feel "appreciated" somehow. Not by others, but by the person who should appreciate me the most: ME!



I truly hope you have enjoyed this sharing of some of my books and experiences. There are obviously too many to possibly list, but these were definitely my "golden book moments"